An epiphany????

Friday, the team I work with went to a Team Adventure course. The first activity that we did was what was called a "trust walk. This basically meant that we walked with a partner- basically playing follow the leader through a course with our instructor, one person blindfolded, then switched roles. Leading proved harder than I expected, as we could not talk to each other & all communication had to be via touch.(Not to mention my partner was over 6 feet tall!). The scariest part came when I had to trust my partner. After I realized he wasn't going to let me get hurt, it was easy to open my mind & let him lead the way & put my faith in him. He did great....I realized that if you just put a little faith in someone, even someone you barely know, that they can help direct you to where you need to be. The most absolutely terrifying experience came when the instructor climbed up on a platform about 5 feet off the ground, just after we did some "trust" falls within a small group (Which I was freaked out about doing, anyway). You see, one of my biggest fears ever is falling from a high place. Long story short, I was pushed off of a treehouse when I was in 4th grade & have never faced that fear. Today I did. Basically, we were to fall backward onto a sort of "parachute" held by our team members. My first attempt was less than graceful & I nearly fell off the parachute. I could have given up at that time because I was scared. I made the choice this morning before I left that I am sick of being fearful. With the encouragement of the team (total of 8 people, some of who I barely know), I climbed back up on that platform & feel (much more gracefully) into the chute. The next step was a toss in the air. i honestly don't know when I have ever felt the rush of joy/fear/excitement as I did when i was thrown up in the air. After we were done, i confided in someone that falling from a high place was one of my biggest fears. But, i learned today that there really were people to catch me when I fall....I hope to apply that to other parts in my life. I put all of this into perspective in this way...Three years ago, I would have been terrified no one could or would catch me, being so large...I conquered that with losing that weight through surgery. Once I lost the weight & began having problems with my leg, at one time I gave up to the point that I thought I was destined to not be able to do anything truly physically active because I couldn't walk/stand without my braces...Through my nerve surgery & physical therapy, today I was able to do more than I ever though possible even 3 months ago, much less three years ago... Today, my muscles are sore, but I still feel the high of doing something I never thought I would do...I still feel the confidence that I can try anything now...Next ffear to conquer--Driving!!! Becky RNY 10-08-02 Dr. Pearce Pounds lost = Just a number Living life= Priceless