The problem with the brain....confessions of a Banana girl
Ok here comes the confessions of emotions. I am grieving many things right now in this phase.......I'm not inviting everyone over for a pity party or anything....I just need to voice these to see if anyone else out there may feel the same....You know, like it makes you feel better to have great company who understand your feelings.....
One of my former jobs was a personal chef. I have a very creative mind when it comes to food....there are days now, when I feel like "Why bother". I do stupid things like fill up a plate or a bowl, like I used to do, only to remember that there is no way in the world I can eat but about 1/4 of it. Last night I made a great steak only to be able to eat about 1/3 cup. Sure I have left overs, but it's not the same. I am so very grateful that I don't have to cook for a family, but I find myself saying "why cook for 1" and pop open a can of tuna or chicken??? Sure I freeze stuff, but I could eat for a year on my frozen stash now. I was disappointed that I couldn't eat that whole steak. My brain wanted to enjoy all the 4 oz steak. My mind wants to eat a whole hamburger patty and all the toppings. I miss that. I understand that they fill you up and you don't get all the protein in that you need.....so you skip the toppings and I am missing those lately. I hate eating vitamins for my snacks, when I am not supposed to snack anyway! I was never one to eat 2 hamburgers or tons of fries or anything like that, but I am really mourning normal quantities and things that went together....I go to the store and shop like I have a normal stomach and then go around putting things back. I love the results of the surgery....that is not it. I suppose, this is just a mourning or grieving period. I have to be very careful in what I pick to eat because if it is not what I wanted, then my stomach is full and I just don't get to change and eat something else. I miss that! Like going to a buffet, you try new things and if you didn't like it, you just tried something else....That can't happen, with this....I am sure this is quite normal and if it's not, then I am acting like a freaking baby about it.....or crazy, either one, or both! I would think though, that many would feel this way.....
Maybe I am thinking more about all of this, because of this next issue......
I had forgotten that it was 40 years since I graduated from High School, until I got an invitation to a dinner next week and the ones in charge picked Spaghetti Warehouse!! They must be able to wear a cute belt and still look great....I have no idea what in the world I can eat there! It is stuff like this, that for some reason I am feeling sad about lately. I actually don't want to go because of that......As I said....I am tickled about the loss, but I think this part is so very hard to rise above at times..... I would do it again in a heart beat.....but I am just saying this is a very hard part of this process and am admitting that is is depressing at times. I was afraid to admit that I was feeling like this, because I thought people would think I was ungrateful for the surgery. My blood work shows I am healthier than I have been in years and I am so grateful for these reports, and that I live in a time that there is even a surgery like this available....... BUT I will beat the living crap out of the next person who says how easy this must be!!!
Sherry
One of my former jobs was a personal chef. I have a very creative mind when it comes to food....there are days now, when I feel like "Why bother". I do stupid things like fill up a plate or a bowl, like I used to do, only to remember that there is no way in the world I can eat but about 1/4 of it. Last night I made a great steak only to be able to eat about 1/3 cup. Sure I have left overs, but it's not the same. I am so very grateful that I don't have to cook for a family, but I find myself saying "why cook for 1" and pop open a can of tuna or chicken??? Sure I freeze stuff, but I could eat for a year on my frozen stash now. I was disappointed that I couldn't eat that whole steak. My brain wanted to enjoy all the 4 oz steak. My mind wants to eat a whole hamburger patty and all the toppings. I miss that. I understand that they fill you up and you don't get all the protein in that you need.....so you skip the toppings and I am missing those lately. I hate eating vitamins for my snacks, when I am not supposed to snack anyway! I was never one to eat 2 hamburgers or tons of fries or anything like that, but I am really mourning normal quantities and things that went together....I go to the store and shop like I have a normal stomach and then go around putting things back. I love the results of the surgery....that is not it. I suppose, this is just a mourning or grieving period. I have to be very careful in what I pick to eat because if it is not what I wanted, then my stomach is full and I just don't get to change and eat something else. I miss that! Like going to a buffet, you try new things and if you didn't like it, you just tried something else....That can't happen, with this....I am sure this is quite normal and if it's not, then I am acting like a freaking baby about it.....or crazy, either one, or both! I would think though, that many would feel this way.....
Maybe I am thinking more about all of this, because of this next issue......
