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Hi just want to no if anybody as have the same problem I am a husband of a wonderful wife of 16years who had the surgery back in 2012 and has had a few more surgery and I took time of work to look after her now she as lost a lot of weight over 145lb and look amazing and now as decided she wants to get a divorce now after 5 kids and 16years now I don't want to but don't no what do do about as I don't want one.

That's too bad that she wants to leave. I know that during the process they mentioned several times that this is something that a lot of couples go through after they loose the weight.  I know a friend of mine who had the surgery two years ago, left her husband but she also told me that even before she had the surgery, she just waited until she got the surgery before leaving.  I personally have been looking at it differently for me I feel that my husband has been here through thick and I'm sure he'll be here through thin as well, so why would I leave someone who's been there even when I didn't look my best. But having said that everyone is different and something must have made her unhappy, try asking her if you guys could try to work on it.  I wish you the best and good luck.  

I am so sorry to read this. The divorce rate is very high with this surgery. You need to sit down with her and ask her why and maybe seek some help to work things out.  

I am sorry to hear that. Maybe she feels she's become a different person now because of all her tranformations. But I really hope she can appreciate the last 16 yrs and you being there for her. I hope you can work it out, all the best!

To be honest, I can't tell you how to fix your marriage.  I separated from my husband just over a year ago.  He had made a lot of choices in his life, and I could no longer live with those choices.  He was not willing to put any work into keeping the marriage going.

If you haven't discussed why whe wants to leave, then you should do so, so you both understand why this change is happening.  If you are not able to do it alone, go to a marriage counselor together, there is no shame in it. A counselor may or may not be able to help you work through the issues you are going through. Even if the counselor isn't able to help keep your marriage together, they an help you with the issues that you will run into with your children during the separation.  Help you to help them understand what is happening and how it will affect them.

I wish you luck through your process.

Cathy

thank you for some answers in my question I have asked to work and ask to see a marriage counselling and she say no to counselling because see doesn't need one that it is over even though sometimes she having fun with me and talking like noting change all good then the next minute you are out I was thinking maybe her chemical in balance is off because she as fibromyalgia and was on a lot of med. now with the wright loss her body changes she does thing that are not her.

Think you and good luck

You know, you've just shed a little light into what might be going on. Aside from the emotional mind f**k having surgery can play, the fact that she has been on several meds in the past and "doesn't seem herself" may in fact be a valid reason for her recent decisions. Good for you for asking her to attend counselling. I am very sorry to hear that she is refusing at this point. I am wondering if you could perhaps ask her if she would be willing to go with you to ensure the marriage is ending amicably - I know this is not what you want, but it would open the conversation for the both of you, hopefully.  Just a thought.

K.

I agree with Karen M above.  You did bring out a very important component in the fact that she was on a lot of meds.  Has she been able to get off of them since surgery?  You don't say what they are for and you don't have to.  But, think about what Karen M said about leaving things on amicable grounds.  Possible, in the not so distant future, she might get to a doctor and find her meds played a part in this and maybe she will want to come back.  WAIT - I am not trying to instill false hope on you!!!  but keeping things on friendly terms even tho it is tearing you up inside is always better.  And, physiologically, maybe the surgery is a component in her leaving.

You never know what the future holds.  But, if there are other things at play here that have nothing to do with surgery, you need to delve into that as well.  I don't really think her surgery could be the whole thing.  Good luck on it all.

By the way, kudos to YOU for coming here to ask for help.