YEAH!!!!!!!! AN EMOTIONAL BREAK THROUGH

luv2sleep
on 9/12/09 10:28 am
Post Date: 9/12/09 7:28 pm
Ah, finally!!!  I am currently doing my 6 month diet and exercise requirement for my insurance approval.  I am in my 5th month and I have been worried this whole time about MISSING FOOD after surgery.  The quantity of food you know.  I have been reading the OH website daily all these months and going to support groups trying to learn as much as I can about bariatric surgery.  This week I really started praying about an answer and peace one way or another.  I have been so confused and burdened.  Every day when I log on and read the posts, everybody rants and raves about how much they love their VSG.  Even the people that have had complications say they would do it all over again in a minute.  Ok, that seems to be a positive answer to my prayers.  But WAIT 1 minute, today I allowed myself to fall off the wagon with my healthy eating plan.  Family was in town and we ate out not once but that's right, twice.  Here's the answer to prayer and the EMOTIONAL BREAK THROUGH part to this story.  On the way home tonight I told my husband that for the FIRST time I would have been just as happy, more happy actually, eating the same things but in the VSG portion instead of the Teresa portion!   I did have green beans, dinner salad, taco salad, and some healthy stuff along with the not so healthy.  WOW, I feel so free and peaceful.  Mind you I'm saying this and feeling this on a full and satisfied tummy, but I truely believe that I have a new and improved outlook!!  I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  This site has been a great help to me.  The posts from the newbies as well as those further out have so much to offer to those of us waiting, reading, and learning.  I know that this is a lifelong journey and I feel that I'm going in with my eyes as wide open as any pre-op can.  I also do know that I feel at ease and peaceful right now but realize this really is a roller coaster ride.  But, I'm ready to hang on for the ride of my life.  Just as soooo many say, I wish I would have had surgery earlier in life and I haven't even had it yet.  I feel that I would have been a more fun mom and enjoyed life more and been so much more active.  But, I can't go back I can only look forward and make the most out of the tomorrows ahead of me.  Thanks for sharing my story with me.  I'm so excited now.  Please feel free to offer any advice or words of wisdom.  Please keep posting so I can keep learning!!

Teresa
SuziJones
on 9/13/09 12:22 pm
I have to say Teresa that in doing the research to decide which procedure would be best for me I called one of my oldest and dearest friends that had RNY surgery and in talking with her she told me that she wasn't one to exercise and from the onset her husband said that they were going to keep enjoying their life of eating out, going to the movies and having popcorn. Like you, she told me that if she feels like a cookie, she has one. She is happy with her body AND life. She eats very few greasy or sweet foods due to the dumping, but she does eat NORMAL foods and maintains her weight. She told me that she NEVER over indulges. She knows how many bites you can eat and after that, she is done and doesn't pu****

I think you have to be able to LIVE, and it sounds like you are ready to do that, your way. I applaud your positive frame of mind and realizing what it is you want and how you see your life.

I agree, this is a WONDERFUL site!! I too learn soo much!! I look forward to reading MORE from you and getting to know you!
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You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.  ~Michael Jordan 
My Goals:
1) 200lbs ACCOMPLISHED
3) 170lbs
4) Run 5K
"Unneeded food is not any less wasted in a body that doesnt need it, than it is in the trash." ~Brandilynn
 "Those that will not be governed by God will be ruled by tyrants." ~William Penn
 
                
    
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onerland-2.jpg My Onerland!! picture by minnlay
luv2sleep
on 9/13/09 5:00 pm
Thanks, Suzi, for replying.  I will be great getting to know you also!!  Have a great day : )

Teresa
Lisa J.
on 9/14/09 1:40 am - OK
I totally get what you got!!

When I finally realized that the whole reason (or at least most of it) that most of us are here is because in one way or another, we have an eating disorder. Mine happens to be portion control. Never one to binge or consume mass quantities of bad stuff, I was always asking for or getting another 1/2 a baked potato or another scoop of pasta....staying away from desserts or other sweets has fortunately never been a big issue. Always been a meat and potatoes girl. Ahhh, potatoes.

So when you said you had been worried about the quantities of food you'd be able to eat after VSG....it hit me that I could certainly relate to that thought, and many others will probably chime in too. It's a weird fence we're on....we KNOW intellectually that eating like we had eaten most, if not all, of our lives was NOT doing us any favors and it kept us from enjoying and celebrating and joining in most functions....but it is what we KNEW. And so we kept doing it. The same ol' same 'ol is safer than the unknown. Even if it's bad.  So bailing off the food wagon, we can start to separate ourselves from worrying about food. In your new life you will probably look at food like something 'you just have to do' that is just a part of staying alive...not something you thought about all the time. Face it, our culture revolves around food! And for the people like us who have to battle it each and every day, it's torture in a subtle way.

So when I look back and can remember when I was frequently so miserable after one more scoop of whatever, and I had already decided that the VSG was for me, the light bulb went on and I GOT IT! I can still eat whatever I want, still try new foods, just be satisfied with small bites or tastes of whatever it is I think I want. What I then discovered was that all those things that I used to want 2nd servings of, suddenly don't have the same appeal as they once did!

