Vets - they DO know a bit! - Long Post

Just reading a few recent posts had me thinking of my own journey and how I ended up listening to what the "vets" had to say.

I am 3 years and four months post-RNY. I started this journey in November/2009 and had my surgery March/2011. No hoops to go through. It took a long time to get my first orientation, and that was fine. It took a VERY SHORT time to get my surgery after I met the surgeon, and that was fine. It was fine because I came on here, I listened, I posted, I joined support groups. I poured over material before I got to see the surgeon. So when she said on Friday, March 19, 2011, if I could come on Wednesday, March 23, 2011 to have my surgery...I jumped on it. There was an opening, I had a BMI that is considered low in comparison to others (43), thus making her feel confident that four days of Optifast, instead of two weeks, would be ok. I didn't jump through hoops, there wasn't another candidate available, so I was it. And that was fine. Some folks on here were annoyed at my short stint on Opti...and I have to agree. I was pretty darn lucky.

The support I received after my surgery was wonderful. I kept up quite the schedule, and when I posted a question asking if it was ok to try something earlier than what my "manual" says, I got many "NO!" answers from vets, and several "sure, give it a go" from people a few months out. I listened to the vets, because not only are they vets, but they have been on here for years. They have made their own mistakes, and learned from others who have made mistakes as well. Nobody is perfect on here, but I did take advice of someone years out, than someone months out. I might have wanted to ignore the vets, because it wasn't the answer I wanted. Oh, and I DID ignore the vets when I asked if three months out was too soon to try alcohol. Everyone said yes, too early. I ignored that, and drank it anyway, made a fool of myself (causing some disturbing posts on FB months later) and learned my lesson. 

I tried bread and pasta and popcorn early out. My vet friend was shocked when I could finish a small popcorn from the movies at 3 months post-op. Sorry...not that I COULD...that I WOULD! Everyone is different...and popcorn has always been a trigger for me...and being able to get it down was not a good thing...so I stopped that. The vets didn't pat me on the head, they just said, "Now you know to listen." 

Slippery slope....a term I used to hate to hear, because I didn't want to hear it....but I listened to the vets, and heeded their words. I wanted to succeed. I also listened when some of the vets started worrying about re-gain. I swore that would never happen to me. I still struggle with that worry....as most of us do. Anyone under two years might not quite understand that yet (as I didn't), because our bodies are still malabsorbing and we are still able to eat less at that point. I remember sitting across from one vet five years out, as she ate a Big Mac, fries and a Diet Coke. She was struggling, and it wasn't  the "why?" is she doing this (there was a lot going on....things have changed since that low point from her), it was the "how?" Guess what? It IS possible to eat all that, five years out. Because you can train your body to do so. She didn't eat it as fast as a normal person would...but she still managed to fini**** all. She said to me that she didn't listen to the vets....she promptly ignored everything because she stopped caring.

This opened my eyes for me....big time. And watching her change it around, and be able to lose again, also makes me feel better. Because bouncing back from such a low point is possible. With support and going "back to the basics" (ANOTHER phrase said by the vets). What you will not understand for a long time, is your old habits will come back...if you let them in. For some reason, after surgery, I stopped watching TV. I just had no interest. I was out doing things instead. It was part of my honeymoon period. I still don'****ch nearly as much TV as I used to....but a habit of wanting to snack when I watched TV started creeping back into my life. Also eating and reading. I could read for hours and mindlessly eat. And guess what? I can do it again now. And I have....then I took notice and had to pay attention and stop that habit too.

When I had my first dumping eposide, the vets laughed. Because, like an idiot, I ate an Easter Creme Egg (my favourite) followed by a glass of milk at nine months out. The absolute shame and horror in the hours that followed were crazy. I reacted to my ex-husband's move day quite poorly, and sought help through the clinic....something the vets suggested. 

