Old Friends...

I was in my home town this weekend to visit my mother and my grandparents and ran into a couple of old friends.  I mean - these are friends that I knew before we started kindergarten together... old friends.  I probably hadn't seen either of them in 2-3 years.  They both recognized me and neither really had anything to say about me looking different.  

I'm a little conflicted on how I feel about that.  I mean, these are some of the only people around who would have known me before when I was the same weight I am now, but that has been a lot of years ago.  I mean, I was heavier than this when we graduated high school together...

One part of me wants to believe that they just never noticed either way, but another part of me thinks, "how in the hell could someone not notice?"   I don't know... it was just strange....

I'm trying to accept the idea that with friends that you've known that long, they know you well enough that their feelings are not related to your size.  Do you think that can possibly be true?  You guys are the only people I know who can relate and possibly have some insight.  Any thoughts?

Thanks for your help!
John

I have this all the time.  One lady has known me for 18 years and has never said a thing.  But she's a toothpick.  She says she never notices weight since it's not an issue for her.  I think they just see us as "fabulous John" or "bubbly Kim" and not fat John or fat Kim.  Maybe they aren't as obsessed with the whole weight thing as we are?

On the other hand, maybe they're just crap weasels!!!

But on a more serious note, I have learned not to take other people's lack of observation powers or lack of kind words to heart.  I did this for me and my opinion is really the only one that truly matters.  (and my DH, of course)  I have to be happy within myself and not count on others to make me feel proud or worthy.  I still sometimes get my feelings hurt but I really shouldn't give other people that power.  No one understands except another obese or former obese person.

And then you have the jealous set that aren't capable of complimenting you because they haven't taken control of their own weight issues and feel jealous and ticked off that you have and are successful.  Says a lot  more about them that it does about either one of us!

And that makes them crap weasels!!!

I think you look spectacular and are an amazing success.  But the thing I like most about you is that you are beautiful on the inside.  It's clear to me those peeps are jealous!

John,
I had to laugh because I was faced with that very thing a few weeks ago...only it was family members who have talked behind my back, but yet pretended they didn't notice....
I out right asked my sister why she didn't say anything and she said that she was afraid to mention it to me because she thought I might get my feelings hurt by complimenting me. She said to mention it like that would mean that I wasn't acceptable as a heavy person and that was not what she wanted to say. She didn't want to say I looked great when she always felt I looked ok anyway....So her lack of response was in her own way to try not to say  MAN you were a fattie and now look at you! To be honest, I don't know how I would have felt, since she never said anything!
I think that sometimes our changes and confusion about things causes confusion in our friends and family too.  Maybe we should bring it up to put them at ease about saying anything....I just don't know. I just know my sister DID notice, but now I know why she didn't respond to it, like I expected....that is also a problem....Sometimes people don't respond to our "expectations"of their responses and it hurts us too..... 
I think you are an inspirations to so many of us on here and that ,who "YOU" are, is the most important thing. "You" are still YOU on the inside and maybe that is all they were looking at or ever looked at....*****ally knows for sure.....
Sherry

Ladies,

Thanks for your thoughts.  I appreciate your kind words so much!   It is also helpfult to be reminded that others are on this journey with me and experiencing some of the same things.

I've still been pondering this... and the more I think about it, I'm thinking that one of them may not have recognized me, as she never actually called me by name or said anything that definitely indicated that she knew it was me... hmmm...  As for the second one, I've pretty much decided that it just didn't matter - she recognized me as me, and that was all that mattered.

It is a strange new world we've ventured into.  I'm glad to have friends like you guys along to help me find the way.

John

John,
I think that some people dont say anything for fear of being impolite..while others dont care.
Dont take it personally cause how often do you see these folks?
And maybe they dont know of your weight issues.
Tell ya what I am going to NC next week and I am going to my high school reunions I will do a scientific experiment and see how many people do say something and how many dont...interesting...very interesting....
Btw i dont look at weight per say I OH GEE when I look at men I look at their eyes and their butts..plus how big their guns are not the belly.....and by your pics you have some 50cent buns..hugss

I suspect at least one of them didn't even realize it was you.  I had a situation last May where I knew I would see lots of folks who only knew me as morbidly obese.  It was a work thing- so I chose to continue wearing my name badge so folks would have a fighting chance to know who it was talking to them.  The looks on their faces was priceless when they fit the voice with the bame on the badge with the body standing in front of them.

But, there are those horrible, mean spirited people who will NOT acknowledge anything good in another person.  My ex-husband and ex-father-in-law have never acknowledged my weight loss.  They know about the surgery and yet continue to ignore the drastic changes in my body.  I mean, HELLO I've lost a chubby cheerleader in the last 18 months!  Come on people, thorw me a bone!