Feeling Like I Am Not Doing Enough....

I am currently at 604 lbs or at least I was before the holidays.  I am hoping I didn't put on too much weight over the holidays because I tried to restrain myself when eating.  I wanted to starting January 1st, of this year start eating better not having any sweets at all, and working on my portion sizes, I did last year for about 2 months where I restricted myself to about 2000 cal a day and was only eating portions the size of my palm.  I did lose a bit of weight during that time, but I found that I was obsessing over food.  Every thought that went through my head was about food and it was really getting to me and it got really hard to maintain so I stopped.  Right now I was supposed to start Jan 1st again (restricting my cal, and using My Fitness Pal to track what I was eating etc).  But I keep saying "This Monday I am going to start" Monday rolls around and I don't do it, I fail.  I am so scared if I can't get my eating under control now what am I going to do when I have the surgery? I also am really down on myself because I keep thinking that I have had everything happen to me as far as my health (being told recently that I have Diabetes, I have high blood pressure, PCOS etc) if that doesn't give me the motivation to change and stick to it, what has to happen to make me stick to the changes or start.

Well at least I am doing laps in my apartment.  I have been walking from one end of the apartment to the other everyday (like up to 10 laps back and forth I have gotten up to).  So at least I am doing one thing right.  I just have very disordered eating and I need to get it under control.  My problem is that I skip meals (Breakfast and Lunch usually) then I am so hungry at night.  So I eat too much for dinner. But my problem is also the choices I make because I am addicted to sugar.  I can leave a bag of chips but put anything sweet in front of me and I will eat it.

I am concerned more than anything that I will get the surgery and still eat the sweets.  I need to get it under control now.  This surgery is seriously the last thing I can try to help me lose a good amount of weight to get my life back.

You do know that the first thing that you should change is skipping breakfast and lunch. Once you have the surgery you will need to have these two meals. It makes such a difference eating these two meals.  You starve your body all day that by the time you start with dinner the body can not stop.  

The sugars I would not worry about. Most people find after the surgery find they can not handle a lot of sugar. you will ended up dumping or feeling like crap and neither one is fun so you learn to stay below a certain level.

You are doing great by walking and keep it up.

This surgery can and will work if you are ready to make the life change. You just need to be ready and you are the only one who knows if you are or not. 

Just remember if we all could have gotten the eating under control before surgery than we would not have need the surgery

You can do this!!!

First off, you are doing your laps!!!

Second, you are opening yourself up on this forum.  Well done!!!

Now let's get the eating under control.  Baby steps.  I am almost one year post op and I still think about food all the time.  Basically because I have to eat every few hours.  So this is a good thing...I just have to watch what I eat. 

I find my sweets are curbed by eating a mixture of greek yogurt and 1/4 banana mashed into it.  Then I add a bit of sweetner or sugar free torani.  I tell myself this is a treat.  And it is sooooooo good!  Plus it is high is protein. 

We are taught to eat every few hours so if you don't usually eat breakfast or lunch try a protein shake or yogurt for now.  Make sure you eat a protein first.  Greek yogurt has lots of protein, I get the Kirkland brand because it has little sugar.  Source is another great yogurt.

Hopefully with you introducing some small meals earlier in the day, it will help with your cravings.  Grin and bear, my friend...you will do it!!!

Dont wait for Monday to come.. So you screwed up yesterday today is a new day start again.. Baby steps take small baby steps.. I am waiting for orientation my referral was put in at the end of October.. With researching read no pop so I gave up pop I was huge pop drinker.. It was a hard week I haven't touch since November 1.. I turned to water pu****er with me all the time I even crave water now.. My next step is coffee cut back a lot only have one or two cups a week.. Make daily goal even if it just something small for breakfast and lunch get in the habit of having something .. Once your in the habit of having breakfast and lunch then  concentrating on protein with breakfast and lunch.. The little things makes a huge difference.. I am working on eating small meals instead of three.. You can do this learn from you mistakes. If you mess up today remember tomorrow a new day..

"Waiting for Monday" is what got us to "waiting for surgery". 

You need to start now and you have by walking laps. That is a great start. The sweets however have to go. They shouldn't even be in the house. If you are buying them stop. If others are getting them for you then you need to tell them to stop. If they are not in your house you can't binge on them. We all have struggled with this and I am not implying it is easy but it is all Up To You.

You need to worry about the sweets because not all of us dump after surgery and trust me.....they can easily sneak back in our diet. Especially if they are you weakness. The trick is to not have them in your house. You might still binge but at least it won't be on pure sugar. You can and will do this but you are going to have to make some changes and not on "Monday" but  today and everyday. I am post op and still struggle at the store. I tell myself all kinds of stuff like its for the "kids" or my hubby or just in case company comes. But I don't now because I was and am addicted and if its home I'll eat it. Still to this day!

I want you to be successful and you will. Be strong and be proactive!

This is a great opportunity for you so take it and run with it. You will fall, we all do, but get up brush yourself off and keep going.

You can do this!

