First hello to all my fellow OHers and I want to wish you a very happy new year's !       Been busy lately so been awhile since I have been on the site.      Back to work for several weeks now and things are progressing well medically for me.   I am down to likely the last couple of weeks for needing a nurse to pack my wound from the surgery infection.  Yeah!  Hopefully I can get back in the hot tub and go swimming as well soon too.    

My referral to London has also progressed.   Met the specialist and they will do the ablation on my heart. Likely be 3 months or so before I get called. 

Kids and I are working on booking a trip south in February.  I am so friggin cold these days. I cannot wait for some heat to permeate my body.   Lol

My separation from husband is getting easier each day, coming to peace over it,  and expect to finalize our separation agreement over next month or so.  We have managed to remain amicable which has helped negotiations.  Extra good since his family is my family and we had to spend 4 days together over Xmas.   Made it easier on our kids and the balance of the family.  

I am almost 10 months post op and I have lost 155 pounds and am where I want to ultimately be but am working on dropping another 5 to 10 pounds to account for the bounce back that everyone talks about as you level off.  

So all in all....things are looking up and my new year is starting off right right 

Sooo I got asked out on my first date this past weekend.  Shockers!  I think I was so surprised that he caught me off guard and I actually accepted.  I haven't dated in over 30 years so you can imagine my trepidation over meeting someone tomorrow for coffee.  He asked for dinner but I suggested coffee first.   I am not ready for a serious relationship, at this stage, but as my friends have suggested, you got to start getting out there and meeting people.   So I am going for it.  Lol. Could be both my first and last date in 30 years depending on how it goes.  

So here is a question for people who have been there before me - dating after WLS!   Do you tell your dates that you have had WLS? And if so, when?  First date?  Second date? Third?   I personally think that is likely too much info to reveal at first date.   Keep it light is my planned approach on everything.  But, assuming, there is more than one date, when do you mention it?   Or do you need to mention it at all ?  Is it deceptive to not mention it?   

Boy, at, I never thought these types of questions I would have to deal with since I started this journey as a married woman.  However life has a funny way of taking you down paths you don't anticipate.  So I am here looking for advice and experience on dating after WLS.

dar

So glad you are feeling better and that the new year is starting off on the right foot! Congrats on getting asked out on a date - even if nothing comes of it, it's still nice to know someone wants to get to know you better and thinks you're attractive ;) I can't imagine how strange it must be, after being married for 30 years, but it sounds like you are on an exciting new path in life and hopefully you'll be happy and satisfied with all it brings!

I'll be really interested to hear the replies to this thread. I'll be 31 in February and have never really dated, just hid behind my weight and tried to blend in to the walls. But I am hoping that the more weight I lose, I might become less invisible and maybe someone might ask me out too. So all your questions are the same questions I have. I feel like if we go out to eat the other person is going to notice that I don't eat too much and might comment, and it would feel deceptive to not tell them... But is it really necessary to tell them? Should you wait an amount of time before saying anything? 

The whole idea of dating scares the pants off me but at the same time it's something I can't wait to start doing. 

I just wanted to say congrats on the date!  :) 

I have seen some people post about these things...and one thing I've noticed is that some say it on the first date and find that is off putting.  I'm not thinking it really has anything to do with the surgery itself necessarily...who knows? Maybe they talked too much about it (we get a bit obsessed with surgery, don't we?) or it was too personal. 

I think it's a thing to definitely share but I don't think you have to share everything on the first date that way either.  I think after a few dates that's where it's probably a more comfortable time to mention it. 

I'm interested to hear your responses...it's one of those things that is always a personal decision - to tell or not to tell :)

Take care and congrats! Hope the date is enjoyable!

Dawn

Congrats on the date. I'd not say anything too soon if ever.  Would you meet a complete stranger for the first time and just tell them?  There is nothing that can happen on a first date that he'd need to know you have had surgery.  If you eat in a restaurant, you know what to order and if he comments, you say I am a light eater.  Lots of non-surgery people don't eat much at all. I would wait until you see if it's even going anywhere and then decide if you want to share.  I know that Karen said she never told her bf and she was sure he knew since she had excess skin but anyone who even lost a lot of weight without surgery will have excess skin.  It's entirely up to you who you tell and when you tell.  Not sure if the whole world already knows you had surgery since many do shout it from the rooftops so if that's the case then it's just another person.  If you kept it pretty hush hush then I'd continue to keep it quiet.  You can easily bring up that you recently lost a lot of weight and that you are now exercising more, eating less, etc then it's an ice breaker at least.  Once that happens you can choose to share more or keep it to yourself.  Even if you get intimate, it's scars that are easily brushed off as any lap surgery so no need to discuss and most men won't notice anyway since they want the goods more than they care about some scars.

I have no dating advice, but I just wanted to say....

WOO HOO!! You go girl!! Congrats!

Go, have fun and just relax! You deserve a little fun!

Good Luck!

Katie

How exciting!! I certainly wouldn't tell him about your WLS - to me it's no different then telling him about the latest diet you've been on  -- you wouldn't.

As far as going out for dinner, many women eat minimally to appear delicate or because they're nervous, and then go home and snarfal everything down (or was that just me).

Go ... have coffee ... have fun, and enjoy the thrill of a first date.  He'll probably be just as nervous as you.

To a more important topic.....so......what are you gonna wear

Well since it will be right after work I will be wearing what I wear to work.  However I choose my really soft purple sweater dress.  And yes it did take me some time to narrow down what to wear.  Seems silly since it is only coffee. Lol

Glad your wound is healing and things are progressing in your health. You have had a bad year.

It is so exciting to meet someone new. I think you will know when or if you want to tell him if the relationship continues. Have fun

hi Dar. I saw this post trending on the home page so wanted to mention there is a singles board on OH that you may want to post to or just read some of the post. 

Here's  link not sure if it will like as I'm on my phone. http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/wls_singles/. 

Thanks. I will check it out.  Didn't know there was one for singles.