Feeling blue about WLS

Wow, I was composing this exact post in my mind and then I read To New Beginnings' post and there it was.

I don't think I've ever looked at the failed WLS forum.  Not because there's anything wrong with it, but because I just don't need it right now and didn't before surgery either.  If I ever need it, I'll go there, but I agree with the advice to stay out of there if you're pre-op - it will just demotivate you and convince you that you're going to fail too.

My heart hurt reading the opening post because that's exactly how I felt before surgery too.  The summer of 2012 was miserable for me.  I was hopeful that I was going to have surgery in the summer, but by around this time last year, I realized I probably wasn't going to have surgery until at least the fall, and it was depressing to think of another summer of exhaustion and heat and ugly clothes.  And the way I talked to myself was exactly the same too - felt horrible about myself.

I'd say to stop the negative self-talk, but I've been there and I know it's hard to stop when you're feeling so miserable and out of control with the eating and waiting forever for surgery.  I guess what I can say is - it gets better, much better.  And there's no reason why you should fail at surgery any more than any of the rest of us.  We all failed at previous diets too - that's why we had surgery. 

I'm not a vet yet, so I have no idea whether I'll keep off the weight I'm losing.  But I'm feeling pretty confident that I will, and I sure didn't feel any confidence at all in myself before surgery.  Good luck, and I hope you get your surgery date soon.

I also found support groups very important. You can start going now. Be around people who are positive. Also I am now at 15 months asking for help from my centre for a therapist. You can start the therapy now to help you love yourself more.

Good luck

Hi Lee,

You are not the first, nor will you be the last person to feel like this.  Before I decided to do the surgery, I felt like the ever growing Blob.  Didn't like my pictures taken, let alone looking at the ones that were taken of me.  My idea of shopping was to find something that fit, or was extra lose (I still have a problem with that, but just means my next shopping trip should be with someone other than my mom).  There were a lot of things I didn't want to try because I was afraid of being too heavy.  The looks never bothered me, didn't really care, but the comments would hurt.  We'd go camping (we have a tent trailer) and I was laying in a bed with my son one day and heard a crack.  The bracket that holds the bed went through the first layer of plywood.  (Reason was that it was the wrong size bracket to start with, but I still didn't like the feeling and didn't trust myself at the edge of the bed any more, I stayed closer to the trailer part after that).

I too had doubts as to how I would be able to keep on program.  But to me, I couldn't keep living and gaining the way I was.  It was finally time for me to do something "drastic" to get my life on track.  The first time I went to see my GP, she wasn't overly supportive, so I went and got a referral to the clinic *****ferred me to the surgeon.  A year and a half later, jumping through all the hoops and doing the hurry up and wait routine, I had surgery.  I am now almost 2 years out.  I have lost about 140 lbs from my highest weight (not shown on the ticker), and have been there for about a year.  I haven't had any problems, and have no regrets about having surgery, with the exception that I waited so long.

I had tried WW and Herbal Magic, and pills etc, and nothing worked overly well.  One of the things that I have now, that I didn't before is that I have had real support.  I have friends at work that had this done, and I have friends here.  And there is all the support we can get from our clinics, only a phone call away.

As for some of the other benefits, I have 2 kids that play hockey (8 & 5), and I can chase them on the ice and outlast both of them.  I can play ball, and run around with them more then ever.  The other day I had a bet with my 8 year old about getting stuck on the slide.  He said I would, I won the bet.  My goal this year is to become at least an on-ice helper and possibly an assistant coach for at least one of my son's hockey teams (whether they like it or not) and will be taking courses this summer to do so.  I'll also be taking my First Aid and Trainer course as well.  These are things I couldn't imagine doing 2 1/2 years ago.

A lot of things have changed in my life, all for the better.  You may not be able to imagine it now for yourself, but if you believe in yourself as much as we believe in you, you'll rock this tool and make lasting memories with you and your kid(s).

