S&*% or get off the pot?

Pardon the crude title, but that's how I'm feeling.  I keep waffling back and forth whether surgery is right for me or not.  I think of all the benefits (mainly my kids) that I will gain from it.  I will gain a WHOLE new life.  But on the flip side I could have complications... this could be how I die...  Then there would be no better life for me and my kids. 

This is such a hard decision to make.  When I talk to my mom, that's when I question everything.  But when I talk to my husband I get such conviction and know this is what I need to do.

I don't know that I have any questions per se, maybe I just need to put this out there.  I've questioned this before, and I know the answer, "Only I will know if I'm ready"  But I don't know if I will... 

I would welcome and appreciate any tips, advice, instruction, encouragement, discouragement, whatever that may follow.

It IS a hard decision. When you feel so positive about surgery in speaking with your husband (obviously you have his full support) think about why you are able to feel that way, what points the two of you are discussing to feel such conviction that this is a good choice for you. Weigh that with the doubtful feelings you have when talking with your mom about it.

Maybe you do have some questions that would ease your mind a little. We are happy to answer!

K.

Do it.

Your mom is coming at it from a place of concern. Being VERY worried about possible complications and uppermost in her mind is 'losing her baby girl!' I questioned my centre specifically about their death rates. In all the years they've been doing bariatric surgeries, they've NEVER lost one person on the table. Not one.  The handful of deaths they have had are attributable to factors that were largely out of their control. One person had brain damage when she didn't take her B12 after her surgery. Another died of alcohol poisoning. Things like that. So you have to be 100% honest with your surgeon and your centre. That is why we are put through such strenuous screenings before we ever get on the table to begin with.

Your husband sees this from a point of view saying, "How much MORE incredible will my wife be? WOW!"

Frankly, stick with your husband's view. Sure, complications can happen. Read up on them here. Read the horror stories and hear how the problems CAN be resolved. And then listen to stories like mine. Surgery in February. So far, no problems with following the diet, with transitioning back to solids, no complications. And look at that... 100+ lbs lost in only 6 months. Jeez. I could NEVER have done that on my own. Lord knows, I've tried.

Look at all the good things that can come out of this. Focus on the good, but be prepared in case you run into the bad. Take everything in stride and follow doctor's orders. And you will do GREAT! Honestly and truly, my only regret is that I didn't do this earlier to take advantage of more time to enjoy this brand new life!

Hello,  I am also in the process of screening for WLS and I too have moments when I wonder if this is the right thing to do or not. I am a grandmother with 4 little grandchildren and I want to be the best I can for them. For me I am looking at the health benefits that will come from surgery. For I know if I don't get my weight under control I am not going to live a long healthy life and the quality of my life will be so much less.  With that said, I am like you, I wonder if I will have complications and if I will even wake up from the surgery. 

I think part of these worries and questions are normal and are expected and it is why I am glad we do have to go through such a long screening process. SO we know without a doubt when we go in for surgery it is what we NEED. 

One thing that always helps me is when I go for my appointments at the clinic  I always leave with a sense of  peace and on those drives home I KNOW it is the right thing to do.  I have not told my mother about the surgery yet. She is 82 and I KNOW she would not want me having surgery...that is a mother's love, her concern and it comes from a place of protection. 

You are right only you will know what  is best for you. Trust the process and learn all you can about the procedure.  Weigh the pros and cons as honestly as you can...this is the time to be raw and real with yourself...I ask myself if I am ready for the changes that I know will come, changes in relationships, changes in body....it really take great courage to face the unknown and in some respects that is what this is...it take courage and lots of bravery to change...HUGGGGS 

There is little I can add to the wise words that have already been said, but I do want to point out one thing. Yes, there is a risk of complications with surgery, although not everyone has complications, and very rarely are they fatal. But there are also risks associated with staying overweight that are just as significant.

I wish you all the best.

Lorraine

I felt the same way, questioned it all and had a huge fear of dying on the table, or shortly after.  I had my surgery in August, and it went excellent.  The way I looked at it, I could continue on as I was and die from obesity related causes - heart attack, stroke, etc.  or I could take my life back and have the surgery and likely live life like I was supposed to - happy and healthy.  I have children, and I want to skate with them, bike ride with them, and show them how to be fit and healthy.  Of course I had second thoughts, but so far, I have never regretted my decision.  

I say go for it, but I this is something you need to decide.  Good luck.

You will not regret doing this for yourself and your family. It is life changing for the better. There are risks associated with everything and even people I know who have had complications wouldn't change a thing. Good luck!

I had surgery at 59. I had atrial fibrillation and other risk factors going into surgery. So far at 2.5 yrs I have had no complications. You need to list the pros and cons. Will you be able to keep up with your kids better? Are there events or activities you do not participate in because of your weight? My son was against my surgery because he was afraid for me. Now he is very proud of me.

Good luck with your decision

"You fear the things you want the most". That was a phrase I heard in the car during one of my private freak out sessions. It was something that I was meant to hear because I was on the verge of a panic attack that day. After I heard those words I stopped and thought about it. I did my research. I found a great surgeon. I have a great support group. Fear is trying to take away something that will change my life for the better. And when do I let fear run MY life. After that day I felt 100% better. People would ask if I was nervous and I would say No!

It is a big decision. It is OK to take your time to make the decision. Just know that you have your best interest at heart and there is no place for fear to make a home!

I'm not sure I can add much to all the wonderful supportive things that have been said here other than I agree. Make sure you discuss your concerns about complications with your surgeon don't be afraid to ask them about complication/death rates etc.. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised what you find out. I believe more people die everyday from the complications of obesity than the number of people who die from the complications of WLS in a months (anybody please correct me if I'm wrong). Also again if I'm not mistaken a lot of the deaths that occur are not under the control of the surgeon himself such as non-compliance with vitamin routines, dietary routines and restrictions ,etc.. these can also cause many complications as well. I asked my center and they said they had done over 500 surgeries last year and in that had only 1 death and it was after 90 days and was related to vitamin non-compliance. They had 0 deaths within 30 days of surgery. Be open, truthful and honest with them about your life and lifestyle, etc.. so they can devise the best and safest plan for you. Make sure you are satisfied and comfortable with your surgeon if your not go elsewhere, this is your body and you have the right to choose who you decide should do this for you. Have you had any therapy or counselling maybe that could help you make your decision, speaking to someone who is unbiased. Good-Luck with making your decision :-)