need to confess this

I need to get this out in the open.  I have been doing great with the exercise but am failing with my eating choices.  I am eating bad foods and on the verge of being a grazer I think.  What is wrong with me?  Why would I screw this up?  This has been going on for about a month with the exception of one week in which I followed one of Cowboy's diets.  And it did work wonders by the way until I fell off the wagon with a piece of chocolate cake.

I can't believe this but I am actually "going on a diet tomorrow".  Oh gosh.  How many times pre-op did I say those words before a Monday morning and I swore I would never have to do that again.  Wrong-o.  I guess I can see now why others say the did surgery on our stomachs but not our heads.  I guess I will have to fight the old habits for the rest of my life.

I will say that this feels different than before though.  I feel empowered to win.  Before it was a cycle of binge/diet/fail.  Now I really believe I can do this and am just mad at myself that I have wasted a month of my precious honeymoon period.  I have no doubt that I will pick myself up and do this the right way, I'm jsut irritated that I fell victim to the carb monster for this long before I got a grip.

If it were not for my sleeve I would have gained 20 lbs over the past few weeks.  Thank the Lord there is some restriction there even though I have sure been working hard at eating around it.

Okay so if you are still reading this rambling post....tomorrow I will get it together.  I have already made two salads with ham and cheese to take for lunches.   I am sticking with meat, veggies, and fruit from now on.  I have planned out my meals for the week so it will be easier to stay on track. 

Okay, thank you for the confession time.  I guess it really is good for the soul because I already feel like a ton has been lifted off of me.   Thanks for being there for me, you all are the only ones that really understand this stuff.

Sweet Amy, I'm amazed at your honesty. We've all been there, no matter how early out of, or how far out from, surgery. Yes, confession is good for the soul, and I like, especially, the verse that says, "Confess your faults one to another, that you may be healed." Now, the healing can come.
You're not beginning a "diet" tomorrow; you're beginning a lifestyle that will allow you to be healthy and get to your goal. Eat only that which will serve you well, for that's what you deserve.
Blessings,
Mary

Thanks sister!  I needed that reminder.  I am off to a great start today and feel very positive about things.

Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt (in many sizes along the way!)  Yes, confession is good for the soul.  Get back on the wagon!  You can do it!!

Thank you so much for the encouragement.  I really don't want to fail at this.

I so understand what your going through - I am there as well.  I have been at my goal, heck even below my goal, now I am up six pounds and terrified.  I know how scared you are, so am I.  We can get through this.  We are worth it.  Good luck. 

We can do this girl!!  6 lbs is not the end of the world at all.  But, I know what you are saying, that you need to get a grip before that 6 turns into 60.

Amy, thanks for having the courage to post this.  I haven't exactly been the poster child for good post-op habits lately.  I've figured out that some of my problem is that I still haven't entirely overcome my "bored" eating habits.  When I'm on the go, I do great, but then I blow it once I get the downtime.  Any idea what the trigger was for you?

Earl, I have been trying to figure this out.  Its not like I am hungry really, or having that bad of cravings.  Its like I am purposely trying to see how far I can push this.  Its like a rebellion or something.  I'm really not sure.  I know that the first of the year usually brings some issues relating to post tramatic stress (survivor of the 95 bombing) but that seems really far fetched to blame it on that.  I'm just not sure what or why I was doing that to myself.  But today I am off to a great start and plan to stay that way!

Stop beating yourself up and stop denying yourself everything that is "bad" for you. I've got news for you and this may come as a shock to you... IT'S OK TO HAVE CAKE! Stop feeling like a failure because you had a piece. Those feelings of guilt just lead you into a spiral of self destructive behaviors. My downfall used to be ice cream, now its cookies. If I don't let myself have a cookie every 3 or 4 days then I binge because I feel deprived. Some won't agree with me but this is what works for me. I can't be one of those hardcore 100% perfect post op diet people. I'll settle with being 80% perfect.

One thing I do to keep my cookie cravings in check is not having them in the house. OK, not completely true. I have a box of frozen cookie dough chubs that I have to bake. When I bake them, I bake 3. One for me, my hubby, and kiddo. If cake is your thing, have you thought about getting those mini microwave cakes? The chocolate raspberry is delish and only 150 calories! It's not ideal but its better than having a whole cake in the house.


Hugs and best of luck this week as you carb detox.