I just want to SCREAM....and its LONG

I need to seriously vent hence the title, OMG where do I begin. First please do not take what I am about to say seriously well don’t take most of it seriously I am just REALLY pissed. Okay so I feel like crap and yeah I am pissed about that, I want to hit the people that say Oh, I had no pain nothing personal just that I am and right now I don’t like you. (you know I still love you guys just Flipping jealous) the people that said I went into the hospital with 6 medications I left with 2. You know what I want to hit you too I came in with ZERO none notta nothing and I currently am taking 4, 5 if you count the nights I need a pain pill b/c I am in tears. Did you know how much medications are, WOW???? I have insurance but I have to pay the cash price and then in 7-10 days I get a check back. In one month I have spent over 650 on damn meds. Seriously I am like what do people do who are on a fixed income are you serious. Mail order has now become my friend 115 that’s all my meds for 3 months plus faster shipping cost. YEAH…..Okay I feel better now at least with that issue.   So I feel like crap and I don’t think anyone is taking me seriously. Again it could be me, but if I say I am in pain and I hurt if one more damn person ask me is it pain or pressure I am going to slap them. Not kidding one more person, I know the difference. I have pressure in my back my gut hurts thats pain and my chest has pressure and pain. It feels like my heart is about to explode out of my damn chest. I know the difference. Before surgery I so had no pain tolerance I do now, which yeah I REALLY am not liking that. When I say I am hungry do not tell me it is head hungry. I counted all the calories I take in a day a whole 225, I am 9 weeks post op, it is not head hungry I am hungry. I want food, now I could try to eat but as my doc gave me this look like try it if you want too but don’t call me when you get sick. So needless to say I have not eaten. GRRRR…..I know if I could just eat my head would stop hurting and maybe just maybe I would stop being such a *****   I am taking my meds and following what my dietitian and surgeon are telling me to a T, but are you serious. If it takes 6-8 weeks for an ulcer to heal, and I am 5 weeks out I should be feeling better right? I shouldn’t sit up and be in pain NOT pressure at night. I should not have what I think is blood but not sure in my stool and when I spit up. My stomach is SO upset that I do not get 64oz in b/c when I try to I get sick. GRRRR…im like look this is so irritating, this is going to be a shocker my doctor is a man right? Which means he is suppose to be able to fix any and everything with a butter knife and duck tape. He is a surgeon so he should be able to fix everything with the knife thingy they use and that glue crap. (I swear I am educated, you like how I used thingy and crap, nice huh?)   I just want to feel better I do not want to see my doctors office that damn often. I want to be normal, I do not regret having the surgery but man seriously I do not know how much more I can take. I am so tried and cranky and just a ***** to everyone, maybe I am depressed or maybe I am just GRRRR…..I just wish someone would take me seriously and fix it already.   Thank you for reading this LONG post but just writing it makes me feel SO much better.

Ok...let me start with this...WOW!! I am so sorry for what you are going through....I am so glad you posted this though! It honestly isn't much help for you, but for me it helps to know it isn't all wonderful and pain free afterwards....I don't want to go in expecting it to all be easy and whip in and out....I'm on 17 different pills so maybe I will cut some out.....I am hoping so but sweetie I am just so sorry you are in so much pain. I wish I could say it gets better but what the heck do I know...I haven't even had mine yet! I just know I care about the fact that you are so frustrated and in hurting so much....I'll just pray really hard that the doctor will at least listen to what is going on with you to find out what it is....
I'm sorry!
I'm sure others will chime in with thoughts that are better than mine....but know I care ok?

hey thanks guys i just needed to vent and PLEASE dont take what is happening to me as the rule. To be honest it just doesnt happen that often if ever I think I just wanted to be special. Seriously just writing it I was like awwww I feel SO much better. thanks for the kind words and Dr. Walton is awesome hes listening but I am really not patient.

Looks at her hands carefully for knives before darting in to give her a much deserved hug .

I'm pretty sure there are no words I could say that would make your pain any less.  However, I am truly sorry you are having such a tough time.  (((((Huge Hugs)))))

I pray that you'll find light at the end of this tunnel very soon!

HIJACK

Teri What agreat looking new avatar you are surely melting.

