way of topic...

I have been dealing with alot of crap...One of the things I have kept hidden...mainly cause of shame is the fact I have been eating alot of crap that I know I am not suppose to eat. Last night I confessed to it and now I am here. My reasons are stupid for doing it..mainly emotional stress along with alot of financial.
It seems as if the bf in South Carolina has turned into an arse. My weight loss has made him more jealous and controlling. he does not want me to be on line, talk to ANY MEN  and I am suppose to dress in a certain way.
After talking to a certain person on this board... I realize that to heal and to get on with my life I have to be honest to you the folks that I admire and look up to.
I am lost...for the last 2 years I have had to deal with surgeries and that has kept me here....I have no family here and no job that would hold me down..the few friends I have I met through wls and  I don't think my leaving would upset them greatly. To me I am like a mixed up kid...I don't know what to do where to go...truly mixed up.
So my Oh family if you have any suggestions....reprimands lay them on me..
Hugs pattye

Pattye,
I'm sorry you are going through so much.  I do think you are doing the right thing, moving on.  You don't want to be controlled by anyone.  You don't sound like the kind of person that would put up with any BS from anyone anyway. 
I think you should think about what you REALLY want and go for it.  Like you said you have NOTHING holding you back from anything.  Its like your life is like a clean slate ready to be painted! 
All that you have been through the past couple of years has had to have made a huge impact on who you are today.  If you are considering going back to SC, will you be going backwards or moving forward?  You are such a strong impact on here and your opinions are like gold!  You will find the answer, its just a little harder to find wisdom for yourself!  It is for me anyway. 
I'm sure you will do the right thing either way!
Hugs and lots of support here!!!!
Kim J!

Kim going back to NC for me would be hard...having to see those that I left behind..but at the same time its home. I have 3 great nieces and ag reat nephew that needs a zany aunt in their lives where they can go to and let it all habg out...I was that for their parents and
 I would love to be there for them before they are to old to want me around....
leaving Oklahoma will be hard..I found myself here...this is where I took control..but at the same time I believe God puts people in our lives for a reason for a season...so if you dont mind pray that God gives me guidance


hugs

I agree with you 100%.  You have lots of soul searching to do.  When its all sorted out you will know whats best for you.  It will work out the way its supposed too!
I don't mind saying a prayer for you at all!
I wish you the best!
Hugs
Kim J!

Hi Pattye:

The one thing I DO know is a jealous, controlling person in your life is NOT going to help you. I know what it feels like to have male attention after being denied for a long time, and it probably was overwhelming and unbelievable and flattering and on and on...but seriously, a controlling person isn't good to ANYONE especially one who has gone through so many emotional ups and downs as you have. Just from your couple of sentences it sounds as if he could REALLY become worse. A person content with themselves does NOT put any restraints on their mate. PERIOD. There's looking out for a person's best interest and there is flat control. Do yourself a favor and cut it off with him.

It sounds as if you are trying to convince yourself to move to SC to be with him.....? I sure hope not--because the liklihood of it not working out. If it's not working out now, it won't when you get there.

I am not clear if you have a job here, perhaps not the job of a lifetime, BUT it's a job when so many people are unemployed....do give that serious thought. It's a BIG item unless you are financially self sufficient.

It sounds to me as if you've been licking your wounds by reverting back to bad habits--and we ALL understand that, truly we do, but get on with this new life, seek out only people who MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD 24/7, not people who are distrustful and out to undermine your success. It's not worth the drama and the resulting pain.

However, having said that, you gotta do what you gotta do, even if that means going against all that your common sense tells you to. You are an adult, you are free to come and go anywhere you want. Get back on this train that helps you, wants you to succeed. You are obviously a vibrant woman with a lot to offer the world. Don't let this momentary roadblock be permanent.

My job is self employement..and right now it sucks...People are not decorating like they were and so I suffer to find work. Plus I have lost contracts whn the homeowner found out thatI had gastric bypass.or if there husbands stare at me...so here I am.

I have always kept positive around me ..cause the negative just breeds more..And whats so funny is he was positive untill I came back to Oklahoma for surgery...guess hes afraid I will find someone else and with his attitude who wouldnt...hmmm no wonder hes been married twice..

