Support Lacking and relationships Changing

My mother knows about the surgery but she feels as though I'm selfish for wanting it or feeling like I need it. I literally cannot do anything right in her eyes. My brother hates me, I have almost no friends. I'm a single mom, I work full time and get no help financially or otherwise in supporting and taking care of my kids (I know, oh poor me, right?). I told my mother that my surgery is some time far off into the future and when I do get my real date, I intend to lie about needing some sort of emergency surgery so that she'll feel some sort of sympathy/empathy and help care for my kids while I recover. Maybe. She may yet find a way to make me feel bad about it. I wish I had more support but alas...

Jax has been my biggest supporter thus far and I'm grateful to have met her.I also have a good friend I keep in touch with regularity but she lives more than 4 hours away and we never get to see each other. I'm so happy to have this forum and the people on it.

Hi Seyenna, I just wanted to express that I am in the same kind of boat as you - single mom to 3 kids, with the oldest being 12, work full time but am now at a better place financially (at least in the way of being able to care for my kids, still have some other financial issues to deal with).  My mom is somewhat supportive somewhat nervous for me...she thinks I should deal with one stressful thing at a time (I'm still going through the courts with my ex) but I know she'll be there for my kids in a heartbeat, we've already spoken that if anything were to happen to me (don't worry, I plan on being here well into my 90's at least), she would be there to take care of them and raise them.  I have a brother who has a tendency to put me down more than support my decisions, we're not close but our kids are.  I have a few friends, 2 I can count on that have been with me since I was 8...

I too am extremely fortunate to have found this forum as it's showing me, I'm not alone, that there is quite a few people who share similar life stories.

I can relate to a lot of what you shared... Mainly the family issues, and lack of friendships... If you ever wanted chit chat, send me a message!! jax is amazing, so glad I reached out to her on the boards. I haven't met her yet, but I'm pretty sure most all can sense she is good stuff!

It'll all be worth it in the end.

I am very close to a year out and I have pretty much lost my best friend of 10+ yrs. While I have been going through this, she has been moving in the opposite way on the scale. She did tell me that she could not be happy for me as she was not happy with herself. That is all well and fine, but its the constant cutting comments that in the end made my decision.

Some change, sometimes, it seems like all people have to talk to me about is my weight loss, it does sometimes feel all consuming and overwhelming.

But on the upside, I have met some new amazing people, its nice to see all the hard work at the gym over the years showing through.

So sometimes there is bad, but focus on the good. Pull away from those who do not support you, it can be detrimental and harming to you.  Stacy close with the people who are happy and supportive. Give your friends some time, if they keep that way, talk to them and decide. Maybe they just do not know how to react.

Good luck, its a great ride!

Sorry about losing a 10+ year friendship, just sucks, no one wants that to happen after surgery...

I think you are right to say 'give your friends some time' For now, I will just focus on me, and try to not let it bring me down when they aren't reaching out nearly as much, or when they are not asking how I am doing... And it seems to always be me making the efforts. I will give them some time, that is good advice.

I look forward to meeting new people as well :D

I have noticed the same thing, I'm pre op and having surgery in 9 days. Like you, I haven't overly talked about it, but I have brought it up from time to time. I know I have supported my friends thru all different kind of peaks, valleys, etc & it would be nice to have the same support in return. Its strange because people I expected to be supportive haven't been and those I didn't expect much from have been my biggest cheerleaders!!

My Psychologist told me that sometines the people around us will have more of problem with the changes we're making than us actually having a problem changing.

I wish you the best of luck!

I have just stopped mentioning it altogether, and coming to this forum for support... I have only told a few close girlfriends, that I have known for 20 years,  and also my mother and sister, all of whom seem to not be interested, and just offer a lack of overall enthusiasm for me. I was lonely, and wanting to talk to someone about it, in need of support, that one night, impulsively, I actually decided to tell a male platonic friend of mine , whom I have known for six months. And oddly, to my surprise, he has been my biggest support overall.

Its sad when 20+ yr friendships, and family, do not offer 1/10th of the support someone I have known for six months has. Little did I know, that a year prior to me knowing him, he was nearly 100 lbs heavier on his 5ft7 frame. I was absolutely shocked. He totally understands what it is like to live in a world as a bigger person, and the struggles that come with that. 

I hope you do get the support you require, please feel free to send me a message should you ever want to talk! I am 5 days pre op, so we are very close in our journey timeline.

I completely understand what you're going thru. Even tho I'm not alone, I feel all alone in this journey. Like you I have told close girlfrieds who I have know forever. My best friend is showling little to no interest. Another dear freind is more concerned that I won't be able to drink or eat at her wedding. My drink & food consumption will no way hinder me at her wedding. I plan on having fun and I can't wait to dance.

I told my co-workers yesterday and they were all so supportive. That was a really good feeling.

I was thiking maybe my expectations were too high, but I expect to be treated how I have treated my friends. I know I have been more than supportive so it would be nice to have it in return.

Thank goodness for this website!! Its a blessing!!

Good luck on your surgery & journey! I look forward to seeing your updates.

Opposite for me, while I have no issues talking about it. Many people bring it up because of the drastic change. (120 lbs since March) It's too the point of almost rolling my eyes when I hear someone tell me "oh... how you've changed".

:/