OT Your Marriage after WLS??

A big part of me is scared what is going to happen with my husbands feelings towards me after the surgery. He and I have a wonderful relationship, we are best friends. He's very supportive of the surgery to help with health issues. We the concern lays is he loves me the size that I am. He loves bigger women, he always has. We have been together for 19 years with me at this weight. I keep asking him if he will love me the same when I'm skinny. He says yes but I'm still afraid he won't. That's the reason I back out of surgery 3 years ago for fear of losing him.
Have any of you felt this? Did your husband or wife leave you after because you were too skinnjy for them. Or am I just crazy for stressing on this?

Heidi

 I believe a strong marriage is a strong marriage.  If it is strong before surgery it should be able to weather any bumps after. 
Since surgery my marriage is still great.  I have more energy and am more pleasant to be around.
Every marriage is different but mine is still the same.

He does joke "you better not get too hot and leave me".  We laugh about it.  

I'm sure many of the vets and others have had good experience and bad.  You just have to have faith that yours is strong.

Char

I keep telling myself that our marriage is strong. It has to be with everything that we have been through together over the years. My husband does joke that I beeter not leave him afterwards. I guess he and I both have our own fears and have to reassure each other that things aren't going to change, but if they do it will be for the best. Thanks so much for the response Char it means a lot.

Heidi

Yes, you're crazy.

No, you're not crazy.

Love is love, and shouldnt be dependent on size or looks. But we are, at the bottom of everything, shallow people.

You might need to delve into things a bit deeper, deeper than he might even think. Some men like larger women because they're not so likely to leave them. Some men find it a turn on (for whatever reason). Ask him to do some soul searching about his motivation for loving you as a "bigger woman".

You need to be a bit selfish in order to have this surgery. You can't have the surgery because it will make someone else happy. You can't back out of it out of fear of losing him. If you have comorbidities now, you're going to lose him sooner than you'd like anyway (through your own death). So, having the surgery will likely result in the two of you being together longer than you would without the surgery.

Unless, that is, that he likes you fat because then you lack the self confidence to beileve you'd be attractive to anyone else.

I hope you resolve this. Counselling will help. Can't hurt.

Monica

MOnica, you're right love is love and it shouldn't matter what we look like.
Like I responded to Char. I think He and I just need to reassure each other we will not change or if so for the better. 
He has told me he just loves me for me. He said that when we first met I was so confident and out going. I know I have changed a lot where I hide myself from the world most of the time because of how I look. I want to be that person that he says I was when we first met. I know I will be again.
You are right I am doing this WLS for a tool so I can live a longer healthier life with my hubby.
Thank you so much Monica for helping to put thing in perspective and making me remember the things hubby has said to me.

All the best
Heidi

Hubby was worried about me "changing" after my surgery and said he loved the fat me and wanted me to stay where I was.

So I took him to our doctor and we had a heart to heart about what was happening to my body.  Being told that I was slowly killing myself due to my weight opened his eyes.

So I took him to the information sessions and meetings with the social worker, nurse, nutritionist and psychologist.

So I took him to meet the surgeon when I went.

So I took him to my counsellor and we chatted about what I was going through emotionally and how my weight was affecting my self-esteem and how the changes were going to effect that.

I asked all the questions he had asked me about the procedure and he heard the answers from the experts first hand.  Listen to your husband and write down the things that are important to him, write down his concerns and be sure you have them addressed.

I involved him every step of the way and ensured that his concerns were heard by the team and myself.  Yes we argued, yes we cried, but we worked things out together and determined that a healthy me was a happy me and therefore a happy us.

A strong marriage is a strong marriage.  Yes there have been roadblocks, speedbumps and pot holes.  However we talked things out and understood where each side is coming from.  Our relationship is now stronger than ever and he likes the healthier, more energetic me better than chubby, tired, lazy me.  Yes, he actually finds me both a physically and emotionally more attractive person now.

He has joined the YMCA and we are working out and going for yoga classes together.  He is also taking adult swimming lessons during the day.  This journey has, in essence, brought us closer together.

The key is communication, honesty and openness.  All of which are the foundation for a good relationship no matter how you look at it.

  Wonderfully put!!!! 

hi verona.....i just got back form ottawa today and i have some problems i need to deal with....i am sorry i wont be going on sunday....until i get myself strong again.....i been getting sick every morning and they are going to keep an eye on me.....i also need complete bed rest for awhile.....take care of yourself.....

Thanks you so much Myke.
Hubby has and does everything with me. He has research right along with me and we togther actually educated my referring doctor about everything. He knows I need to this to live a longer life.
Again thank you so much. I thinik I just needed someone else to reassure me things will be ok.
All the best
Heidi

I had a similiar fear my husband like fat chicks too lol I have been up and down 60+ - in the 13 years we've been together but mostly + I have always been unhappy been fat.He had always had heavy girlfriends however what has made him see this was right for me is that I am now SO much happier he sees thins and after all I am still hte same person only the package has changed I do not flirt anymore or less lol although i get flirted with more now and I like it .I asked him the same question his reply you have always been a ***** now you will be a skinny ***** lol in total humor like you he is my best friend and we were friends before we ever started dating .Relax ou will be fine you will not change your personality just the wrapper