Family having a0 hard time with my decision

So I told some of my immediate family (mom, dad, sister, aunt ete...) about my choice to have the surgery and they are freaking out!  I knew that they wouldn't be happy so I had waited until after the orientation to tell them.  I am getting all of their worries and anxieties thrown at me. I am trying my best to explain my reasons and information about bypass but it is clear that they are not happy about this choice i'm making.  The worst line is "you haven't tried hard enough at the other ways to live a healthy lifestyle". - I know,gross right?! 

Have any of you had to deal with family who were/are wholeheartedly against your choice to have the surgery? 

I feel your pain I have a handful of family members who do not support my decision or understand it so I have decided to lie to them and tell them I decided not to have the surgery. (I know it's not the greatest decision but I can't have anyone clouding my head and decision) I am having my surgery in less then a month and they still do not know I am having it. I feel that I don't owe them an explanation, it's something I have to do for myself my health and my children. My husband and brother are the only people who know. And later down the road I will share the information with the other family members. One thing you could try is bringing them to some of your appointments so maybe they get some security out of meeting the health care team. 

Goodluck on your journey

Hey Charms,

I thought the same thing about my family. Then when my information package came I decided to tell just my mother and swore her to secrecy.  Finally, my excitement about my decision to have surgery was so overwhelming that I finally told my family members one by one, day by day.  But surprisingly they were quite supportive, of course they still had reservations about the surgery but they were very supportive.  

However, my friends were a different story.  My friends are all of average size and weight and don't have weight issues, but they seem to have a big problem with me being an average size. One friend said that I have body issues because I want to have the surgery.  Funny how I never had body issues before, but the moment I want I decide to have the surgery I have body issues.   

Sometimes when people are unsupportive or negative it's because they're actually afraid, of what in this situation I'm not sure, but don't let their fear become your fear.

Maybe you can sit and talk with them and find out what their real objections are.  

Good Luck!!!

Lyn

Your friends are right - you do have body issues. You take issue with the fact that your body is obese and unhealthy. ;)

While my parents were outwardly generally supportive of my decision (I still got comments about the dangers, how walking would help, etc etc)( and my son was 14 so he accepted the fact that mom was having surgery and I explained what it was essential for him to know, not every detail), I knew that they were deeply concerned. The best thing I did was to take my mother with me to a surgeon's appointment. She had the opportunity to meet him, ask questions and came out of the appointment in full support of me going forward - hearing it from a doctor eased her fears. Laying eyes on the man I was letting cut me and rearrange my guts set her mind at ease that I was in excellent hands.

Their reservations were based on fear - easing that went a long way to gaining support for my decision.

My family was nervous and apprehensive but that was mainly from lack of knowledge. My Mom thought I should try harder on my own but ultimately they support me in all of my decisions. NOW, though, my Mom will cry with happiness when she sees me. I'm 7 months post-op, down 100 lbs and my Mom is the biggest WLS advocate. LOL  She now says she is glad I had the surgery and it was the best decision I could have made for myself.

I hope your family comes around (even if it post-surgery) and supports you in your decision, too.

Thanks so much for your encouragement!  I am still getting flack for my choice. The hardest thing to hear is the whole "if you can't change on your own then you won't do it with Bypass". Like one of you said, I can't allow their fears become my fears. Change is hard and having family and friends try and influence our choices instead of support them is frustrating.  

Thank goodness for this forum! I really appreciate all of your responses! 

Definitely not true! My efforts to "change on my own" got me to 336 lbs - dieting alone just doesn't work for the vast majority of people (like, 95%). I've been maintaining 175-180 lbs for the past 9 or 10 months now.

I decided to not tell certain people because I didn't want to hear their opinions about my decisions regarding my life. My mom is the worst though. I did tell her and she was not happy..not that she has ever been a great or even a good support for me. Ultimately it is your decision, if you feel that you have tried hard enough..if you feel this is your next step in life..then do it..don't look back! The haters will hate or they will stop hating and jump on board with you for your new journey. You will decide soon who you need and who you don't..if one thing this journey has taught me is who was really there for me and who was just there! Good luck on your journey! :) 

I totally feel you Charms. My mother would try to talk me out of it. she has a fear of going under the knife and certainly do not want it for me. I will eventually let her now, but not now.

Hope the best for you.