Stephanie,

I know a little of what you are feeling.  I came home from the hospital a day earlier than anticipated, I didn't have that much pain after the surgery, was driving on Friday after my surgery on Monday, felt great until the second weekend....then it all went downhill from there.  I took a bite of food and boom, threw up for an entire day.  Didn't call the doctor because I thought it was normal, I had been on liquids for weeks, so I just wasn't ready for food.  Just kept throwing up, everytime I ate.  Finally when I would drink, I would throw up, and it took a really, really, bad episode at work one day to make me call Dr. Walton.  He told me to get to the hospital as early as possible the next morning, they did an EGD and found I had a stricture and to top that off, I was severely dehydrated.  Now wait a minute....I wasn't suppose to have these complications.  I've never had complications from any surgery (not that I've had that many mind you) but this wasn't in my plans.  So I got the EGD, they stretched my stricture as much as they could, being that I was only 3 weeks out of surgery, gave me four bags of fluids, and a lot of other stuff to drink, then sent me home.  I felt so much better the next day I thought I had it kicked.  Skip two days in the week, oops I'm throwing up again.  I feel bad again, I have no energy.  I went to my mother's house on Sunday and had indigestion so badly I couldn't sit down, lie down, or walk around.  I was miserable.  I finally called Dr. Walton on Sunday, hated doing that, but he was VERY sweet about it.  I went in last Monday for another EGD, and since Dr. Walton was out, Dr. Broussard did the EGD. He was great too.  I feel so fortunate to have a team of doctors taking care of me.  Anyway while he was in, he stretched the stricture again, and found an ulcer.  So, like you, I came home with a bag of meds which were very expensive.  Not to mention that it started freezing over while we were in Edmond on Monday and it took 3 hours to get from Edmond to Norman, and another 2 1/2 hours home.  We'd barely left the hospital, when I started having horrible pain.  Pain that was worse than when I got out of surgery.  I have a high pain tolerance, but I was miserable.  Then my shoulders started having shooting pains from the gas, I don't think I have ever been so miserable.  If childbirth is that bad, I don't want it.  :)  I went to work on Tuesday bent over because I couldn't straighten up and stand up.  My wonderful teacher's aide taught my classes that day and let me sit in my office with my head down all day. 
I was back in Edmond yesterday to see Dr. Walton and Summer and when I told him about that pain he was surprised.  It is gone now, but I still have some pain in my shoulders.  I slept in the recliner two nights because it hurt so bad to lie down flat.  

So girlfriend, I feel your pain.  I am so sorry you are going through this, and yours is much worse than mine.  I hope you feel better in a hurry, because I know you're miserable.  I hold my breath each time I take a bite, wondering if this is going to be the one that starts me throwing up again.  One of my good friends asked me the other day if I regret the surgery, no I don't, but I sure want to feel better and get my energy level back up.  

Good luck sister!  Take care of yourself, and take those meds. 

Hugs,
Marsha

Steph....

I shall drink a bit of rum just for you...  i hope you feel it's numbing effects shortly...and if you don't then i think i will....or something like that...because at least you get a check back...me and a lot of others will continue to get no check....

but at least you know we're thinking about you...and always will hope your pain goes away kinda thing...   you can always try to do that whole "criss-cross applesauce" kinda sitting and thinking about heavy thoughts and stuff....but you know...  nothing is as good as just some sleep to feel better...  or watch one of those kid exploitation thing where the 5 year olds are knitting rugs....at least we're doing ok versus those kids...

wow...what a thought...i just go this nice hand stiched rug....  man that kid's got talent!  Now go smile...before I have more run with your name on it....

T.

Girl, I am so, so sorry that this is still going on.  I just don't know what to say and I am NEVER at a loss for words.  Please keep after this until you get a resolution and feel better.  It is NOT supposed to be like this.

On a positive note, I want you to know that I think you are just the cutest thing.  Your personality is bubbly and optimistic even when you're in the middle of a rant.

Hang in there.  Eventually you will feel better.

PS  How's you scarf? 

Steph:

((((HUGE HUGS))))  Girl, you have been through it!!  It is OKAY to vent - vent - and vent some more.....that is what we are here for.  You are definitely on the "other" side of the norm (I would say NORMAL but we both know that would be pushing things for YOU!).  Seriously kidding there - but hopefully it made you smile and didn't cause pain.

You know most of my story - and yes it takes a while for the ulcer to heal - should you be in "pain" - probably not - although I am on my 3rd round of this re-occurring ulcer thing and this time is completely different so who am I to tell you what is what.  Me = PAIN at this point as well.  I am getting ready to go in for a CT Scan myself to see why the pain and tenderness - hate it - but understand that I am going to have issues based on my previous history now as well.

So, do I have anything good to say to you?  Probably not, just know that I trust Dr W and Dr B so much with my care - I know you do to but when every little thing is a set back it can really wear on that trust.  I know....  but yes you should ALWAYS ask questions and push for the care you need.  Dr W and Dr B understand that.  Yes it is silly to keep hearing the same questions Pain vs Pressure..yada yada...  but if they don't ask then they won't know if something has changed either.

Hang in there!!  You know we are all standing beside you!   If you need my cell, leave me a PM and I'll send it to you.  Dr W and Brandy have it as well - since they have been on and off the phone with me all week too.. I'm laughing...NOT...

We love you....  Ruth