Oh, and i've had an easter creme egg since...and no reaction that time...again the help for some can take quite awhile. I'm one of those people. Something my doctor reminds me of is that I spent a good 25 years making poor choices and getting habitual about things....it's not going to be solved instantly. The surgery felt like a miracle to me for quite some time...and it was a slap in the face (that I expected...because I listened to the vets) when all of a sudden I cared about food again...I could eat more...I wanted to be "normal" again. 

But that's not why we are here, is it? We have to continue with the changes we started making early after surgery. There will be a time when all of a sudden...or quite gradually (everyone IS different after all) you will notice old habits creeping back in. Maybe lots, maybe just one. But it happens. Get on top of it and go back to what you learned when  you were first out. 

I hope everyone here is doing well in their journey. THe ups and downs are really crazy. I miss the days of when I was scared because I thought I wouldn't enjoy food again (although, I really RELISHED those days for the most part). Losing the weight is the easy part (even if you don't make it to goal...a number on the scale), maintaining for life is the hard part. Again, i'm quoting and re-quoting so many who have said the same words before me. 

And with that, I will repeat myself here....Listen to the vets. They do know a bit.

Great post Kelly! 

Thank you for sharing this. 

Kim xo

Amen. I have so many people I respect for how they have continued through their journey and how honest they are willing to be with all of us. You may only be just over 3 yrs But I also respect the decisions you have made and your honesty. Keep up the great job

I consider myself a baby vet now. LOL. I don't feel new anymore. I did for the first few years. I feel like i'm finally getting into my groove here. I've been practicing Mindful Eating, which is helping with my "re-programming" of how I eat. 

Amazing post, Kelly!  I haven't been able to be on here a lot lately but really do value the advice and support of yourself and others who are further out than I am.  Thanks so much for sharing!

 

Well said respect your surgery elders lol.

Kelly, I just want to tell you what an incredibly well-written, expressive, meaningful post you made about vets. I'm actually shedding a little tear, both reading it and writing to you. You beautifully said what all caring "vets" would like to say when they get slammed by people for "knowing it all", not remembering what it was like, accused of being impatient or insensitive, or just simply targeted in some way because they are successful.

It hurts. Not just on a personal level to receive negative feedback, but on a level of deep passion and commitment to help others who are where we have been. Who are where we hope not to go again and work hard every day to make sure that doesn't happen. Who we care about because we realize that life carries on, struggles remain, goals are met and re-set, and **** happens. Lots of **** in some cases. Yet still we stay.

Some people question why someone several years out continues to be involved in this community - like we "don't have a life", etc. I assure you, most of us have a very full life. The issue of obesity, and helping others facing the challenges we faced, is important - to us. To me.

I was going to send this via PM instead of posting here. I didn't want this to seem "congratulatory" to me, or any of the other people considered vets. I just felt that you, and everyone else who cares to read, should know how much we really do care. That is why we stay. That is why we post. That is why we tell the truth, the good, the bad, the ugly... and lots of times, in my case, funny :)

Thank you for this. You've touched my heart.

Karen XO

xoxo! You can seem congratulatory all you want honey. You helped me out so much...you still do. I remain on here to pay it forward. I said I would, so here I am. I sometimes post a lot....sometimes I don't. For the most part, I haven't received negative feedback in the past few years. And the negative feedback I have received was always purely uneducated. I took it to heart for a bit, and left the board for awhile...and came back, because it's important to me to be here. 

Cheers to you, and cheers to me!

I'm through TWH and at my 3 month followup which was closer to 5 months the dietician insisted I start trying foods, I even argued with her about everything I had learned from this site and she said she was the expert not the people on the internet, so the next day I tried some carbs and the very next morning my scale said I gained a pound. So I went back to listening to the experts ( the vets) and the scale has not gone in the wrong direction again. Has it been hard yes but I pay attention to what you guys are saying and I'm eating clean, making good habits and appreciating all the knowledge that someone else had to learn before me...... like I will run as far as I can from Easter Creme eggs.  and damn I liked them too

Easter Creme eggs are the devil!!