Survival Guide

Hi, Everyone.
This is a post I "stole" from the new VSG support group. When I read it, I thought of some of you who are farther out than I am. Perhaps it will speak to you, as it spoke to me.
Blessings,
Mary

So, the days of the 30-pounds-a-month weight losses are behind you. Actually, the days of the 10 pounds a month might be behind you as well. You are fondly remembering when a mere tablespoon would do, when three bites were sufficient, when you walked around dressed like a bag lady because you were losing too fast for it to be worth it to buy new clothes when they wouldn’t fit in a week anyhow.

Remember those days?
I do.
They are gone.

What is worrying or scaring the pants off you is that you think you have SO much farther to go, and you feel your ‘window’ is quickly closing.

Allow me, please, to offer a little bit of my experience here, as this is the path I walked (or stomped--whatever) down too.

These are the things I took away from my experience, the only lessons I have to pass on. They are yours to apply or discount as you chose. They worked for me, but I am always hesitant to say “this is how you do" something. Use what works, and leave the rest behind.

1.) “How bad do I want that?"

    I have a sweet tooth. I have a bread tooth, too. Ah, heck…I have a food tooth.
    This has never been conducive to my weight loss. I KNOW I will blow up like a balloon in the thanksgiving day parade if I so much as look at bagel. And MAN do I love bagels.
But I know I can’t eat them.

Which, for some perverse reason, makes them seem all the more delicious.

I tried all sorts of tricks with this problem.

I tried denying the bagel, refusing to so much as consider having it.
I tried giving in to the bagel and then asking myself after a bite, “Is it really that good?" hoping my answer would be, “No, it isn’t."

Unfortunately, my answer was always, “You’re right it’s that good, baby!"

I tried rationalizing with myself, “Considering the extreme measure you took to lose weight, the removal of 85% of your stomach, is it really worth blowing that all into the water over a little dough?"

Sadly, again, my answer was always along the lines of, “But it’s so good."

Finally, the only thing that worked for me was something I heard once from a recovering alcoholic. It’s a baby step method.
I asked myself if I could not eat the bagel in the next ten minutes: Sure, no problem.
When ten minutes passed, I requested an hour from myself: Yeah, ok, I won’t eat it inside the next hour.
And then I asked myself to wait another hour.
And then another if I had to.
Finally, if I had not yet passed the craving, “Ok, you can eat the bagel tomorrow."

And by the next day, I’d just forgotten about it.

Just so you know--rarely did I have to push myself to wait the day. Usually, if I waited an hour, I’d already found something else to distract myself.


2.) “I miss eating."

I do. I admit it. I miss killing time with food, the way I’d miss killing time with cigarettes. It was a habit, an addiction, something I did to fill my days.
Maybe if I were a better example I’d tell you to join twenty clubs or walk every time you felt like eating.

But I’d rather just be honest:
The thing that has saved my life, and my sanity, comes down to a bag of sunflower seeds. You can’t cheat and get the ones already unshelled--you’re going to WORK for you mindless eating.

I don’t do chips, I don’t do cookies, I don’t eat crackers.

I eat sunflower seeds. I eat a about two bags of these bad boys a week. That’s 950 calories and an added 40g of protein a week.
It’s also less than a third of the damage I was doing before I switched to them. It adds up, and I swear I wouldn’t tell you to do it if it really didn’t make a major impact on me. It ended up saving me over 2,000 calories a week from what I was consuming between my meals.


3.) “50 does not discount 200."

    About a year and a half after my surgery, it dawned on me that I hadn’t lost weight in 4 months, and that I was still 50 over where the 'acceptable weight' line was drawn.
    I became very depressed about this for a good week and concluded that I was obviously a failure.

    And then I really thought about it…and I realized that in light of the two hundred pounds I had lost…was I really going to be disappointed with myself if I didn’t lose that fifty? Really? If this was as far as I got, if this was as good as I could get, was I going to hate myself for the rest of my life over it?

