ARRGGG!!! Family

Thanks, nice to know i can count on you guys. Can't choose your family i guess.

Family can hurt us more than anyone else. We expect love and support and are let down when it does not happen. Once you are feeling better it might be time to move. You may actually get along better not living together

I think that true. We also lived together for so long, i think we've grown apart and we are both grown ups who don't want to be told by the other what to do. Hopefully everything goes well and i'd be able to move soon. Thanks for the support.

It sure sounds like you have had a tough time of it. It also sounds like you and your sister have been through a lot together. You mention she is the only family you have in Canada. Wow that must be so hard. You are both very brave.

 Apart from her being insensitive I wonder if some of her negative reactions are from her own fear? I come from a large family, there are 8 siblings...some of us drive each other crazy....but deep down inside we love each other. Is it possible your sister is afraid she will lose you and when she says. " I told you you could do this on your own" she is more upset with the surgery procedure than with you?

 I am in the pre surgery stage and I have only told a few people...my older sister is one...she was able to express respectfully that she is worried about me and is afraid something will happen..Now mind you my sister and I are a bit older than you and your sister...I am 53 and she is 63 so we have some maturity under our belts that might help us and we  DON'T live together lol...it upset me at first that she did not support me, but I can understand her rationale. 

I also agree with some others on  here, if you and your sister really can't support each other emotionally it is probably best you live apart...I hope if it comes to that it can be done on good terms....I can't imagine having only one family member in Canada....I am hoping you have other supports, friends , neighbours, community,  to count on if you need them? If not you might want to  increase those other supports.  Relying too much on one person for drives and care can be really difficult and place a lot of stress on you both.  

I wish you all the best and get to the doctor and figure out what is going on!  Also think about strengths your sister has and the last time you two had some fun together....I know it is hard....but sometimes the people who are the hardest to love are the ones who need it the most. 

Darlene 

Thanks for the heart felt comment. I've come to the point were i try not to rely on her at all or anyone else for that matter. I thinks things will sort themselves out eventually and hopefully we can mend our relationship.

I can honestly feel for you. I have no family support. I have been ostracized by my family because of another reason so I have no support for them. Thankfully my partner, my children and my best friend are good support. Mind you my best friend at first was not supportive she also said I was taking the easy way out, etc.. Then I explained to her how hurtful that comment was and we ended up not talking for a few weeks. She later told me she was very sorry, that she had reflected on what I had said and told me she was wrong and would support me and my decision. I'm sorry you are having such a tough time medically as well as emotionally. I agree with a lot of the other posts. You need to take care of you first and do whatever you feel will make you 100% both emotional and physically and if that means living on you own then go for it. I also hope that if you make this decision that your sister understands and doesn't make it harder on you and that hopefully your relationship will get better with some time. Hang in there, I hope you get some answers at the hospital and that it isn't anything to serious :-) P.S. The wonderful and super supportive people here on OH are a tremendous support to me, I hope you feel the same :-)

I think we've come to that point were we both agree living apart will be the best and we are working on it. I think most of the problems we've been having is that i've started to put myself first and doing what i want. She's not used to that and now she thinks that i'm being a ***** once she realizes she can't have it her way all the time. Mind you, i'm 6 yrs younger than her and am the last of 6 kids(all living). Yeah she was a bit spoiled when i came along, lol. 

Thanks for the kind words and good advise.

your sister lost her weight in a very unhealthy way and luckily didn't end up with any other health [problems.  Some people can n ever understand or appreciate what and how having bariatric surgery adds to the lives of an obese person.  truly it shouldn't matter HOW you lost the weight..the fact that you have lost the amount of weight you have should make her proud and happy that you will be healthier, have less health problems and can enjoy your life even more.

So sorry that she is not supportive..since you live together the options are limited on what you can do, but as a 51 yr old woman..who found her inner voice 5 1/2 yrs agoa fter having this surgery..just remember you did this for YOU..no one else, if she chooses to not be proud then simply say to her in a private setting that you can't help how she feels and that you would appreciate if she would keep her opinions to herself especially when around other people.

I remember neigh sayers way back when I had my surgery and truthfully you have to develop a bit tougher skin and say (screw it)..and you people because you haven't gone through it and don't have a clue what it's about and the fact that it isn't easy...and should mind your own darn business and put your efforts into a cause that can use it

HUGS stay strong

Very well said. Thanks a lot for this post. I've learnt to ignore the situation or just change subjects. Sooner or later she'll learn when is her advise is needed or not.

I too struggle with support of my family members, two who have HAD the surgery themselves! The all famous line of 'You're too sensitive' is enough to drive me mad, and a common line emotional abusive people will use. No, we are not too sensitive, our feelings are valid! 

May not be feasible financially, I don't know your situation, but I would highly suggest moving out of there. Its toxic to your well being. She won't change. 

I found for me, what works best, is not talking about anything really personal or important to me with them, which sucks because I would love to be able to go to them both for their knowledge throughout the process, and support, but it only leaves me feeling poorly about myself, so this is what works for me.

Good luck to you!