OT Your Marriage after WLS??

Thank you so much Jan
You and your hubby sound a lot like us. I can't wait to have my old out going person back.
All the best
Heidi

Hi there - I think this is a common question/concern.  Something I have thought about but for a few different reasons.  Out of the women my husband has dated in his life, I am the only plus size girl.  My husband is also overweight (by about 40lbs) and I think me being a bigger person helps him feel more comfortable with himself.  I worry that he will feel more self-conscious about his body as I shrink.  I also know that for the same reasons our physical connection will likely be better because I will be smaller (too much tmi sorry) so that will be a wonderful bonus aside from the obvious health benefits.  I echo what other peeps have said...have a heart to heart, talk it out and in the end you have to try to believe him and trust in your relationship.  Don't borrow trouble until there is something to be concerned about.
Best to you,
C

Thank you C

Hubby talks about doing modified diets with me along the way and joining the Y with me. Standing beside me. Like I said in an earlier response I think I just needed to hear tht others had the same fear and for some more reassurance from others. Thank you all so much. You guys rock.

Heidi

Hi Heidi,
Just reread my post and I hope I didn't come across too strong with my comment about borrowing trouble. Sometimes things get lost in email tone - just a saying my family always says.  I'm so glad we have the board and so glad that you asked this question. It's something I thought of too but you were brave enough to ask.
Cherill

Echoing everything above with this additional thought:  if you backed out three years ago because you were afraid of losing him, how will you feel if you choose to not get healthy and he's the one that finds you on the kitchen floor one day when he gets home and the heartattack/stroke/diabetes/sleepapnea/embolism/obesity-related cancer finally caught up with you and took you away from him before either of you were ready?

Either road means there is a chance that you will end up without each other, it's just having surgery  with both of you really working together on why that insecurity and anxiety is in your marriage gives you a much better chance for losing each other in a way that can't be fixed.

I'm not married, so maybe I'm just full of crap, but I think the vow "until death do us part" is intended to be more about finding a way to live the longest, most fulfilling lives you can and committing to do that together, as opposed to making choices out of fear that makes the vow seem more like a way to say your marriage is fantastic even of it only lasts a short while, relatively speaking, because for that short while, you did not leave each other.  Limiting your choices, experiences and, in a very real way, your life, seems to be an odd way to demonstrate commitment and love.

My two cents worth...

from my experience SOMETIMES it's the bariatric patient that makes the changes, they have new self esteem and know they look hot...if the marriage isn't rock solid or if there is little or no communication it will be extremely difficult.

If you and your husband have common interests and those interests can be increased after surgery..such as hiking, skating any type of physical activity, then you are on a roll.

iF HE IS SUPPORTIVE of you having the surgery think positively.....as long as he won't be trying to sabotage your success by eating a bag of potato chips or drinking cans and cans of pop in front of you...you will be fine.

Sometimes men feel that now that their wives/SO's are slimmer that they catch the eye of more males and that they are more likely to "leave for a better thing"

..I would have to say after 19 years...you know your husband pretty well, so open communication is the KEY..and if need be don't be embarrassed to go to a couples counselor....

get ready for the many many hugs, because he will love wrapping his arms around you completely!