I had forgotten that it was 40 years since I graduated from High School, until I got an invitation to a dinner next week and the ones in charge picked Spaghetti Warehouse!! They must be able to wear a cute belt and still look great....I have no idea what in the world I can eat there! It is stuff like this, that for some reason I am feeling sad about lately. I actually don't want to go because of that......As I said....I am tickled about the loss, but I think this part is so very hard to rise above at times..... I would do it again in a heart beat.....but I am just saying this is a very hard part of this process and am admitting that is is depressing at times. I was afraid to admit that I was feeling like this, because I thought people would think I was ungrateful for the surgery. My blood work shows I am healthier than I have been in years and I am so grateful for these reports, and that I live in a time that there is even a surgery like this available....... BUT I will beat the living crap out of the next person who says how easy this must be!!!
Sherry
Sherry,
Been there - lived that - sorry to say, even after a year, I still have moments where I mourn food and my ability to eat "all" that I want instead of what my new anatomy allows (which is still more than I actually "need".)
My emotions about eating are not as bad as they were the first six months, but I still have days where I really miss the comfort that I perceived from food. It's tough... just know that - yes - we have all had those feelings, and probably most of us still do. You are not alone.
I try to re-focus on all the positive things that have changed/will change and sometimes that helps me not think about what I'm "missing" out on with food.
If only Dr. Keller could work magic like Dr. Walton and cut out the brain part that carries my defective relationship with food, then this might truly be an easy road.
Keep your chin up - you're doing great. You have lots of folks here that can empathize. We'll all get through our issues by leaning on each other.
Have a great weekend!
John
Been there - lived that - sorry to say, even after a year, I still have moments where I mourn food and my ability to eat "all" that I want instead of what my new anatomy allows (which is still more than I actually "need".)
My emotions about eating are not as bad as they were the first six months, but I still have days where I really miss the comfort that I perceived from food. It's tough... just know that - yes - we have all had those feelings, and probably most of us still do. You are not alone.
I try to re-focus on all the positive things that have changed/will change and sometimes that helps me not think about what I'm "missing" out on with food.
If only Dr. Keller could work magic like Dr. Walton and cut out the brain part that carries my defective relationship with food, then this might truly be an easy road.
Keep your chin up - you're doing great. You have lots of folks here that can empathize. We'll all get through our issues by leaning on each other.
Have a great weekend!
John
I hear where your coming from. I'm only 5 weeks out (slow loser ) and there are times when I wish I could eat more or things I miss. My father is in town and he loves buffets. We went to Furrs Buffett ONLY because we got a coupon in the mail for one dinner at 3.99. I refuse to go to buffet and pay full price when I cant eat much. I normally just share a plate with my husband when we go out. I walked around several times and decided on a spoon of some kind of salad and two different kinds of fish. Eat one of the fish, salad and was full so sat and watch the others eat :( I agree with you, I would not give up my surgery for nothing but yes there are times when I think we are in morning and we just have to learn to deal with our new ways of eating, and morn just as if we were morning a loved one. So glad you came to the board to vent... thats what were here for
I FEEL YOUR PAIN!! I DON'T THINK IT WILL EVER GET ANY EASIER!! THE OTHER NIGHT I FIXED PIGS IN A BLANKET FOR MY HUSBAND AND AT THE TIME THAT I PLANNED THIS I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT ME NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT ONE OF THEM SO I HAD TO FIX ME SOMETHING ELSE. IT IS VERY HARD TO GET PAST YOUR BRAIN IN THIS MATTER BUT I'M SURE IT CAN BE DONE. BUT JUST NOT BY ME JUST YET. I FEEL THAT I HAVE TRANSFERRED MY FOOD ADDICTION TO OTHER THINGS LIKE SHOPPING AND TANNING. I GUESS I TRADED ONE BAD VISE FOR ANOTHER HUH? ANYWAY YOU HANG IN THERE AND WE WILL ALL WORK THRU THIS TOGETHER!
40 LBS LOST PRE-OP
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I started out being set on the lap band, until I went to the FREE seminar at Weight Wise in Edmond. After hearing Dr. Walton talk, I decided on the Sleeve. I needed something that allowed me at 57 to be able to take medications that I might need. This allowed that. I felt for me, it also offered fewer complications. I am so happy with my choice, though right now I am being a baby about some things..Ignore that please!! I would suggest to you, that you go to a seminar and learn about your options. It will help you make a decision that is right for you. I do have to add that insurance requirements may be an issue and most do not cover the sleeve at this time.
I wish you the best of luck with your choice and making the step to a healthier you!
Sherry
I wish you the best of luck with your choice and making the step to a healthier you!
Sherry
I would contact the Weight Wise Bariactric Center and see when their seminar. is. This will give you an idea of what to expect without having to commit to a doctor yet. Then find out who will take Medicaid. After you know what type of surgery you want, contact the doctor of choice and proceed from there.
Good luck!
Sherry
Good luck!
Sherry
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