Relationship changes

this is something i have been thinking on a lot here lately as I am seeing relationships change and shift as the weight goes.  There is so many relationships that can change with this changes we make and I am not just talking about the male female kind, I have seen changes in my family relationships, friends, and even with my kids as I have gotten smaller.
 
One that really made me go whoa lately was there is two Sarah's in the extended family and for years I have been known as BIG Sarah. Well I am no longer big Sarah i am now much smaller in size than her, and the family is trying to figure out a new way to distenguish between us when talking. Now its OUR Sarah and Larry's Sarah. Anyyway it really messed with my head the first few times when they started discussing this. I have been the BIG one for so long it still blows me away.

One of my newphews saw me this past weekend for the first time in about 4 months and what blew him away was the fact he could reach all the way around me now. Something at 20 he has never been able to do before in his life. 

And as Pattye can tell you I have an awesome cheerleader in my kids especially my little girl but she is starting to talk with me about how she is feeling about the new mommy and while she is loving it she is also dealing with adjusting to the newest version of me. I almost lost a good friend over my choice to have the surgery but thankfully she adjusted and we worked it out though our relationship is changed from where it was. 

I would love for some of the others to share how you and yours have dealt with the relationship changes as I am seeing some I never thought of Pre-op heck even the first few months out. I knew that there was a chance of it changing a marriage and such but I never realized how many different areas of your life the weight did and still does effect.

You do have a great cheerleader!I think that if you are thinking of wls you need to do research as I did. And see how people do change with the weight loss.
For me, my sister was always the thin one.. What is hard for me is my sister is older than I am an looks her age plus she has gained weight i FELT  bad for her when i took clothes to her and they were my 24 jeans and she could wear them! I didnt say a word just cried inside cause she was always the skinny one.
My brother  hated the fact I had rny and still does.
I have a few cousins who havent seen me in 20 plus years and because of my pics i have sent they are researching rny .
I truly beleive if your relationships are solid before wl...they will survive it. If the relationship is rocky and not stable weight loss will not be the reason it ends but its the stone that made the foundation fall.
I have a wonderful guy friend who's wife walked out on him 8 months post op cause she didnt want a thin man...that to me was just her excuse to leave.
So folks if you are rocky now after wls you gonna fall...
just remember COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION Is important

Sarah,

I know what you're talking about.  It's hard to go from being the largest one in the family, to one of the smaller ones...or the biggest friend.  I have always been bigger than any of my family or friends.  This past weekend, we all got together for my mother's birthday.  My sister-in-law won't even speak to me.  Now I don't know if that's the reason...don't really care, but if I came around, she walked away.  My best friend had wls several years ago...when I was doing weigh****chers and had  lost about 50 lbs. she told me she'd do whatever she had to so that I didn't become smaller than her.  She had Vertical Banding at the time.  Well she still looks great, however has gained back some and I have caught her. Her problem is that I suddenly have caught the attention of a few male friends and she's always been the one who was going out on the weekends, having dates with different guys...etc.  She won't even ask me about a date that I went on.  I have two specific male friends that I talk to a lot, I won't even say we date, we're just good friends, it is killing her because I talk to them all the time.  I've done so many things this summer with my friends that even my family is getting jealous!  LOL  What I can't get any of them to realize is that I'm the same person inside that I was before I had the surgery.  I still have the same feelings about them, but it's time I had some fun of my own, and I'm doing it!  

It is hard when we lose weight, because it does mess with our head.  I have found that it is harder for me to trust people because of how I was treated by the people I thought were my friends before, who were really just not very nice people. 

Hugs,
Marsha

I often wonder if good friends are simply fearful that you might 1) die on the table 2) have it not be successful 3) jealous?

Let's face it, people DO act different when people change their physical appearance in a drastic way. We all know that fat people get treated differently whether it be blatant or subtle. Personally in the last year at my highest weight ever I inwardly would say "hold those fries" whenever I would see a fatter person than me having a much larger portion of food in a restaurant--and now that I'm starting to lose again I feel such sadness and pity for a hugely overweight person! I wish everyone that needed this could have it.

The inner goddess might come screaming out of a formerly overweight gal's body because she maybe thought she wasn't deserving of ever being attractive or healthy or looked at by the opposite sex....and now she's able to be the person she always wanted to be or wished she could be and some people simply aren't going to like it! Yes, we are truly still the people we always were, but now we're celebrating and in some very different ways! Lots and lots of depressed and quiet, in-the-background people are blossoming in different ways and for friends and family, change is HARD! Whatever the status quo was is MUCH easier to take than whatever unknown is around the corner!

I think it's also the same reason people don't divorce when they're miserable--you might not like what's going on but it's familiar while branching out and discovering yourself or relying totally on yourself is SCARY!

So if family and friends TRULY love you for who you are today they should have no qualms about what becomes of the outside of you tomorrow. If they can't get the new you then they never really knew the old you.

 

Just MY opinion.

Sarah, you have had some real wow moments going on. I think it is great that your family is adjusting to the new you and adjusting what they call you to go along with it.
I have definitely had some relationship changes. The first being with my husband. Our relationship has gotten better. I don't feel as self conscious with him as I did, but on the same not he is more conscious of his appearance. My daughter has started gaining weight and this has made our relationship a bit tough. I don't want to get on to her, but I don't want to see her get as big as i was either. Still don't know how to handle this one yet.
My son can finally wrap his arms all the way around me and he actually commented on this today. He said it felt great, which made my heart soar. As far as friends go, my friends have been supportive for the most part, but most of my friends are or have had WLS. So, that has helped me alot. My extended family has also been supportive in my efforts to lose weight and all make a big deal of my changes every time they see me. I love it that they notice.
Emily

Thank you all for responding and sorry I didnt before today but had company for the weekend and wasn't online. You all have very good input on the subject and do believe this is a topic that should be discussed since good or bad it is going to impact those arounf us as well as us.