Preceptions ( Warning rambly and long)

MommaHen
on 10/3/09 12:45 am - Oklahoma City, OK

OK I am going to share with my Okie family something I have really been having a personal issue with and would love to hear everyone thoughts on it. Other than being much happier (apparently I was a bigger b*t*h when I was 407 pounds than I ever realized till talking with my nephews a couple months ago) having energy, and actually participating when I do go out I am still the same Sarah I have always been I love the same, I laugh the same, I have the same thoughts and cares I did before, the same hopes and dreams I have always had. BUT I am no longer the FAT INVISIBLE GIRL hiding in the corner watching the others get up and play darts,pool etc. I was always the purse watcher because all my friends were small and used to being out there well I am the one who feels like getting up dancing even all by myself I love music, I play darts, pool, in other words I am not in that corner any more. But what is messing with my head is perceptions of people that knew me before and the different way many of them now treat me, from the ones that no longer talk to me since I am not the fat one of the bunch, the ones I had crushed on years ago and they ignored me and now want to ask me out, the new guys that sit down and hit on me. Its all so new and I am really having issue with dealing with this new attention. The weirdest part is the ones that knew me before I can deal with I told the F off a long time ago but the attention of new ones is hard for me to deal with. I was a fat kid, I was a fat teen, I was a fat early adult. And truthfully didn't date much or even have but a couple of relationships that ended up very badly. Now I have no clue to handle this or well as weird as it maybe if they are even sincere.( Yes I know I need to talk to someone and I have started that recently) I think everyone has a agenda and I went a little wild for a minute and wonder if I hurt a very sweet guy more than I ever meant to because I thought another was better. But now I wonder about him, we just live so far apart (3 hours) and while we are sitting face to face we never shut up talking but the weeks between we text or I'm every night but we don't really talk about anything serious.So I have came to the conclusion I have to break up with him but can anyone give me some insight into any of this. Have you felt any of it all of it HELP!!!

Having the time of my life!

(deactivated member)
on 10/4/09 1:43 pm

I'll leave the relationships things to the gals who are better at it than me.

The friend thing hurts big time, and I've had it happen during several weight losses. I was a major yoyo and went through several cycles of friends who wanted me to be the purse watcher and the "safe girl" to take when they wanted to check someone out....but when I'd lose weight and become "competition" then I was no longer invited.

Yeah, I know, the problem is with THEM, not me, but dang it, it still hurts.

And, and I know you know what I'm talking about-it sucked being the fat girl the guy would come up and talk to so he could get to know the skinny girl without coming on too strong.

And I don't trust any relationship that occurs mostly in text. It's far too easy to miscommunicate, even without intention to mislead, and WAY too easy to downright deceive if you have intention. I have lots of online type friends, some of whom I meet and hang out with-but none are romantic.

I do think learning this whole relationship thing after being heavy for any length of time is tough-and you should just take it at your own pace, not anyone else's.

MommaHen
on 10/5/09 1:46 am - Oklahoma City, OK

RNY on 11/10/08

Thanks Debra you always say something that really touches home with me.

Having the time of my life!

Patiurple
on 10/5/09 10:03 am - Wheatland, OK

RNY on 11/05/07

sarah,
this happens to so many women and men that have lost weight..you seem to forget you and become something that you are not cause of the freedom...In any 12 step program....they demand that you do not get into any relationship for one year after you start recovery...I think wls should be the same way.
i was never the purse watcher.... never just sit there and answered questions about my thinner friends. So I cant relate to that. But what I can relate to is the guys that before would ignore me now dont..and how do I react to that..simply I smile and ask if I was 350 pounds would you talk me to..if they say no or or say yes I know the truth and i would not waste another second on them.
Instead of looking or going out take this time to find YOU...Men and relationships can wait. cause if you dont slow down and take time to know you...you will lose out on part of this journey that is so important.
Take time to know you..decide on what you are wanting and stick to that.
Dont settle for less then the best...

being healthy has its rewards....take the challenge and just do it

Preceptions ( Warning rambly and long)

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Preceptions ( Warning rambly and long)