    No. Absolutely not.

I am not telling you to settle.
I am telling you to acknowledge, right now, what you have done: as of right now, how far you have come, how hard you have fought, and how much you have achieved.
If you did not lose another pound for the rest of your life, you should still be SO proud of who you are and what you accomplished.
   
I’m still the same size now as I was then. I am still a size 14.
The difference is, I’m just fine with that.
Actually, the difference is, I'm elated, ecstatic, and feel sexy as heck about that.

So this is the last piece of advice I am going to offer, and the most important:

4.) Fall in Love.

Yes, I’m about to spew woo-woo hippy nonsense…except I happen to strongly believe it: your real job during this process is NOT to lose weight or count calories or watch the numbers on the scale. That's part of it--but is not all of it.

Your real job is to fall completely in love with yourself.

You DID this, after all, because deep down, consciously or subconsciously, you wanted that. You wanted the peace, the security, and the assurance that comes with knowing who and what you are--and loving yourself for it.

So no more negative inner dialog.
No more quietly and ruthlessly berating yourself for every fault or slip up of self control. That’s finished.
That belonged to your old life.

In this life, you treat yourself as you would your best friend, as you would your ultimate soul mate.
Forgive yourself.
Praise yourself!
Praise your hips and your thighs and your stomach. Praise your smile and your crazy, out of control hair. Praise your feet and your fingers and mouth. Praise everything about your body. Praise your innate and unquestionable beauty.
You are the most perfect manifestation of yourself right now: You. Are. Perfect.

Do it every single day. Don’t ever go to sleep at night without looking yourself in the mirror and knowing your own worth as a human being, your kindness, your generosity, your humanity, your beauty.

Know your worth.

And the bottom line is, your worth cannot be calculated on a scale: It is infinite.

Zaftig-a-licious,
Abby Zaftig-a-licious since 2006!
 

Thanks Mary for posting this - A lot of what is said on this post hits right at home for me! I hope I am not at the end of the line here, but sometimes I wonder....and I have been asking myself lately is this is it, am I going to be ok with that - would I be happy with not losing another pound? The answer is no, but I am still very proud of what I have accomplished.

I think you look amazing, Anna, right this very minute...even with less than 50 lbs. to go. You should be proud of all you've accomplished, and I'm glad you recognize that. :)

Anna Banana - you are losing weight every month if not every week.  You are definitely not done losing!  My belly will some day go away and so will your butt!  And part of your success is inspiring us so don't forget to add that to your "pro" list!

Thanks Glitter...how are you feeling today?

Still puny but doing better.  This has been an evil bug, that's for sure.  I'm glad it's the weekend so I don't have to miss any more work!  Thanks for asking my friend!

Very good post, Mary.  BUT, praising myself and loving myself?  Gez, that is a BIG problem!  Not a good image of myself here, so that is darn near impossible.  Kind of like not even BEING ABLE TO POST A PICTURE (Mary).  Don't see the praising myself for quite a while, if ever. 

I don't ever want to hear this kind of talk again about MY MICHAEL MUFFIN!  I mean it!  Never again!  You are special to all of us and you are special to me.  Why wouldn't you praise yourself and love yourself?  You are doing an amazing job.  

Man, if you were close enough, I would slap you!  Ask PoliceKat - my cyber slaps are wicked!

So you got it?  No more belittling of my Muffin Man!

Especially as he looked so GOOD last night. He needs a new picture too.

Dearest Michael.
I know each of us has our issues. Yes, one of mine is avoiding the camera, but I don't see that lasting forever. You must find love for yourself, my friend. If you love others, then it comes from a love for yourself. It really does. I know you love others, for I have felt that from you, for myself, so it's there inside. Maybe it's just covered up with painful emotions. Find one thing you can honestly say to yourself, about yourself. Practice that until it feels right and good, and then find something else. If you can't think of anything, let your family and friends know. We'll come up with a list for you.
Blessings,
Mary