The Cost of Being Open.....

I decided from the get go that I wasn't going to try and hide my weight loss surgery from people that I would tell all of my family, friends, and co-workers and anybody who asked how I was losing weight once I started......I grew up in a home that was filled with secrets and remember the chaos that was created because of it so I try my best to be honest with myself and everyone in my life no matter what.  Anyway.....

In the past 5 months I have often talked about the surgery to various people and I have gotten pretty use to the people I telling having some kind fo story about knowing someone, who knows someone, who has a friend, that died from weight loss surgery.....I feel like I've gotten pretty good at responding to those types of situations but I got to say it is starting to get quite taxing!! 

Yesterday I told one of my co-workers (because I'm trying to get my shift switched on Thursday for my Orientation and needed them to understand the importance)....at first I said I was having an orientation for my surgery and she responded with "OMG SURGERY?!?!  ARE YOU OKAY??" to which I responded that everything was fine and that I was going to be having weight loss surgery to which she said "Oh" and then got real quiet.  I figured she had "a story" and just openly said so do you have a story about how someone you knew, knew somebody who's auntie died from weight loss surgery" and she said "well yes but I didn't want to say".....turns out 10 years ago someone she knows had WLS in the usa, got some kind of infection (she didn't know) and died. 

I told her what my I've been telling everyone else.....

If your doctor came to you and said "you could keep going in your current situation  and MAYBE have ten more years to live....OR you could have this surgery and you could likely have another 30, 40, 50 years what would you choose" to which she point blank said...."I would do the surgery".

It feels nice to be so confident in my decision to do this.....but at the same time the messages and stories from people are getting kind of annoying....LOL

Will it ever stop?

I have been the same way (telling lots of people) and had the same response from many people (although many have been incredibly supportive too).  I don't know what it is about this surgery that makes people want to tell you their horror stories.  Since we found out my dad has to have triple bypass everyone I have told has only told me their good stories...."my dad had that and he's lived another twenty years...my aunt had that and it changed her life"  Surely people have lost people due to heart bypass, but people only seem to want to put out the positive vibes.

So why the negativity toward gastric bypass?  I don't understand.

But good for you standing up to them with confidence rather than defensiveness.  As I learn more about the surgery I am feeling more confident in defending it too.  The only thing that really makes me mad is when people tell the horror stories in front of my 16 year old daughter!  However, we have a wonderful relationship and we talk very honestly with each other and she is very mature for her age, so she sees the stories for what they are and she encourages me to ignore the doubters!!

Tracy

It never stops... you're right when you say it's the cost of being open.  Once you tell people, you open yourself up to their opinions, whether good or bad.  Once I decided to have the surgery, I told only my family (though NOT my mother-in-law, who is the most negative person on the planet) and a few close friends.  I really didn't want to hear any opinions or stories - particularly the bad ones.  If I wanted to ask questions or get support, I came to this website to talk to people *****ally know what they're talking about.  Now that its done, I don't care who knows.  I even told my mother-in-law, who - as I predicted - was completely unsupportive ( Her response was, "I don't like that.  You shouldn't have done that.").  But it doesn't matter now because it's done.  It's so important to surround yourself with caring, supportive people.  This is an emotional process and you deserve kindness and understanding throughout it.  Good Luck :)

Only if you actually stop telling people. LOL!

Sorry but that's the way people generally are. Everyone has an opinion whether it is true or not.

Dawn

That's what I figured Dawn

 I feel the same as you pinkjellybean.  I grew up in a family rife with toxic secrets and I've always erred on the side of authenticity and honesty...yes, even at times to my own expense.  It just makes my life easier to live in the long run.  I've been open with my friends, family and coworkers, as well.  I have strong, positive interpersonal relationships with most of my coworkers (we're social workers), so I'm not worried about them.  If they have negative feelings or stories to tell, I feel ilke I can work through it with them and maintain a positive relationship.

 But I feel completely worried about what to tell my clients...especially those that also suffer from severe obesity.  I will feel badly if I am telling them that I am losing weight only through diet and exercise changes, since this will most likely add to their feelings of failure and isolation as an obese person who can't make diet and exercise alone work for them.
At the same time, I realize that this is an emotional issue for many, and I don't want to share about the wls and then shift the focus of our relationship to their reaction.  I work with adults with serious mental health problems.  WLS is not an option for them.  They would not pass the assessment stage.  They are often on anti-psychotics and other psych meds that pack weight on them.  Its not like talking about wls with them will educate them about an option that is actually available to them.

This is something that I will discuss in more detail with my supervisor and coworkers to get their opinions about how to handle clients that comment on my weight loss.  

Hey Sandy : ) 

I work in the social work / counselling field too except I work with adolescents with mental health struggles and some of our girls especially are dealing with anorexia, body image, and obesity struggles - my supervisor and I were just having a conversation about this the other day - there is a lot to think about in regards to the messages I do or do not want to be giving to our clients. 

Sandy, I appreciate that some of your clients might not pass the assessment, but don't write them all off. I have a pretty severe mental illness (including many hospitalizations) and take psych meds. I had the full support of my psychiatrist and was approved for surgery. He kept saying that if I didn't have the surgery I would die.

And there are probably lots of life experiences that are out of reach for some of your patients (vacations, a nice place to live, a good-paying job) and they are not shielded from everyone else's successes in those areas.

Back to Jellybean's post - I'm very impressed by how calmly you are responding to people.

And in response to Kerry's comment, I thought I had the most negative mother-in-law on the planet - I didn't tell her til I had to, when I saw her 6 months after surgery!

good post & thread

Hi Lisa_Toronto, thanks for the pause for thought, but I still doubt any of my clients would get approved for wls at this point in their life.  They lack the desired "stability" that seems to be what the psych screen is all about.  I take psych meds and see a psychiatrist, too!  Many, many social workers that I have encountered are both consumers of psych services and providers of the same services.  I understand the point that you are trying to make, but I don't think that I'm writing my clients off...just being realistic about the challenges that are facing them at this point in their lives.  Of course, I would never say never, but definitely not now.

Fair enough Sandy.  I'm "high-functioning" because I have a family and job to go back to when things settle down.  I know many people don't.  Sorry, "write them off" was harsh - didn't mean to suggest that you aren't very thoughtful.