Surprise, Surprise...and a Vent!!!

Well folks...my DH told me yesterday evening that his Mom called him and at the end of their conversation she asked "has Debbie lost some weight?"  Duh....Not one time has she or my sister in laws mentioned my weight loss.  I didn't want to share with ALL the family when I made my decision so I guess I shouldn't expect any comments.  I was very particular about those I told.  I told my co-workers and boss of course and then my immediate family...not my Mom but my brothers and sisters.  I had their full support and didn't have to listen to any of those "I know someone who" stories.  As people ask me now what I have done I do share it with them.  But...come on now, if I know someone especially my daughter in law and she looses 170 pounds I would hope to goodness I would say something long before that time. 

My DH told his Mom that yes, I had worked really hard at it and he was proud of me.  She said well, I didn't know if I should say anything or not!!!  He told me that he said "of course you should say something to her".   Well, enough of that...got it off my mind and I knew my OH family would understand!!!!   At least she finally acknowleged it and since I had surgery almost a year ago I didn't think she would ever!!   I would hate to think that I was so unobservant.....

Well, I'm darn proud of you!  You rock!

Thank y ou Kim...You're rockin right along too...I LOVE your new avatar!!!

Not to be too crass, here, but - does the woman have vision problems? 

I didn't know you before you had surgery, but I've seen the pictures - good grief, the changes!!  How could she not notice? and if she did notice, how could she not think it was an incredible, wonderful, praise-worthy change you've made for yourself?

At any rate - Congratulations as always on the tremendous changes you've made through your own commitment to this amazing new way of life!

John

Thank you John...she is the way she is and has been ever since I've been married to her son and very critical at times.  I guess saying nothing is better than being critical...thus the reason I chose not to share my plans with any of that side of the family.  I've just learned from her the kind of mother-in-law I would NEVER want to be to my children's spouses.   I do appreciate your kind words and I did this all for me and not for her praises..... 

Deb

I am so sorry that she has made you feel this way. It is so sad that she is blind in many other ways besides site. I am happy that you are the strong woman you are and that you can see through it all. It is to be pitied in her.  Having people like that in our lives makes us better mothers with our children.
You look great! We all know it, no matter who doesn't notice it!
Hugs
Sherry

Thanks Sherry, unfortunately we do learn valuable things from this kind of stuff.  I've also learned what kind of grandma I don't want to be and that you should NEVER have "favorite" grandchildren no matter what!!!

AMEN to that one sister!  My father-in-law and step mother-in-law do not know I had surgery. I did not go visit them while I was in New York -- mostly because they did not come to their own grand son's weddings last year. I can't imagine not going to my grandshild's wedding! Anyway -- I did send them a picture holiday card and there was not one comment made.
My family on both sides is not worth poop right now!
I honestly believe a lot has to do with jealousy. A good friend wrote something to me after my incident in NY. I have been using it as my daily affirmation:

YOUR KIDS ARE YOUR KIDS REGARDLESS OF BIOLOGICAL, ADOPTED, OR BY MARRIAGE. REGARDLESS OF RACE, CREED, COUNTRY, OR SPECIAL NEEDS. IF THEY HAVE NOT ACCEPTED THEM THEY HAVE NOT ACCEPTED YOU. IT BECOMES THEIR LOSS AND NOT YOURS.

I think their acceptance (or jealousy) over our weight loss is the same thing.

Wow, you're friend sent you quite a quote!!!  It is so true.  At least most of us in our group recognize all of this and I believe it makes us stronger and know what is important in life....you can mess with me but...you'd better leave my kids and husband alone!!!  I think I'll print that off and put it above my desk!!!

Debbie,

I'm so proud of you for being so kind!  I know how it is with family....you can't choose your family....darn it.  A funny story along those same lines of people not noticing...when I had lost 210 lbs. before I started gaining back...Daddy was in the nursing home with advanced Alzheimer's Disease.  Anyway one evening I had stopped by there on my way home and helped him with his dinner.  He had never once, even before he'd gone into the nursing home, said anything about my weight loss, but he was always free with the comments about how big I was.  Anyway, I've lost around 200 lbs. at that time and he looked at me and said, "I never knew your hair was that red!"  I must have had the funniest look on my face.  I thought Hell Daddy!  I've completely changed my body and you see a difference in my hair!  LOL  I still get a good laugh out of that one.  

I'm glad you've learned what not to be to your in-laws....I've learned the same thing from watching my mother's daughter-in-law....how not to treat my in-laws if I ever have any.

We're proud of you, and I hope we tell you!
Hugs,
Marsha