Its weird how we don't see it...

I have lost 47lbs since October 8th. I went to visit my sister this weekend, whom I have not seen since before surgery (we are not extremely close) And she said the change was DRASTIC. She wouldn't lie, she isn't exactly the type to throw compliments my way. She kept saying it, over and over,  And yet here I am, feeling like I lost a bit of weight, but definitely not seeing anything majour. I think part of it stems from the fact that whenever I have dieted, and lost weight in the past, I always got to around the number I am now, never below it, so I am used to being this size at various moments of my life. Mind you, they were short lived. 

I honestly just don't notice it that much...yet. I know its happening, and I feel better, but I just do not see DRASTIC.

So yep, its weird how we don't see it the way others do. I'm thinking when I get to onederland, 199 lbs, would mean I have lost 63lbs. I think that's when I will notice it. 15LBS TO ONEDERLAND. And the smallest I will have been in a long time.

Damn this tool is amazing. 

Congrats Jennifer I have lost 42lbs my self

Thanks! And congrats to you on your loss also! 

This is a subject I am really curious about too .Looking back , I've always felt big , or bigger than most . But when I look at pictures now ,or remember the numbers ( weights ) its ridiculous ! I actually  believe I sabotaged myself up to this weight because I never believed I was small !? If that makes any sense ? I've never been ' aware ' that I've been small or slim , at the times when I have been . In my late teens early 20's , I was maybe around 10 or 15 lbs overweight on and off .  Thinking about how I felt at that time , I felt HUGE !!! Like the total outcast  in comparison  to friends and family . Why did I feel  like that ? Why couldn't I see that I was simply strong and healthy . 

In my head right now going into this ,I'm trying to be really mindful , and open with myself . I'm staring at my body in the mirror and making myself see it for what it really is . And I'm really gonna try and see and accept the changes . I really don't want to get to ten years down the line ,and look back and think the same way having sabotaged this surgery and myself again. I want to live in the moment throughout every phase of my weight loss . If I can . Hopefully it will come with my maturity now ? I'm not sure ........but I want to look at myself and see the reality , instead of a perception that I have in my head .I want to love and accept myself and be happy with what I see . 

I hope you get there too darlin , and I soo hear you when you talk about getting to a point where you've not been for a while and getting past that . It's onederland  for me also . Its been over 10 years !! :(  At this point it's just a sort of fantasy , I can't fathom that yet ! But I'm gonna give it everything I've got and I will get there :) You will too doll . You have done amazing , and stayed so positive and inspiring for me throughout .  Keep it up Missus !! 

How are you feeling anyway ? Did you check out that pain you were having ? I hope you are feeling better dear x 

Anyway , sorry for rambling !! I'm feeling ' thoughtful  ' this week ! Lol ...the closer surgery is getting the more I'm thinking of everything in a deeper sense ! Excited but a little nervous too ! But I'm ready Baybeeeeee  !! 

Jax xx

I was the opposite, in that I never felt HUGE, even though 262lbs on a 5ft3 frame, is not a small girl. I knew I was overweight, but was in serious denial as to how overweight I was. It was only until I reached my 30's and started realizing how difficult day to day things had become. How I was declining invitations solely due to my weight, and not being able to keep up with friends, or just not wanting to leave my house. 

Like you, before surgery, I finally started to really look at my body for what it was. I took before pictures, terrible ones, very unflattering, which is something I have always avoided. I looked at them the other day, in hopes I would see a change, but nope, I don't. Its weird. My mind must be playing tricks on me, because no one loses nearly 50lbs , and 11 inches off their waist, and doesn't see a big change.

I'm at the weight now where most of my diet attempts started to fail, because I started thinking I looked good and was fine. Except this time, I don't feel that way, and I want to go all the way with this journey. For once in my life, I see it happening. 

I think the last time I remember being in onederland, I was late 20's, and I remember being at a girls party and them telling me how amazing I looked. Asking how much I had lost, and when I told them I weighed 189lbs, they were shocked the number was so high. I remember that moment for some reason. I think I was wearing a size 9/10 at that weight. I can't wait to get there, and not stop there.

I feel great right now, all pain subsided on Sunday morning. I feel back to my normal self.

Eight days for you now. I can't wait to see you reach onederland. I'll be here for it! I know you'll get there. 

xoxoxo 

Jennifer, I know EXACTLY what you mean.  I look at myself in the mirror and all I see are the rolls and flab that lingers.  I'm still a 'fat chick' in my head.  I've been overweight/obese my entire life.  I don't know if I will ever be able to look at myself as a "normal" person (whatever that is).  Because of my build/body type I will most likely always have to wear plus-sized clothes and I don't think I'll ever hit "onederland" without looking very ill.  I just have to keep telling myself that mirrors lie (or better, what *I* see in the mirror is a lie) and that I am healthier than I have been in a very, very long time.  My body will never be perfect and I am okay with that (except on overly hormonal day).  I've learned to smile and say "thank you!" when I get compliments on my weight loss instead of saying "Oh, I still have a lot left to lose."   

So CONGRATULATIONS to you and your amazing success so far.  Enjoy it, but look at the big picture instead of just the numbers.  You are so right about this being an amazing tool. :)

TES

Yea I so get that.  I would guess most of us do.  Looking back at pictures of yourself when you were younger, but heavier than your peer group you would kill to be that weight again knowing what you know.  There is always more weight to put on, even when you think this is my highest, my body will stop here.  If we could have come to grips with our bodies back in the day we might not be where we are now, but that also speaks to our experience and we can do this journey more wisely this time.  

For me, I am at a healthy BMI and yes when I looked in the mirror I could see it and relished it, be proud of it, but recently I am finding that when I look in the mirror I don't see the difference so much.  I have to really concentrate to see the healthy body before me.  I wonder if it is our mind's eye overiding our common sense?

Obesity is a real mind f**k aint it?

I am the same way Jennifer. I will be 10 months out on Thursday. I've lost 92 pounds and I still don't see it. I still see ME when I look in the mirror.  I see the difference in pictures.  I know my clothes are smaller. 

I'm sick of being told by my mother in law that I'm small enough and I need to stop.  She annoys me.....lol. I don't think she likes that I'm smaller than her....way smaller now. My husband, kids or  mom will tell me and their word I trust ♡

I am 5 years out and I still think of myself fat. I don't see it.  I am bad at trying on clothes that are to big. Not to long ago i went and bought some new running gear started with a Large and they were to big so went to the Medium still to big ended up with extra small. Losing the weight is the easy part the head part is another whole thing. I may never see what other people see. Keep up the good work

The head weight is hard to deal with and will be for a long time!  That part of our journey is very intriguing....