How would you reply?

In 2002, I got a lapband. I researched it, read as much as I could on boards like these and had the procedure with a reputable surgeon who was an expert in laproscopic surgery. In 2011, years of slippage and nearly daily vomiting, I had my band removed. I had lost 100+ pounds and since then have gained 80 back.

Now I'm looking at having the RNY. I haven't told anyone except my husband. Frankly, I don't want to deal with the reaction from the rest of the family. They were worried about me with the band. I can only imagine what they'll be like when I tell them about this.

Even if I tell them about how RNY has a great track record, and all the statistics about the benefits, I know they'll be thinking "That's what you said the last time."

For any of you who have had a second WLS, how did you deal with the doubters and the people who were genuinely afraid for you?

you have to choose who you tell. I know my mom is all over it and she would carry me to the hospital today if she could. My husband is hesitant, he tells me I can do it myself but he doesn't know how miserable I am. Once it's all set to go, he will support me, I know this. The rest of people who might have opinions,  I don't really care about :) If they support me - great, if they don't - shove it :)

my husband wasn't supportive at first but then again he has never had a weight issue nor did he gain almost 160 lbs during 20 years of marriage, after I had the surgery and the weight came off...he mad ethe comment "I guess the surgery is what you needed".

(and I agree with the So_Jaded)!!!  if they don't like it tough..it's your body your choice...and luckily we have that choice

Quite frankly, you need to resolve yourself not to care about what anyone else thinks.  You can take the time to explain it, but people have biases and they may never fully understand your journey.  You resolve that you are doing this for you, and that people need to support or basically keep their opinions to themselves.  Many people opt to tell about their surgery AFTER they've had it (less people will try to talk you out of it if they don't know) but it is your choice.  Just be prepared regardless for non supporters.

Despite having two relatives have surgery, my parents were not thrilled. Hubby was cautious but supportive.  At a year out, my parents said it was the best thing I've done for me.  They were worried and I get that. 

Make sure you have a support group in place though - that's important...whether a spouse or friend - use your support group and make connections. This journey is hard too long term.

Dawn

Hi Betony,

I too had a lapband, with initial success. I was one of those people that thought bypass was WAY too risky and always said I would never have it done.

I had my lapband removed and was bypassed In November 2013. Shoulda done it sooner, I feel amazing and have left 50 pounds in the dust already, size 18 pants are getting too loose.

When I was banded I told everyone about it, then felt as if people were always watching to see if I succeeded or failed, felt yukky really. As if we aren't hard enough on ourselves, to have others doing the same was horrible.

I chose to only tell my partner, my immediate family and one close friend about my bypass. i'm happy I went this route, it's really nobody's business. When people ask me now what I am doing because "you look great" I just say I'm moving more and watching what goes in my mouth....which is true.

We all have to travel this path the way that suits us, do what you know is right for you and walk proud!

PS.....funny that the bypass risks scared the **** out of me yet when Dr. Hagen was removing my lapband it had adhered to my liver and had to be sliced off, resulting in bleeding and a drain post op for a few days, go figure!

Good luck

Terri

I absolutely agree with Dawn. This isn't about them - it's about you and your health. 

I had the lap band in 2006, and suffered as you did. I had the lap band removed and had the RNY done on Jan 15 of this year. I chose to advise my family and friends that I was having the surgery, not ask for their opinions or blessing, and then support them through their own journey of acceptance. Only one brother and sister are not supporters of the surgery, but it hasn't changed our relationship. 

My husband is still worrying about complications, and I just do all that I can to recognize and be sensitive about what he is going through. 

Ultimately I did this to be able to live longer and to spend more time with all of them.

Good luck with your decision.

Susan 

I understand your feelings. This would be my first WLS I have told my inner circle of friends and family and they have been very supportive from the time I told them that I wanted to do this and on. Yesterday was my first negative comment and it was actually two women ganging up on me trying to tell me I haven't tried hard enough in the past and this was an easy fix im just lazy. I have known this person for 12 years and she has seen my weight loss struggles. I was so embarrassed and she did it right in the middle of my ceramics class which a lady eavesdropping had to put her two cents in as well I was mortified humiliated and just wanted to find a corner and die. I don't plan on going back to the ceramics class for a while I can paint anywhere. but I came to the realization that she is a b$%#@ and I don't need her support I see her 4-5 times a year so F*&% her she isent going to get in my way I know what I have done to try to loose weight in the past. So in the end you will get negative comments/feedback but don't let some A%^ ruin it for you, you know in your heart that you have made attempt and go for it

sorry for the mini rant but I hate people who try to get people down

Wow! Thanks such much for your responses everyone. You're all right - I need to concentrate on what's best for me. And I'm so glad to hear from others who had a band and have or are considering another WLS. For the longest time I thought I had failed with the band, just like every other attempt to lose weight. Now I know it wasn't all my fault.

Thanks again for sharing your stories and advice!

PS Natyrie, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Why are some people so rude?!!!

I came to the conclusion last night people and mean and get others down so they will feel better about themselves so if they are pointing their finger at you no one will be looking at them 

I have the following plaque on my wall and I study it daily. Seems appropriate for you right now....especially #2 & #6

7 CARDINAL RULES IN LIFE

1)Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present

2)What others think of you is none of YOUR business

3)Time heals almost everything, give it time

4)Don't compare your life to others and don't judge them. You have no idea what their journey is all about

5)Stop thinking too much. It's alright not to know the answers. They will come to you when you least expect it.

6)No one is in charge of your happiness, except you

7)Smile. You don't own all the problems in the world.

Good luck in your journey