Pre-op up and down and up again

 Once again I find myself in needing of a vent session.

Last month this time I found myself down 20lbs since April in trying to prepare myself for life after WLS. I was feeling good, on top of the world even, as some might say, for contributions to a better and healthier me! Now….allow me to fast forward to today…I’m back up in weight but don’t know exactly how much because I haven’t hit the scale yet (too afraid)….I already know what its going to say, I can feel it in my cloths. I’m trying to stay positive but it’s hard not to think about how successful I will be after the honeymoon phase post-op.  OK….there it is, it’s out there, phew!!!….Now, allow me to indulge on some of the positive things I have noticed even with my recent weight gain.

1. I’m not guilt ridden by this set back as I would have been before having read all your (OH) advice on guilt
2. I know based on my cloths that I haven’t gained the full 20lbs back (that would be crazy if I did, in one month)
3. I’m still making better choices over all
4. I’m still on the band wagon at best of times

Moving forward, I know I need to work on the following:

1. How to balance the only way I know how to lose weight (extreme carb free and sugar free dieting) while maintaining some kind of happiness and satisfaction
2. Journaling everyday
3. How to use fitness pal and my new Samsung galaxy S4 (it’s a bloody turbo machine I tell ya)
4. Exercising at least 30min/3x a week even though I never seem to have the energy or drive (Ugh, can’t wait until its easier to exercise)
5. Taking vitamins on the regular and not just when I think of it

Lastly, I have a question/concern. I have been signed off in Ottawa on all tests and appointments since Aug 6^th. I’m now waiting for my file to get reviewed by (Physician coordinator) to be referred to the Pre-op Education class. To my knowledge, this is one step in the process that I cannot call and ask where I am in the process or if any cancelations exist (so I have been told by Tanya at the front desk as of yesterday)…sigh. So…once again I wait….wait and continue to wait some more. But, this is not really my concern, my concern is as follows; I have plans to go to England for Christmas to spend it with my brother for our first Christmas since our mother died December 27^th, 2012, it’s been a hard year on us both and secondly I haven’t spent Christmas with my brother (only sibling) in over 15 years. In my mind, I feel it’s the only way I will survive the holidays and the anniversary of my mother’s death, is by being with him. As you can imagine, I’m concerned about the timing, I really want to have this surgery before I go, mostly so I might have a fighting chance at fitting into those damn airline seats. Last time I flew I weighed 220lbs and found things snug,…..now I’m 270ish (I think)….and on the flip side, if surgery happens closer to the holidays then I may not be able to go at all.

Ps. Tanya also told me that their on skeleton staff at the clinic and mostly likely my file won’t be moving until September…but I see people on here and other local support groups attending these educational classes this month and up to mid September who have been signed off relatively in the same time frame as me, one even after me.

Any thoughts on this or advice?

I totally hear you on the down and up weight being pre-op. Unless I am doing lean protein and leafy green veg as my diet, my weight just goes up and down five pounds with my water intake. But living on a high protein low carb diet is rough. It gets me results, but they've never been sustainable. My whole reason for surgery is that it physically forces me to do high protein low carb, and less food in general. I've felt like I've been in limbo all summer, wanting desperately to lose weight but being unable to stop the yoyoing.
I think the points you listed are exactly what you need to focus on (and me too) It seems to be that these things can work, help us make changes pre-op and prepare us for life post-op. So just keep remembering not to get discouraged, and go back to that list
As for your Christmas conundrum, I would just plan on going to England. Worst case you have to cancel - hopefully you could get a credit for the plane tickets and go when your post-op eating is established and you're all healed up. But I think if you cancel, banking on having surgery around that time, if it doesn't happen it would be very difficult as obviously you really want to be with your brother at that time of year. That's what I would do anyway, just carry on with plans and if they have to change so be it! I'm sorry about the loss of your Mom, I can only imagine how tough the first Christmas without her will be To have family support at such a difficult time would certainly help, especially since you've not been able to see your brother at Christmas in so long. And start back at eating healthy proteins and lots of nice fresh veggies, limiting carb intake. Keep at your exercise goals. Get lots of water in, and your vitamins. Hopefully if you just keep plugging away you can lose that weight that's crept back on. You may not be able to get down to the 220 you were last time you flew but if you don't have the surgery before you go, every pound you lose will help make the flight more comfortable! But fingers crossed you will get a surgery date before Christmas, in time to be able to fly over and spend the holidays with your brother.
As for the last question I'm not through Ottawa so I've got no answers unfortunately... It must be so frustrating having to just sit and wait for the phone to ring, and being told there's no way of knowing where your file is in the review process. I don't know how well my patience will hold up when I get to that stage!!
Good luck with everything, and I hope you get that call soon. Just keep at it, day by day

Thanks for your kind words of  understanding! Surely our time will come soon:-)