Selling myself short in the Dating world?
on 1/10/15 8:21 am
The only reason dating is difficult is because we don't relax and enjoy. When you go to a party...you walk in...mingle and then naturally gravitate to someone or a group. Well dating should be just as easy. Go in without ANY expectation and it will be fun and free. Think iof it as meeting new friends and simply just that. You are only responsible for your feelings. You can't control how someone else feels about you. Do you 😘
Jennifer, I assume you are doing the online dating thing...and when I read this:
But I don't know why I continue to see any of them. I know what it feels like to be in love, or to be filled with anticipation of seeing that person again, and I just don't feel it
It really struck a chord with me. For some reason, I just never get that feeling from online dates. I gave up several years ago. I found it to be a soul-sucking endeavor. Mind you that was prior to surgery so there were lots of issues.
Obviously, I am not the right person to give you advice. I am 41, single and I think I'm a real catch, so dating is a giant mystery to me. I just wanted to tell you that I admire you for being so bold and brave. Think of dates like job interviews, they are all great learning experiences.
Dating is exhausting. if you go out with a guy twice and you don't feel 'it', then don't feel bad about moving on...Agreeing to go out with someone who isn't 'in your league' doesn't mean you're selling yourself short. But staying with someone after you've figured it out is...
Get out there, have some tapas with some moderately attractive, boring dudes until one day, you are being fed olives by a super hot, super smart, super ambitious dude who is totally into you!
Good luck!!!
Sonja
Referral: Nov 12 Sleep Study: Feb 13 Orientation: Feb 13 1st appt NSWD: May 13 2nd appt NSWD July 13 2nd Sleep Study: Dec 13 Post Op Nut: April 14 Meet Dr. Pereira-Hong: May 14 PATTS: July 8 14 Surgery: July 22 14
Jennifer.....I absolutely agree with Sonja and LMAO at her cute post! I did however find success online, and actually met my husband online 12 years ago. We have been very happy since, have an incredible 10 year old boy, a home and he is a super duper step-dad to my almost 21 yr old daughter LOL It doesn't matter where you meet a person, bar, grocery store, work, gym, library, friends or online......you will know when it is right. Lots has changed for you in the last couple of months and will continue to change for the next year so slow down and enjoy the ride, enjoy each date, learn from each date what makes you smile......inside and out! Test the waters so to speak
Chrissy ~~~ doctor referral May 29/14; info session Aug 18/14; surgeon appt Dr. Starr 
Oct 15/14; dietitian, social worker & nurse Dec 11/14; 2nd appts dietitian, SW & nurse Jan 19/15; Dr. Glazer Feb 25/15; 2 weeks OPTIFAST April 15/15; surgery date April 29/15 
AGE: 48 HEIGHT: 5'6"
Online dating is definitely a draining, and hard process, but I cannot chalk it up to a complete failure, I have met some great friends from it, and also, I did fall in love with a man years back I had met online. I just think there have to be some good ones on there, if I am... Right?
I have been on enough online dates, and I just don't even get nerves with it anymore, I go in with zero expectations, and always make the best of it no matter what. I can maybe say, estimate 5% of them have been bad, so I think I have been pretty lucky with it (knock on wood) Plus when you are new to a city, know no one, and work from home, meeting people can be a serious challenge.
And you're right, they are all great learning experiences, I guess I am really just used to focusing on dating one man, even though I know they aren't (well most anyway) but this time I have decided to not do that, and that is why I am struggling...
I love this " But staying with someone after you've figured it out is... Absolutely agree... That helped me.
Thank you so much Sonja! Maybe try okcupid if you haven't? I have found that site to be the best as far as determining compatibility or at least finding like minded people. 
Continue dating "yourself" for a while. From your writings you sound like someone who has a healthy self confidence, are independant, vibrant and embarking on the journey of your life. If it was me, I'd enjoy the solo ride & not take on any passengers.
I remember 'ol timey on line dating, and I was always warry if a man was instantly attracted to me...and they mostly seemed to be that way...just too desperate. It would get my spidey sense up and I thought it better to just enjoy my life - having a partner is not the end all to be all.
Follow your spidey sense girl, I suspect it is pretty spot on.
I agree that having a partner is not the end all to be all, but I do miss companionship and have been single for some time. I am completely going to enjoy myself and not over think anything, because you're right, I don't need any passengers, this is about me right now... And I can't wait to see what the future holds. Thank you so much for the kind words. I have worked on my confidence quite a bit over the lat few years, it wasn't always this way. xo
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