Why am I so emotional??

Ugh, I am just struggling with this process emotionally. 

Before entering the WLS process, I honestly had no idea how much I used my addictions to cope with stressful/emotional situations! But since being in this process, I was so much more aware! And it frustrates me so darn much!

For the past year I've seen someone dear to my heart fight like hell against their second battle cancer and last week I had to say farewell. Even when me and my sister tried to chase the emotions with a 'good' meal, it was impossible to fill the void because of how aware I was doing it. I felt so lost and in limbo, as before I would eat my emotions or even smoke through the stress and I just felt like I had nothing! Despite all the loving and supportive people around me (I am blessed to have such an amazing and supportive family, friends and community), I still felt like a lost puppy without my fall back addictions to comfort me.

I am proud that I didn't fall back into old ways. I'm still smoke free. Even with how many people telling me they would understand if I started again.... but in my head that wasn't even a possibility. I felt that if I opened my mind to allow for the possibility for failure to peek through, then it will happen. When I had that last smoke, I closed that gate and blocked out even possibilities because I know myself to well. Its all or nothing. I'm OK with that. But why can't I do the same for food? Sugars? dreaded pepsi????? I wish I could close that gate to those as easily as I did with smoking. It's a process I know, at times like this I wish I could find the fast forward button.

I didn't think saying goodbye to an addiction would be such an emotional roller coaster. I knew entering this process that there would be a lot of learning and work involved. I don't think I was prepared for the emotional journey as well. But I can do this!! I have a team of ancestors behind me to guide me and a loving and supportive family and group of friends beside me to support me. 

Sorry, I just had to vent. 

Go ahead and vent.  But also look for help.  The WLCs are there to help you.  Perhaps they can refer you to a counselor that can help you find a new way to deal with your emotions.  You have already discovered that food isn't the answer, but there is one out there for you.  A counselor can help you figure out which tool will fit you best.

One thing that you can try while you wait to see a counsellor, is journaling.  I know, we do it for food etc.  But at night (or whenever) write down what you feel.  I was having a problem with a group of people, and it was suggested I write down a letter with all my feelings to the worst one.  It did help.

I do wish you well on your journey.  Giving up smoking and not going back is a great achievement.

Cathy

Thanks, I do see a Councillor but haven't been able to make an appt to see her since everything happened. When I try to talk to some people about it, they don't really understand how food can be an addiction and I often get that look as if I have 3 heads lol. Never thought to start journaling. I'll have to try that one :)

In my humble opinion, food is the worst addition out there.  I know there are those that disagree with me, but it is.  It is the only addiction that you can have, where you can't cut it right out of your.  For example, I'll take smoking.  Although it's hard, you don't need a cigarette to survive.  (My Mom was a smoker, and I've seen the problems of smoking, and the benefits of quitting). But food, you can't cut out of your life 100%.  You can cut out certain foods, but not all food.  You need food to survive (yes, I include Opti in my list of food).  So it's always around, you can't get away from it.

Journaling is one thing, but your counsellor might have others to add to your toolbox.  Just keep trying until you find the best tool for you.

Cathy

Hi OntarioGirl I just wanted to say I am so sorry you lost your friend and are struggling.  I must say though that I am very impressed at how self aware you are at recognizing that you are an emotional eater.  And kudos to you for not breaking down and giving in to smoking.  It is sooo hard but you got this Girl!  You can do it!!!  Sending you great big hugs!!

Thank You :) 

First off, sorry for your loss.  That's very hard.

But I also want to say, keep at it Ontario Girl!  Being self-aware is a major accomplishment and a big part of the solution.  As others have suggested, get some help to find the best way of transferring your emotions.  I personally like to kickbox my emotions or boredom away (or jog  or weight-lift them out...you get the idea).  I'm currently on the injury list though, and am struggling a bit with that...working on my own journey. 

And congratulations also on not listening to the people saying that they would understand if you went back to smoking...not helpful in my opinion. 

Good luck and all my best!

DD

Thank You! :) We have an urban poling group I'm going to try out. Maybe i'll try painting... i've been itiching to buy some canvas. Don't know how to do it, but gotta start somewhere! lol

Hi, Sorry for your loss.  Pepsi was the hardest for me...it took me two tries.  I stopped over the holidays Dec 2013 and had surgery April 2014.  It was hard and it took five days to really start to feel better.  It needed to be done.  I did not stop sugar treats until after Opti/surgery.  Once the pre surg process starts the cravings go away.  I will say when you get closer to surgery you may want to try stopping Pepsi....one vice at a time is always easiest.

Thank you :)

Ahh darn pepsi! I just love it so darn much... lol! I even crave the carbonation burn in the throat. But I gotta do what I gotta do. Esp since i've suffered with GERD for so many years. My sister always talks about accountability and how i'm only lying to myself if I say I quit and I don't. So instead of lying to myself I just didn't quit or even attempt too lol. And when I did try to quit I noticed I just substituted addictions! People would ask how it is and I would say oh its fine! And turn around and order an XL TT coffee! Then I finally quit drinking coffee and started drinking energy drinks. It's a hamster wheel (N)