NEWBIE HERE- 1st post. Looking for support and current wait times Toronto

Hi There, 

I have been reading this site for some time, well before I ever imagined I would be forgoing gastric bypass. I have always suffered my weight issues in silence, and alone, and that is how I did find Obesity Helps years ago.

 I realized with my up and coming orientation date set, that since I really do not have much support, and because I do feel we all would require support through this process, I decided I would join the site, and hopefully make some good friends who get me' along the way.

 My family is full of obese women. I have always been the smallest in that group. I think this accounted for me living with my size and feeling somewhat OK, and definitely not fat. No way, not me. I have lived for so long in denial, while never even being able to complete simple everyday joys, like walking half a mile throughout a park, giving my dog the exercise she deserves, and standing for anything more than 15 minutes. I became used to my size, my body, I had almost even accepted it. I never felt ugly, or fat. It was only until this year, at 34, after having gone through a painful heartbreak, that I realized just how severe my weight problem is, and how depressed, and shameful I was about it. How much I hide this from everyone.

 Anyway, I won't ramble on. I am hoping along with the support here, that I can also get some updated info on current wait times? My doctor sent on a referral for me on APRIL 9TH 2014, I received a letter for my orientation on JULY 23RD 2014 at Toronto Western (I am going to call tomorrow and inquire about cancellations) and hopefully move this date up. Can someone provide any current insight on how long it will take to get to my surgery date? I do not have any comorbidities, other than high blood pressure and being physically strained to complete simple functions. I am always tired, drained, unhappy, sore, you know how it is. I still carry on, with a smile on my face, and act as though all is great.

I should have the support I need within my own family, seeing as two of my immeidate family members (mother and sister) have had the surgery just over a year ago. And hey, yeah maybe that opened up my eyes more and saying to myself 'you don't have to live like this' but unfortunately I do not have that support.  My family being as large as they are, think I do not need it.  They make me feel ashamed for even having asked for the referral. I have weighed 220lbs and up for the past ten years. Obesity, heart diseases, cancer, sleep apnea, all run very high in my family. My mother almost passed away after two majour heart attacks in 2012. My sister at her highest weight was 360lbs, my mother at her highest around 300. They both now look amazing, it brings tears to my eyes. They support one and other, and here I am, keeping it to myself so that I am not criticized for my decision to move forward with it.

 Truth is, I am so tired of being fat. I'm tired of nothing having worked for me. I am tired of hiding in my house. Of not enjoying my life. Of feeling sore, sick, and drained, Of feeling secretly ashamed. Of not experiencing the love I deserve. of having no one to lean on. of hating summer. Of being ashamed to eat in front of others. Of wearing spanxs so tight I can barely breath. Of failing, and of pretending as though I have it all together... I don't want to live my life this way.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this lengthy first post!

REFERRAL SENT- APRIL 9TH 2014 - ORIENTATION DATE TORONTO WESTERN- JULY 23RD 2014 -