OT but in MUCH need of support

I got home from New York last evening. I think it was Kim who when I mentioned my sister's thoughts on wedding dresses said that Bridezilla was alive and living in NY. She was so right and that much more! The majority of the week was busy and tiring. My DIL and grandson were with me and we had fun together too -- shopping and visiting the Aquarium while my family was at work. Then it happened -- Saturday evening turned UGLY. I just could not hold back anymore. My sister kept asking my opinion and then would do the exact opposite -- usually because it was whast one of my cousins wanted. You should see the dress she picked out (my cousin). It is HIDEOUS and NOT made to be worn by mature women (the other girls are all in their 40's and I will be 50 in 2 months). To make a long story short -- the things that were said to me were very hurtful and can't be unsaid and their is no apology that could fix it either. I was told I was no longer family. I am not sure how to move on from this point and I am so sad right now.

Nancy,
My mother, sister and I went on a cruise a few years ago. It was the worst experience of my life...They are very close and I was the out cast. After putting up with their games of ditchum of Sherry and the rude comments and smart ass crap from the both of them...I was done. I was told my whole family hated me and that she was going to call all of my brothes and sisters to tell them I was rude to my mother and on and on and on.....I was told I was never liked by any of them....my mom sat there and never said a word to deny any of it and interjected her comments off and on also. This was not the first time this type of thing has happened.  I couldn't deal with the pain any more and like you, many comments could never be unsaid. The worst was that we had an 8 hour drive back in MY car! I wanted to leave them both there.

We didn't speak for a year and I didn't care if I ever did....I did what I was supposed to do, like send mom holiday cards with just my name on them....but nothing to my sister. Finally one day I got an email with an apology and a wish to work through it. I stood my ground about the issues and it has finally begun to work itself out. It was a very painful, hurtful time in my life, but it taught me many things.....The thing is, I honestly think I would have been ok never speaking to either of them again.....even if they were family, the way I was treated was unexcusable! The names I was called were amazing and cut deep.  It is very hard to move on, but you can distance yourself to see if you can heal from it...It could take years. The one thing that my sister said when she apologized was that she couldn't stand it if anything happened to me and we hadn't cleared this up....so we talked it out in an email....in person I would have ripped her hair out!!  Time can heal things, but not always.   I pray this will all settle down soon and that you are able to reach a decision on what to do... I know it's hard right now, I cried nearly every day for a few months....But I do know that I will never go on anywhere with those 2 again....It has and always does become the Pack mentality with them and they both gang up....and attack. NEVER will I put myself in that postion again.  Use this time to evaluate what is important in that relationship and what isn't.
I wish I could help....but I can pray.
Hugs
Sherry

I am so sorry to hear about this.  You would think "mature" women could get through something like this but "bridezillas" are alive and well aren't they?  I'm sorry that hurtful things were said to you.  I know that it's hard but I hope she can remember "family" is important.  Hopefully after a little time passes your sister will realize the damage that has been done and will try to make an effort to apologize.  It seems it's always "stupid" petty things that causes rifts in family....but it is still family.  One opinion of "you no longer being family" does not make it so and you know that.  Even if you cannot reconcile with your sister and be in or attend the wedding you KNOW that family is family and none of this was your doing.  (((hugs)))  

Unfortunately, it was my DAD who told me I was no longer family. They both told me my family could not stay with them for the wedding (they have a very large house and plenty of room) and my youngest son and his wife are not welcome at all. I told them I would not come back without all of my family and that is the point that my dad told me that if I did not come I was out of the family. He feels he is defending his "child", but so am I! There is SO much more that was said (mostly by him and my sister) -- Did I tell you she is 46, has always lived at home, and plans to still after getting married? Get the picture?
My dad and sister are both stubborn and will never apologize. I also don't believe there is any way they could as it was just that bad.
I am doing my best to get through the day but if one more person asks me how my trip went I might just scream!

I am so sorry Nancy.  I would be just like you though.  You can mess with me but not my husband or kids.  I'm a big girl but leave them alone.  I wouldn't attend if they were not welcome either.  I'm so sorry you're going through this.  (((HUGS)))  Sounds like your sister is the one *****ally has the problem and is pretty much milking Dad.  I can't even begin to understand a 46 year old never having lived on their own.  I guess she's been pretty spoiled.  Nancy, you just have to remember you have a wonderful husband, kids, daughter-in-law who all love you.  Take care and just answer "ok" when someone asks and then you won't have to go into it all.  I'm praying for you and hope something works out and they see where they have greatly wronged you in all of this.

(((((((Hugs)))))))  That is all I can do as I have never dealt with a sister situation, me and my brother we dont dislike each other but we arent buddies either. But I hope that you can all come to a conclusion that doesn't hurt any of you more.

Nancy, I am so sorry. It always seems weddings and funerals bring out the worst in people. My wedding day turned ugly with my best friend. Some people just don't know how to act. I wish I could say or doing something to make you feel better. You are worth so much more than the stress and ugliness they dished out. they will regret what they have done. You are such a bigger person to take the high road. Prayers are going your way. keep your chin up. We love you.
Emily

Nancy, I am really sorry.  I pray that your Heavenly Father, who never leaves you or forsakes you, will comfort you and show you His love which is far better than anything our earthly father's can give us.  You are such a special lady and I hate that they have hurt you this way.  -Amy

I am sorry-that is so sad.  There really is nothing you can do, except wait and see what time brings.  If my entire household was not welcome, I would not attend either.  There are just certain lines in the sand that should not be drawn.

The whole "command performance" wedding thing kind of leaves me cold anyway, family, friends or otherwise.  For me, marriage is a private thing between two people, and the celebration of it should be just that-a celebration of close friends and family who truly want to be there.  There is no way I'd spend thousands of dollars to fly my family somewhere that I didn't want to be just to appease someone's sensibilities.  There is no way I'd shell out big bucks for a dress that I hated to be in someone else's show either.  It's just not that big of an honor to me...(I can barely stand it if I like the dress and the person, but that's another story).

Your absence will give Bridezilla one more thing to moan and carry on about-and that's about the only wedding gift she'd be getting from ME.  I do tolerate more from family, due to history, etc, but there is a limit even for family.  I would be more than willing to forgive, but would not go seeking the apology or hold my breath for one to come my way. 

 

Nancy, I am so sorry.  I don't know why family will speak more harshly to other family members than they would to strangers.  It should be the other way around.  I understand the hurt associated with hateful words being spoken to you by a parent.  I would, personally, stand my ground and not attend the wedding if my son and his wife werent' welome.  Plan a fun activity for YOUR family during the time of the wedding and make happy memories with the family that YOU created with your husband.  With the money you save on air fare (and not buying a horrible dress!) you could take one heck of a fun vacation.