I wonder...

How my life will be in one year from now. August 2015. Probably very very different. Right now, I stay in on the weekends, not because I don't want to enjoy life with my very healthy and active friends, but because I can't physically keep up with them. I find myself declining a lot of invitations, because of that one reason.

I've also watched friendships drift away for the same reason. Those friends used to extend invites to me, but now they don't, because why bother, I always say no, or give some lame excuse. I'm relatively young (early 30's) live in a very active and lively downtown Toronto, where there are always festivals, and concerts, and things I have never participated in. I have also not been on one date in almost a year, which I think is a pretty long time for a 30 something... 

My quality of life is so poor, I'm isolated, I also work from home, so that doesn't really help with the isolation bit either. I can't wait to get a new lease on life. I keep thinking of the near future, and just how different my life will be at this time next year. I'm sure many of those here on the forums post op do the same. Envision what it will feel like to throw on a little summer dress, and walk out the door. To accept invitations, dates, to flirt, to not hate summer, to not run from the camera, and to actually smile in pictures, to get out there and start living.

 Its really not that far off, a year... I can't wait.

Hi Lynne, 

I too wonder what my life WOULD have been like if I at your age would have made the decision to do something about my weight.  How those 20 years in between 33 and 53 would have been different?

I am 53 years old now and waiting for approval for surgery. The decision for surgery did not come easy, I tried EVERYTHING under the sun , I would lose up to 100 pounds at times and then somehow it would find me again.....we are conditioned as humans when we LOSE something to FIND it again...I guess weight is not different....Surgery for me will be a tool that I need to lose the weight and keep it off.....But only if I respect that tool...

I assume my surgery  date will be sometime in  winter 2015. I am going through Guelph General and it seems a very long process...the waiting is difficult.....feels like I am in limbo right now.... However I  can't complain about my life, I have been lucky in many ways.  However I can relate to how you are feeling. I too decline invites to attend social functions because like you I am not very happy with myself right now.  My husband is patient and my friends are also patient but I know I let them down when I don't participate.

I have a very demanding, high stress  job in child welfare that has me running and driving  and very active 5 days a week... Which means by the week end I am TOAST and just want to isolate myself. I am hoping after the surgery and having the tool to lose this weight once and for all I will have more energy....being a "little" older than you I would like to make a suggestion....Why don't we start "living" now....take some chances and step outside our comfort zones?

  I was driving yesterday and I got to thinking....I know a bad thing lol... losing 130 lbs will be wonderful and will certainly provide me with more health and opportunities....BUT it is not the MAGIC solution to make everything better....if we stay in now and decline invitations...is it really because of our weight?  Or could there possibly be something else? When I am 130 lbs will I still want my alone time? Will I find another excuse to stay home?  The answer is I might, who knows...but really the only thing I do know for certain without a shadow of a doubt is  THIS DAY right now is the only day we are promised...I am trying really hard to live in the moment and to enjoy these days...as much as I can. Some days it works, other days it doesn't.  I have spent almost half a century thinking, " when I lose weight I will do this or that." It is a hard way to live....so like you I WONDER what my life will be like a year from now.  If losing this weight and at last finding freedom from food will bring me the peace and confidence I seek. But somehow I think it will take more work than just losing the weight....who knows. 

I wish you well on your journey and will look for how you are doing. 

Darlene 

Darlene,

you could be me speaking in your post!  I am 58 and have been obese since my mid 20's.  I did finally get the lap band and lost a lot of weight but it failed me and I gave up for many personal reasons and regained it all plus 20.  I recently had it taken out and am in line for the sleeve now.

That said, to the original poster, a year will go quickly if you stay busy.  Don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself (not saying you are) and wondering why things are the way they are.  Look into your truth about what got you here and take control where you can.  And start planning.

Hi Karen, 

I have been honest with myself as to why I am in this position... Its not an easy thing to face. I am already prepping for my future, and starting many goals to be successful in this, such as journaling, food charts ect. Its all helped me come to the realization of why I am in this state. When I met with the psychologist, he said I was very self aware, and I remember thinking, he's right, I am, I do know myself, and I do know what has put me here. I also know, I can't do this on my own, I have tried so many times, and years are just passing me by. I need the tool that surgery will provide me to be successful.

Good luck to you!

Hi Darlene, I relate a lot to your story, I am pretty sure I have been on a diet 90% of my adult life. I've lost a lot, I've gained back more. Never ending cycle.

I watched my mother have two triple bypass surgeries, diabetes, high blood pressure, and such a poor quality of life. I couldn't help but feel like I was a ticking time bomb, and soon will end up with her same struggles. She had RNY two years ago, and I thought about it back then as well, but instead I chose to wait. I wanted to try to do this on my own, and here I am over two years later and 35 more lbs on my 5ft3 frame. I'm glad I waited though, now I know, I need this tool, I'm ready. OH and I should mention, my mother was incredibly successful with the surgery, and is now living the life she has always wanted. It bring s tears to my eyes to talk about it, to see such a drastic change is someones personality, shes finally who she was meant to be. Happy, lively, positive, and she also seemed to have lost the chip on her shoulder that she always had.

I'm sure there is more to it than the weight as far as why we decline invitations, but I do know, for me personally, I want to be out there. The psychologist talked to me in detail about my isolation, and we discussed the same thing, is it truly just the weight, and of course its not only that, but I feel like I am missing out on so much, and I know me and I know I would 200% be out there. I miss my friends. I miss being social. I miss the company of a man! haha I want to start dating, and running around the city with my girlfriends dancing, laughing, and being the 30 something woman I am.  I'm excited about my future.

'When I lose weight I will do this or that' I am all too familiar with that statement. I guess we will both just have to see how this journey unfolds before we truly know how it is going to change our lives. I don't know about you, but I am so looking forward to it. I think I'll do well. I am pretty positive about that.

I will be watching your successes on the forums, I know you'll have them to share soon enough :) Thank you so much for sharing your story, age differences don't matter, all of us here struggle with the very same issues. 

I wish you nothing but success!

-L

thank you Lynne, you make me feel young :) having the experience of watching your mother go through the process will give you yet another tool and support. It sounds like you have made this decision with alot of thought and planning.  You know weight is one of those things that can really change a personality.  I know when I have lost alot of weight...I change...I become more free in many ways. I am not hindered by the weight...sometimes I used to say that people changed the way they treated me...but in actuality IT WAS ME who changed...there was often an uncomfortable period during the change...that often led to regain....Losing weight and keeping it off whether with the WLS tool or on our own...for me  it has always been more "mental" than physical...and that is what I am working on now...pre surgery.....I look forward to sharing this journey with you. :)

A year isn't that far away.  And you'll see a lot of changes between now and then.  Keep a copy of this post, and when times get tough, read it.  It'll remind you where you were, and where you wanted to go.

Good luck on your journey,

Cathy

Thank you Cathy, I will do exactly that. I am sure I will have days in the suture when I will need that reminder of where I was, and how I felt at this moment.

Thanks again for the kind words,

-L

It seems like the journey is very long to get to the surgery. You sounds like you are doing very well and being Optimistic!  Your confidence is taking a beating though! Feel proud that you are well on your way! It took great courage to start this process. Chin up girl....next summer will be different, in the men time, try to get out more, accept sone invitations!

Texting in the dark...sorry for the typos, Karen