To heck with "starting on Monday"... start TODAY. It'll be a good habit for you to begin. Get familiar with My Fitness Pal and use it to get some estimates of your current intake, both for food and liquids.

Make sure you are starting to up your liquids to around 80 oz per day. It'll do you a world of good and be great for your skin too!

Laps in your apartment are GREAT! Something is always better than nothing, so keep that up! Good first step!

And yes, do stop skipping meals. That is one of the things that my centre asks about frequently. It's a big 'no-no' and it sets you up for failure. If I didn't eat all day, I'd be ravenous by the time dinner/evening came and I'd devour everything in sight (assuming I had a normal sized stomach, that is). So it's not a suprise to me that it's hard to control when you're depriving yourself of great, nourishing food all day long and then trying to get through your evenings.

I would recommend that you might want to discuss some of these eating issues with someone professional. When we do this surgery, we have a whole TEAM of folks who are there to help us. We need to build our team ourselves. It usually has our family, friends (those who know you are doing this), partner, sometimes coworkers, but of course in there should be your surgeon, nurse team, dietitians, and a behavourist or psychologist or psychiatrist (depending on your needs). I think it couldn't hurt to explore the reasons you feel you cannot get your eating under control and that will help you in the long run.

I can tell you this though: with the surgery, there ARE ways to eat around it and still consume too many calories. So you have to be in the right frame of mind and ready to make some drastic changes in the long-term to get to your goal. If you are prepared to do that, then you will have GREAT success. But only you know if you are truly ready. Seek that in yourself. Look deep down and determine if NOW is the time to save your life.

Wishing you all the best as you travel this path. Don't hesitate to post and vent, ask questions, despair, whatever. That's what we're all here for. *hugs*

Contact your centre and see if you can start counseling now for your addictions. Having someone to talk to can work out strategies with is great Also congrats on the laps. You need to give your self a break. Baby steps. If you binge today then make tomorrow a new day. One day at a time like any other addiction

You've received a number of very good suggestions. I'll make two more. 

1) See if your area has the Craving Change workshop. It's free in some areas, and helps you determine why you're eating when you shouldn't, as well as giving you some coping strategies. I found it very helpful.

2) While it may seem new-agey, consider the Nambudripad Allergy Elimination Technique (see https://www.naet-canada.com/ for information as well as practitioners). I was incredibly skeptical at first, but I used to binge regularly on ice cream in a totally out of control way until I was treated for a sensitivity to sugar, fat and dairy. Now, I think I've had some ice cream 2-3 times in the past 4-5 years.

Good luck!

Your wait for Monday that never seems to materialize sounds all too familiar for me.   I'd make a big plan to change and then poof one slip and back to all the bad habits.   What worked for me a few months leading up to surgery was to pick one or two things each week to change.  Tim Hortons was/is a weakness of mine.   My regular breakfast was 2 tea biscuits and a coffee.   Rather than do no tea biscuits I changed to one for a week and had an extra bottle of water.   Week two I made sure I had something for lunch each day (I was bad for skipping meals).   I picked something I knew was easier to conquer and one a bit tougher. 

A grand plan to change sometimes seems great and well intentioned but some of us need to break it down into small goals.   Pick a couple things today that you can change and keep going with.   Something as simple as that extra bottle of water when you wake in the morning.   One more lap of your apartment.  Toast before bed was another problem for me.  Instead of two pieces,  I had one.  Changed 2% milk for 1%.   Personally being able to conquer small things made me feel like I was accomplishing something.   Even today after losing all the weight and keeping most of it off I find myself gaining a few pounds sometimes.  I know there are probably 10 things contributing to it but I pick a couple a week to change and eventually I get back to where I need to be. 

You can do this.   One step at a time. 

Kristie

I too would obsess about food when I would go on a calorie / portion restricted diet.  What worked for me was going on Atkins.  I really liked the "you can have as much of THIS as you want but none of THAT" aspect of the diet.  It is very black and white and you don't even have to portion control at first.  At the beginning, you can eat what seems to be unlimited amounts of eggs, bacon, steak, cheese and still lose weight.   Eating enough of the proteins and fats at first  helps fill the void of those sugar cravings.  Then as the sugar cravings subside and ketosis sets in, your appetite will go down.   You will eat a normal portion of eggs, salads with full fat dressings, steak, low carb veggies, etc.  Low carb diets are generally what is recommended after surgery, so you can use this time to learn that it isn't just about sweets and deserts... carbs are in EVERYTHING (sauces, processed cheese products, etc).  And you can learn what to avoid after surgery.  I definitely used the ketostix to monitor my ketone levels everyday.  I really learned what affected me and what had too many carbs that way.  As I progressed in the diet, I started monitoring portion sizes and calories with MyFitnessPal.  If you start low carbing now, you will be so used to not eating sweets by the time of your surgery, that it should be a breeze.

But be sure to work with your doctor.  Going low carb can DEFINITELY decrease your need for diabetic medications.  

And your laps around the apartment are great!  I have the low carb thing down but am really working to motivate myself on the excercise portion now.  

Good Luck.  The low carb diet will really help with your cravings and the surgery will help you even further.