I will just say , that it took alot of strength to confess to all the above It shows just how srong you really are.....Pattye, we love you and would miss you and all your input, but we also want you to be happy. If moving home, where you are close to family, then we would want that for you too. We just want you to be happy in all area's in your life. You can still chat with us and give us butt kicks from there!
I think it's the hardest thing to admit to ourselves what we are doing wrong....We KNOW the answers inside and it's as if we just keep it there so we don't have to face it....This applies to so many things in our lives...., money issues, family problems, friends, men, women, or even just the foods we are eating. Bringing it to light, often helps and I hope this will help you too.

You need wisdom and I am not really a wise person...yes, older but not wiser. I am just glad you unloaded some of this burden and I pray that you will be able to look at it with clearer eyes now...
We love you girl! Don't forget that....but remember love knows no time or distance. So we can always love you where ever you are. Now if we could just win the lottery and give you some help with that!! 
Huggggs back girl!
Sherry

(((Hugs))), Pattye.
I applaud your honesty. When we have stress, it's awfully hard not to eat because of it, and we do tend to turn to the junk food. You are worth more than that, and I know that you know it doesn't change the situation any. It just makes things worse, because when you feel yucky, everything else looks a bit more yucky, too.
The food thing will work itself out, because you have come too far to go back to where you started. That is just NOT going to happen. You know what to do.
I did cry when I read your post, because of what you're dealing with in your "boyfriend." I do not want you to become a battered wife, like I was. You are being given a gift, in that you are seeing him for who he really is...now, before marrying him. Take those warning signs seriously, and I pray you will make the decision to cut off all ties to him. If moving to S.C. will make that more difficult, don't go.
I'm praying for you, Pattye, that you will make the decisions that will serve you well. God wants the best for you. As you look to Him, He will lead and guide you. He's as close as the mention of His Name. I know you know that. :)
Blessings & Prayers,
Mary

Pattye, I know things are tough...you are human!!!  You have nothing to be ashamed of because you aren't doing anything that we all haven't done.  If ythey haven't done them then more than likely it's because they aren't very far out.  Like I said last night...we just get a liltte complaicent, feeling better about ourselves, think we look better, fit into society better, can shop in "normal places" and think we are "normal" and just plain old get tired of thinking about what we eat all the time!  We have to remind ourselves that we didn't have brain surgery and our brains are basically the same.  I did things one way for about 50 years myself and that's a lot of time and a whole lot of baggage.  We get to that "stinkin thinkin" and start feeling a bit sorry for ourselves because we can't turn to our old friend "food" anymore.  We're like an alcoholic only we have to have food around and we don't have to have alcohol in our homes.  Most of us were true food addicts wether we want to admit that or not or voice it out loud or not but I KNOW I was a FOOD ADDICT!  Those thoughts and desires just do not go away we just have to find our way back to the basics and know that we do NOT want to go back where we came from.  I know when I had surgery, wrote that big old check and did what I did I said I would never eat anything I shouldn't eat....well, guess what,...I did and I do and I need to get back to the basics too sister.  We CAN DO THIS...WE WILL DO THIS TOGETHER!!!  Clean the crap out of your house...get rid of those supplements that you hate and restock with the protein, veggies and fruits that your body needs and deserves.  We are in this together and this is our life that we have been given a second chance at.  I think we need to print one of our before pictures and hang that miserable woman on our refrigerators because you and I both know we were miserable at that 400+ weight.  We didn't live life...we just were here watching life go by.  You have done a marvelous job and so many look up to you for advice or a good kick in the arse.  Just look at how far you have come and just say I can do this and I don't want to go back ever to where I was before. 

On the other hand you are much to important to settle for a MAN who thinks he can control you.  You do not seem to me to be the kind of woman who would be controlled by anyone let alone a stupid MAN.  Dump his arse and don't even look back.  It's better to be alone than to be with someone who is controlling and makes you miserable.  I know you have friends here but if you need to be around your family then I totally understand that too.  We'll still be here for you from here or afar.  Just don't go back and let that guy reel you into something you do not need or deserve!!!

HUGGS to you my friend! 

Amen Sister!!!!