Cathy

I wanted to say thank you for posting I can relate. I am seven months out and still have issues with finding what to wear and how it fits and when I look in the mirrow I still see the overweight me. I am 34 and I am battling with myself I stil have some weight to come off but its hard to match up what is reality and what you see in the mirror these are things that are going to be a battle after surgery. The mind is kind of slow. I was a person who didnt go to the malls because I always felt people where watching the fat girl walking and staring at me. honestly no one cared and if they seen me they looked and then looked away. I didnt go shopping because shopping for clothes was hard since I couldnt fit in to regular clothes. I didnt want to walk on the beach or go for a walk with hubby because people would judge me. I think and only speaking of myself we are to damn hard on our selves and we keep judging ourselves. you have made a good choice to seek help in WLS you are on the begining of your journey you want to change and are making steps to change it. thats all that matters. if we are obese or smaller we always dont like something . Like me I was 277 and now 178 and I got no but and my legs are saggy but thats a choice I made when I decided to have WLS and this is a result of it. Do i like it nope does my husband. He says no matter what you look like Im in love with you from your sould and your heart even with a saggy butt and we laugh about it. life is hard as an obese person pysically mentally and emotional. but we can all do it and yes we will fall off the wagon but we have each other to support one another to say hey get back up on that horse and put those big girl panties up and start again. You can rock this . You already rock with your openess an honesty. Beauty is within not on the other.

We all go through rough spots.  It's tough to wait for something like this.  Doubts and fears creep in.  You are likely at the breaking point- we all get there before we seek out surgery.  It's hard.  We all get it. We've all been there or ARE there.   Have your moment, then pull up you big girl knickers and make up your mind to kill this thing once and forever.  You can do this!! 

I think you should go back and read your blog post from January 2013, and feel the strength and confidence you were feeling then.  Read it and read it again, until you believe it.  You are responsible for your own life and the decisions you make (like you said), and so don't be responsible for digging yourself an even bigger emotional hole.  Love yourself enough to allow this surgery to work for you.  You are worth it.  AND....BTW (speaking as a completely objective stranger)...even at 250 pounds or whatever weight you're currently at...you are absolutely gorgeous!  (I looked at your pics.) 

Hey darlin!

 

I haven't had surgery yet but I think that maybe you need some help with your emotions. Like a therapist or psychologist? Maybe to get working on your worries and fears and start heading them off at the pass so that when you do have surgery you're beginning to heal both mentally and physically. So that as challenges come up you have some tools to help you, figure out why you eat and why etc. Start taking care of all your health so that when WLS comes along you will kick it in the butt and be as successful as you want to be.

 

My 2 cents:)

Kay

HI,

I am patiently waiting for surgery as well. I didn't think I could get it before summer so i am ready to cope with it this summer...just like all the summers before....Not really happy about it though.  I understand the feeling of wanting to do things so badly and not being able to do them.  

I question whether I can do this every other day...it is like a bit of a roller coaster.  I am so afraid of not succeeding after surgery or having complications......emotionally and/or physically.  I do have some good supports and try to use them.  I am like you though....I question whether I will I be able to make this journey.  It is good to know I am not the only one thinking this and to hear the supportive words others have put down in response.  Thanks for your discussion topic and having the courage to voice the issue...it has been helpful. 

thanks, Sue

To all you beautiful ladies out there who took the time to read my post and to respond so open heartedly has warmed my heart. I'm amazed at how good this forum is for the mind, body and soul.

Marnyb *** I did go back and read January's post and it brought me right back to how I was feeling at that time and it wasn't that long ago either. Thank you for the trip down memory lane. I am capable of this!!! Thank you also for the lovely compliment about my pics. My brown cheeks are blushing:-)

Big sista Hugz to you all and wishing you all continued success with your journey's, I hope some day to return the support you have given to me.

 

Lee-Ann

 

Do me a favor copy and print your post and tuck it away and after your surgery and you have been out for a few years and you start to cheat bring this it out and remember how you were feeling and say to yourself I never want to feel like that again and walk away from that food that is calling you. I can remember camping when I was heavy and you are right it is no fun but girl there will be a day you will look forward to camping. I promise. Keep your chin up

 

I can't add anything useful to what's been said (you all did very well at bolstering our friend, ladies!) but I can say this:

Looking at me now (at 140 lbs and looking better than any other time in the past 25 years) you would never know that I started out at 270 lbs. And that I hated myself every minute of every day, while professing to love myself.

You would never know. You'd see me on the subway and think "Cute top. I envy her that body." and you would never know.

NOW ... can you imagine that for yourself? Well, stop dreaming, because that's exactly what's going to happen!!!

One year from now, remember this day, and post how you feel, because I guarantee - it'll be a difference of night and day. Guaranteed.