Guys and Girls- I need some love and support

I need some support and positive words.  Now that I have my surgery date, I have begun telling a few people but not everyone.  My husband is my support person and is behind/beside me but friends are a different story.  One of the friends who were supportive when I was “looking" in to surgery was very supportive.  Now that I have a date she says, “Who should come out to everyone and own it.  If you don’t want to tell everyone then I doubt you really want to do this".  She says that I am not even trying to lose weight on my own b/c I won’t go to Weigh****chers with her.  I have done the WW thing several times.   We are about the same size and I wonder if that has a lot to do with it.

 

Did you come out to everyone, some people, or no one?  I know this is a personal decision, but I would like to hear what everyone went through.

I have been very open and shared my decision, but no others have kept it a private. Only you know what is right for you. That being said, the only negative comments I received were from a woman at work (the smallest one there) who is always dieting and from overweight family members. I finally realized it was simply jealuosy and just ignored the comments and did what I needed to do for me.

I found that many were jealous of the opportunity to have the surgery. It often makes me sad that I can't help others to have this opportunity, because I know just how they feel. I would never have been able to do this had my mother not given me an early inheritance. It has honestly saved my life and I am very grateful.

I know that I don't announce it to everyone, but if asked, I will gladly tell how I am doing this.... To me this is a personal journey...not a public one. It's not like I put a sign on and tell the world.
The thing is though, the surgery was only a tool. It is still a very hard process. Learning how our tummy's now work and what we can and can't eat is very difficult. You have to eat wisely and choose wisely. The surgery doesn't fix the brain. It only limits what you can consume. The head hunger is unreal! If anyone says it is easy,then they are nuts! ! It is a very difficult lifestyle, both mentally and physically. 
Even my mother who paid for the surgery told me I wasn't trying hard enough to lose the weight....I have been overweight for over 30 years...so which diet should I re-try??? Nothing worked. I had 75 lbs to lose but for me this was most importantly for my health.  The more diabetic I became the harder it was to lose and then the more insulin I had to take, the more I gained....It was killing me. I had 3 stents and my Blood sugar A1C was 10.5.  I was up to 6-7 shots a day! This was a life saver, tossed my way and like I said...I wish I could bless someone with the same opportunity! 

For someone to say you should "come out "on this is un-informed. That is exactly WHY we don't tell to many people....because you have to listen to their doubts and their opinions on the subject. You should invite your friend to a seminar and have her listen to Dr. Walton expalin all of it....Now that I have been losing and am healthier....my sister wants to do this so bad, but because she is in the military, she can't yet. I have no doubt that she will do it in time though.  Your friend will see this differently, when she sees the changes in you.

You are doing the best thing you could ever do for yourself! Congratulations on starting a new life!
Sherry

I live in a small community. I only told close friends and family, but everyone knows. (gossip)  My daughter works in the post office and people ask her about me all the time.  I find it odd they ask her and not me.  I could care less who knows.  I know that I did this for myself and maybe my family.  As for weigh****chers, I have done that for years and it does not work for me.  I was even a weigh****ches instructor for a few years.  You get to make the decision how open you wish to be.  People will notice something different about you eventually anyway.  I have noticed that the people *****ally care about you are interested and talk to you.  The people *****ally don't care about you talk behind your back.

I came out with it to pretty much everyone, but that is just how I am anyways.  I'm open and have the "if you don't like what I'm doing, you don't have to be around it" attitude.  I have had many supporters over the years, but I have lost a couple of "friends" also.  I lost "friends" who didn't want me around anymore if I wasn't the "fat friend" who made them look good.  Their loss!   I had people who also told me that I took the easy way out over and over, only to turn around 2-3 years later and have the surgery themselves.  I will say that when I approached those people, they were very defensive about it.  I guess what I'm getting at is this...  There are going to be "haters".  It always seems to happen.  Just hold your head high and know that you are doing this for YOU and not for anyone else. 

~ Renae

PS  I did the WW thing 4 different times so I understand you not wanting to do it again!

Thank you for responding.  I have had some time to think about it and I know there will be others that are negative toward the surgery, so I better get ready.  I have no intention to lie about the surgery but I'm not planning on wearing a button that says, "Ask me about my WLS".  I guess this is all part of the journey.  I don't think this friendship will survive.  Being fat is what we always had in common.

I feel the same way, I don't plan on lying but I'm not going to advertise it either.  My closest friend, and family know, or will know before surgery.  As far as everyone else it's not something I feel comfortable discussing with just anyone. 

You friend probably is jealous, and I would try and keep your distance, you don't need that negative energy, keep focused on yourself, be selfish, many of us aren't selfish enough, and it's time to be a little selfish!!  Lets enjoy our  journey, NOV 17th ROCKS!!

Tracy

HELL I was so happy to get my approval I fought a year before to get it, and I wanted my family to be informed especially my dad had reservations but like me facts reassure him so I gave him LOTS of facts and in the end he was great about it. I will tell anyone my story and even actually last weekend got two matching butterfly tattoos on the top of my wrists the butterfly to symbolize the changes I have made one has the date 10-1-07 the first day I was smoke free since I was 15 years old. (My doc required minimum 90days smoke free before surgery)  and the other has my RNY surgery date. I have as of this evening lost 101 pounds I gained a little back from the carb snacking lately. I am only 6 pounds from goal. I welcome questions about my surgery because I would like this surgery to get more positive information out there about how much it has improved and the great things it can do for someone. BUT that being said this is a very personal choice and each person must deside for themself. We will always be here for you!

I completely understand where you are at with this.  Since I started the process in the spring, I have gone through a lot of different feelings about who to tell and if I would tell - there seems to be such a "stigma" with having this surgery still.  What I know today is that I have evolved from being really firm that I wasn't going to tell anyone except very close family and some friends to I am just going to be open about it with anyone who I may need to tell.  I have to say that the one thing that really made a difference in how I felt about telling people was actually something I read on here - "You have to own it".  If we are going to be successful we have to stop judging ourselves and take ownership of this new life we are embarking upon.  Owning it, however, has nothing to do with "telling everyone" - it is owning it for yourself

It was like a lighbulb moment for me.  I read this about a month ago and it really has changed how I am moving forward with this surgery.  I have told a few more people at work and more family and friends - many of which have surpised me by responding in a positive way.  Nobody else has to walk down your path, so it is not their place to judge. 

I have beat myself up for all of the failures over many years in trying to lose weight.  I still struggle with a comment that somebody made after a co-worker had the surgery - "They took the EASY way out".  I struggle with getting past that and wonder if I am taking the easy way out - BUT, the more I read on here the more I know there is nothing easy about this whole process. 

One final note - I had a longtime friend who was always about the same size as me if not bigger.  She had the surgery about a year ago and was very successful.  She, however, was always a sabotager anytime I tried to lose weight.  I had some successes over the years when she had not and she would always try to sabotage me in the process.  We have grown apart and I see her jealousy and insecurity for what it was - HERS. 

I pretty much told most of my family and friends because I was so excited about it.  I took a lot of grief from most everyone because they didn't think I had that much to lose and they thought I should do it the traditional ways.  But I told them I felt that 80 pounds was a lot of weight and although I really loved Weigh****chers, it just wasn't enough for me to keep off the weight.  Plus I didn't want to wait until I was 100+ pounds overweight to do the surgery.  I have no regrets.  It has been the best money I've ever spent on myself and for my daughter.  You have to do what you feel is best for you and don't worry about what anyone else thinks.  They'll either get used to it or you'll move on to better things.

Good luck... you won't regret it.