My Journey So Far at 6 Years Out (Extremely Long and Wordy)

 You're doing very well on your journey.
All the best for continued success

Thanks for the kind response

Dawn

 Bravo Dawn. I know it wasn't easy for you to post this but it is "real" not sugar coated and just what people need to hear. You are an inspiration to others with your honesty. You are always there for others and it's important you know that we are there for you too. Sending positive thoughts your way.....

Sincerely, Sheri

 Gorgeous photo!   You're a very lovely lady!

Im nothing if not honest.  LOl

I appreciate the well wishes!  All the best to you as well

Dawn

I have read your on line journal from before your surgery till you reached goal and it has given me a realistic idea of what to expect for when my journey begins.  I will probably re read it days leading up to my surgery and the days after and it has inspired me to do the same so that when I look back I to can be proud of what I have accomplished ....hoping here that I will be just as successful.  So thank you and I will be taking you and everyone with me when I go ...all your stories good and bad.  And thank you for everything you have done for the WLS community it has helped me to better understand that is is a choice to live, be healthy,and  lead a happier life.  My life is pretty good now but will be better after WLS. I know it is going to be a lot of work and everyday won't be all sunshine and purple puddles. But  I think I am ready or as ready I can be ...I have done the research, finished my appointments and am just waiting ...Oh and you new pic is great 
Jenn       

 Thanks for the kind words.  Hubby asks me every year if we need to renew the site (we pay to host the site). I always tell him as long as it continues to help others , I'll continue to keep it up.  

Much appreciated that you took the time to respond to my post.  All the best for you for an amazing journey!

Dawn

Dawn, hugs to you for your honesty and openess.

I can relate to alot of what you have gone through even though I am only 7 months out and I appreciate your willingness to share your ups and downs. It is easy to find those who are on the high right out of surgery but harder to find those willing to really tell us how it is a year out, 6 years out.

I applaud your determination and hope I can be as strong to continue to refocus and be accountable to myself.

I really relate to your fat head and the self loathing and the way you are so hard on yourself. I am like that too.

Many years ago I did an out patient eating disorders program at Toronto General - it was considered the be all and end all for programs at the time. Like your program they mixed all kinds of disordered eating in one group. We ate all our meals together and my eating disorder got worse instead of better.  We were forced to clean our plate and to have dessert every day and I mean a 750 calorie piece of cake and pies and chips, etc.

We all had to eat the same things and the same amounts. I had to eat things even if I didn't like it and or thought I was full.  I would sit and cry at the table and no one could leave if I didn't clean my plate. Weigh in was horrible. The anorexics were scared of me because I was what they thought they looked like.  Binge eating was just becoming recognized as an eating disorder and not really addressed.  I spoke to the leaders expressing my concerns but the program stayed as it was for years.

I felt very alone and although the talk therapy was useful and I did learn to eat three meals a day and a snack I felt like a huge failure. I knew this was wrong for my kind of eating disorders - I had periods of very low calorie intake and then bingeing. I overexercised and would eat 300 calories a day for weeks and then binge on chicken and fruit.

I can see little bits of this previous behaviour slipping back in. If I add carbs back in I gain so I continue to low carb and then have smallish binges of carbs.

I too wasn't really told to limit carbs and until I went onto the VSG boards and saw what long term successful people were doing did I finally realize I couldn't handle most carbs.

You are a beautiful and giving and caring person. The fact that you pull yourself up and start again is a tremendous gift you are giving yourself.

You ARE a success.  I realize that success isn't a straight line down and then across.  It is a hilly course where hopefully the ups are managed and conquered just like in a marathon or bike race.

I wish I knew what to say to help you see what an amazing role model you have been and continue to be. The shame of being obese is very entrenched in our psyche.

Although my parents were never obese, both were addicted to other substances and I know I inherited the addiction gene and just chose food over other substances. Despite the fact my mother's addiction was only a small part of my life and she has been clean for many many years,  the impact on my life was and continues to be huge. How can I expect my addiction to disappear just because the scale shows I am smaller - the addiction is still there and the triggers are still there and the need to soothe with food is still there.

