What is best support to offer?

As a close friend of a WLS [May 2008] patient, I am often baffled as to the best support to offer. I am perhaps the only person who knows and cares about the outcome of the surgery. I care very much for this person and do want the best outcome but know I get too caring for comfort. For my part, I make an effort to cook or get meals that are on the plan. I listen carefully if emotionally issues are shared--not too often do these come out. I work at giving reminders of liquids, vitamins, exercise, etc. using myself as an example (only because I am trying to take care of myself better). Can I get some input on what is the most appropriate responses, gestures, or acts of support that won't cause offense or be considered meddling? Angel_Di

Just back off and let her come to you. If you are close she will. Alot of time we feel like we are being watched like a bug over everything as it is so misunderstood. If she falls off the wagon or is sick or just having a bad day simply be there to listen when she is ready. For most this is a very private thing and we each handle it our own way. Me I have told teh world but there is others who tell no one. I would let her know you are there if she wants to talk or if she wants a buddy to go to meetings then leave it in her hands unless you notice a change that really concerns you then ask. Don't make all you tine together about the surgery make it about the same thingsn you talked about before. Introduce her to OH and maybe she will feel more sharing with strangers who have been there done that please don't take that wrong but alot of time it is not something you can truly understand unless you have been there. But please kn0w that to me the fact you care enogh to try and find out means alot and I am sure it does to her as well.  

My only piece of advise- don't be the food police.  I don't anyone analyzing my every morsel of food.  I don't always make the best choices and don't want anyone commenting on it.  Your friend will ask for help when/if they need it.  I am certain this person knows you care and are there for them.  That is the best thing you can do- be available.

You should know....  and this may come as a shock to you, but some people, (like me), are not compliant with some methods......  I am OCD... on purpose....  I'm very good when I feel the need to pull myself up by the boot straps an buckle down to correct my bad habits, and then on the other side, I'm the devil in disguise....and I likey chocolate and a hint of rum.... 

However....there are people who stepped in and said things that weren't comfortable to me along the way.  I respected them enough to listen because they had been in the system longer than I had and they proved correct in their previous assertions about how they cared for me.  So did I listen?  yep.....   did I need the push in the right direction? yep....  do I love those ladies who pushed me? yep....   It's not easy to love a guy who is stubborn, but they did...  tough love does work on some people...it just depends on who they are and if they are open to ideas that come from others.

You see, I think of it as a different approach....they acted lke they were *****ing and griping, but ultimately, they were giving me the love I needed.  One of my core beliefs is you must give love to get love in return......  if someone offers you anything different, then give them a dose of it in return......

Obviously I'm not the norm....however I like being the exception to the rule....maybe your friend might too.....who knows...just knowing she's got a good friend like you, who cares about her, is a great start...

See ya...

T.

It's already been said, but be there, be available and pretty much be quiet about everything else unless he/she brings it up.  

I know that for me, I had a very caring meddler-who actually didn't know squat about the lap band or WLS and the "help" was less than helpful.  Sometimes people get so wrapped up in wanting to be supportive, it feels like they are trying to take control of the process.  In many ways, this is a solo and personal process, food decisions and vitamin decisions are ultimately the choice of the individual.  Too much help can actuall disempower a person rather than empower them.

For me, the one thing I didn't hear that I would have liked to hear was "I love you NOW" not when you get to a goal.  Sometimes, without meaning to, the entire focus for everyone can switch to that goal, and we lose a lot of great opportunities for the now part of life. 

Angel_Di...back off and let her deal with her journey..its her journey....
I have friends that would ask me everyday are you???did you??? and what did it do...I finally said to them in my blunt way back off this is my journey not yours. instead of being my guard BACK OFF. I know what I am suppose to do and when I am suppose to do.
You want to support her then be a friend not a nag....Dont give advice unless she asks...dont fuss or criticize...if she is in need she will come to ya...
and one last thing...
Start enjoying your weight loss.....

I am thankful for everyone's input.  I will keep these replies in mind.