Granted, I don't keep much pasta, rice or other carbs in the house now (only for mom), and since meat and other proteins have always been a forerunner in our house, it's not been a problem. Food has become a non-issue with me! It's amazing. Some of my tastes have changed, some foods no longer have that "ahhhh" feeling. And then it makes me wonder if it really ever did!!  At any rate, this is the most amazing gift EVER and I cherish each new lower number on the scale with SO much appreciation and awe. Some days I truly cannot believe it's happening to me. Food is NOT so important. Now, it's almost a struggle to eat. It just doesn't matter much anymore!! Isn't that unreal???

I am thrilled for you that you can have this surgery and that  you're doing your research and getting information and getting pumped up about your new life!! It's nothing short of completely amazing! Enjoy!
Lisa J
HW: 277   Day of Surgery: 234    CW: 161 Goal: 135 sounds good but....? Who knows!



HW/277   EVAL/260  PREOP/246  SURGERY DAY/243   CW/162 1/3/2011
luv2sleep
on 9/14/09 7:40 am
Wow, Lisa, you hit soooooo many points I don't even know where to begin.  Portion control is my issue also.  Sweets  and desserts are a huge issue with me though.  It is torture battling food everyday.  Wow it sounds so foreign to me that my thought regarding food may change.  How exciting!  Hard to believe, but exciting!!  I sure hope I lose the appeal for more food just because it tastes good.  I know physically I will because my tummy won't be able to hold it, but I also hope mentally i lose it also.  How great it is to hear you say that food is just not that important.  I sure hope I feel the same.  You said you WLS is the most amazing gift, wow, that's great!!  Your excitement is wonderful.  Thanks so much for sharing with me!!!!  I loved hearing your story!!  Keep up the good work and congrats, Lisa : )

Teresa
Lisa J.
on 9/15/09 1:16 am - OK
Hi Teresa:

You are very welcome!

Whatever our issues are with food don't necessarily go away with surgery BUT I HAVE TO SAY it helps! I also realize that a lot of people on these boards have NEVER been thin and all the head crap to go along with the new person they're becoming on the outside is hard to swallow (pun intended).

I have been lucky enough a couple times in my adult life when I was smaller and fairly 'normal' but never for longer than a couple of years. Some of these wonderful people have no idea what it's like to get appreciative glances and flirting and a different kind of treatment from people when they become thin--the fat phobics and rude teasers of the world make every day life more difficult for all of us--geez, do they need to make another movie or documentary about how fat people are treated in society?? So most of us have a brand new set of issues to deal with but they are SO MUCH MORE WELCOME as a thin healthy person!! So we kind of get a double whammy and we have to also learn how to deal with all those new feelings and issues. But they're ones we're THRILLED to get to deal with, right?

We are happy to see you here, happy to help and are just as anxious for you to start your journey as you are! Congrats! You won't be sorry, I promise that!
Lisa J
HW: 277   Day of Surgery: 234    CW: 161 Goal: 135 sounds good but....? Who knows!



HW/277   EVAL/260  PREOP/246  SURGERY DAY/243   CW/162 1/3/2011
luv2sleep
on 9/15/09 12:14 pm
Thanks, Lisa, for your support.  I am so excited to become tha thin, healthy person.  I am working on the head issues now and know I will need to for a long time to come.

Thanks,

Teresa
fleemore1
on 9/14/09 5:33 am - Harrah, OK
Don't beat yourself up too bad for "falling off the wagon".  You will again and again unfortunately.  We had surgery on our stomachs and not our brains.  Most of our reasons for "falling off the wagon" are emotional and head hunger.  I do have a peace most of the time about what I eat, the portions I eat and that I have finally succeeded in loosing most of my weight.  Of course, I wish I had done this years ago but it wasn't as safe years ago and I didn't have the insurance or the financial means to do it then.  I still didn't have insurance to pay for it but I was able to come up with the money and it was the best money I have ever spent.  I would definately do it again.  I'm glad you have a peace about your decision.  I know that even now my kids who are all grown are excited about my success.  I get on the floor to play with my grandson and work puzzles with him.  He wanted to see a picture I have in my kitchen last weekend and said "who is that Nana?"  Well, it was me and I told him that and he said "no, Nana!".  He doesn't know me at that 408 pound woman and I'm so glad I feel great and can be active with him!!

Just hang with this bunch of "loosers".  We all have a story to tell, questions to ask and a journey to go.  Good luck to you my friend!

Debbie

This is the ride of my life.....what an amazing tool I now have!!!
luv2sleep
on 9/14/09 7:22 am
Thanks so much Debbie!!  I remember seeing you at a WW meeting a couple of months or so ago.  It's so exciting how your life has changed and you can get on the floor and play with your grandson!!  That's worth all the money in the world : )  No doubt he didn't recognize you in that pic.  I'm gonna venture to say your not the same woman in more ways than just in size!  Congratulations on your success and your new active life!!!!!!  Thanks so much for responding to my post : ) 
fleemore1
on 9/15/09 12:51 am - Harrah, OK
You are so welcome!  You'll be there before you know it!!!  Will you be at group Wednesday night?  I'd love to see you again! 

This is the ride of my life.....what an amazing tool I now have!!!
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