The fact that there is no ongoing support group at the hospitals to address the psychological issues is a huge gap. The fact that you put yourself up and out there regularly is a testiment to your desire to be well.  It is so easy to just hide, go off the boards and live in shame because you feel you are a failure.  It is so much more brave to admit where you are at and seek support.

I attend my mother's birthday celebrations at her support group and marvel at those who have achieved 25 or more years of sobriety. I admit food addiction is a bit different as we can't quit cold turkey and never eat again but I see success as much more  than just a number on the scale, a size on the jeans, a count of how much exercise I have done.  For me it is much more about loving myself and respecting myself the way I do others.  It is continuing to try to not be so hard on myself. Comparisons to others is a trigger that sends me to the fridge as I am never good enough in my eyes. I have no "cures" for any of these issues that haunt me but to know I am not alone is a huge comfort. To say I am not scared of what the future will bring for me in this journey is an understatement.
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Continue to be well Dawn.

We are all human with failings and anyone who says this is not a journey that requires constant vigilence and recommittment is fooling themselves.

Paula

Wow Paula,
I thought that I was wordy. LOL  Great to see that I'm not the only one who can chat and chat.  I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my post and all the kind words that you've shared.    You and I have many things in common indeed and I think that our perserverance is also mutual.

I enjoyed talking with you on the phone and learning about you.  I quickly learned that you are a dream bariatric patient in terms of your reading and research.  I have no doubt that you'll get to where you need to be in your journey.  You've got an arsenal of knowledge and that's so important on this journey!

Talking with the Bariatric Centre here in Windsor - already only after 2 years, they find that people just drop out on follow up rather than come in and discuss their issues.  I try to encourage EVERYONE to take their issues to their social worker. This could very well change the nature of their programming for us and make improvements to the program, and even perhaps requesting more funding for the social work piece.  The centre already sees that they just don't bother to show up anymore.  Windsor even changed their "social work group" meeting for post ops from 9 months to 6 months out because they have noticed people struggling earlier.

As a support group leader, I've had people write and call me already about sex addiction, alcohol addiction, eating disorders etc.  But they are too afraid to reach out to the centre.  I encourage them too - that's how resources get into place.

I also hope that more people (like yourself) who bring to the table so much will continue to post after a year or two out.  We all could use more long timers around here :)

Have a great day
Dawn

Yep, chatty Cathy, that's me.  I find people seem to be more committed when they have to pay for a program.  I went to a group program run by a psychiatrist at his office.  Everyone showed up each week which made for a good group. If I knew a good therapist around me I would suggest he/she try a group.  They would make more money than a one on one session I think?

For all of us who have the surgery, we just didn;t get to the point we needed it, because we just ate alittle too much food and gained a few lbs.  We all have some major issues which lead food to be the solution.  I hope no one thinks just because you lose a 100lbs. in a year that the battle is over.  It's far from over and like most things in life that are good, you have to keep working on it or you will slide.  Your very honest account I hope will assist those thinking of having the surgery to not think its a fast fix.  Cearly it is not and one has to work really hard from now on to keep the weight off and deal with the issues of why we eat.
I sometimes worry when I see some people at 120 lbs. and wonder how will they ever keep to that low weight. 
I think your 10/12 is so much more realistic and what my own personal goal is, something that I think I can work to keep at as the years go on.
Thrilled to have gone from 26 to 18 in 5 months and very aware that I could be facing the challenges you have clearly written about. I am losing now slowly and that's just fine with me, in an not in a rush now especially that 75lbs. are gone and I can do so much better and look so much better.
I just think this surgery gives us a chance to get into a routine the first year, that hopefully keeps us in that routine and not have food be a major part of our being.  I want to be in control and not the food controlling me.
I think you were so smart to go for that counselling, we have to realize we have an addiction with food or we wouldn;t have had to lose over 100lbs.
Good luck to you, your comments will help me constantly think I can never stop for a minute and think my battle is over.

 Sounds like you are very well grounded :/)
I wish you all the best as you make your way throughout your first six years.

 Dawn