OT..my sister and her pity party

I'm sorry your sister wasn't there for you or your mother, when she was needed. I would venture to guess that if each of us got what we deserved, none of us would be here today. I've not lost many close family members, just my mom (from cancer). When I was sitting at her Homegoing ceremony, I found myself thinking back over my years with my mom, and it was of amazing comfort to me that I had no regrets. I could not remember one mean word said to or about her, etc., and I'm no angel. I loved her, and I accepted her as she was. I guess that's unconditional love.
With much love behind these words, Pattye, I would encourage you to try to come to the place where you can forgive your sister for not being there for your mom, not being there for you, and for not being the kind of person/patient you think she should be. The bitterness will eat at you, my friend, and the longer it's allowed to fester, the harder it will be to take care of.
When I suffered from extreme depression, every once in a while I'd call my younger sister. Here, I thought I was acting like everything was fine, but just recently, my sister told me that she used to cringe when she'd see, on the caller ID, that it was me. I had no idea, and it makes me so sad. I can't go back and change it, though. Perhaps your sister can't see how she comes across, either. I don't know. Maybe I just want to give people the benefit of a doubt. In the end, the only thing that matters is that we do the right thing, because the only one we can control is ourselves.

My dear friend I forgave her years ago..if I didnt I would never been able to be where I am today. I found that in my heart the day I looked into my Mother's eyes for the last time.
I truly think that she is unable to forgive herself.

Oh, I'm so glad to know that, Pattye. You're probably right, about your sister being unable to forgive herself. How sad that must be. Maybe some day you can broach the topic with her and help her to come to a place of forgiveness for herself. She can still make amends with you, if she will, and that would be very healing for her. Anyone can change, for sure.

Well said.

As Mary rightfully pointed out, the C word does strike fear - I lost both my parents to cancer and I know that fear very well. Your sister may not be suffering physically, although, we really don't know that, but deep down, she is petrified - this may very well be her cry for help.

Anna as I replied back to Mary I know the fear...its more like she wants attention..she tells everyone that she had lung surgery and when she does not get the oh I am so sorry she the pours it on...
I wanted to be there for her but like her daughters have said she makes it impossible to be around her...

Cancer can scare  but there is a point where it gets kinda old but she is still your sister so maybe Mary suggestion will help.

I can see where you are coming from Patti. I'm so sorry...There honestly does come a time when you just have to say.....I'm done! I'm done being the one who always understands and helps and does things, while the rest of the family just ignores the needs and makes excuses as to why they can't cope....I'm sorry guys but they are just that EXCUSES and they get away with them over and over until you finally put your foot down tell them you are done! I also have a very strange egotistical mother and two sisters also......Actually we are all pretty dysfunctional people....Mom thinks she should be celebrated (that's her words) I tell her I am lucky to be tolerated lately.  We all have issues, BUT I allowed a man to walk over me for 42 years and I am not allowing anyone else to do it....Sure I know that forgiveness is important, but so is kindness, compassion and all the other stuff. I do not think forgiveness means allow people to walk over you the rest of your life.....I don't think forgiveness means I have to tolerate negative nanny's all the time. Call me cold hearted, but I totally understand where you are with this Patti....I agree with you....it's time to back off from her for now....
I could tell you the trama's my sisters have caused but then it's not worth the time to read...Le't just say we are all different and that sure makes life interesting!
I will say, I am so sorry Patti. You have been to heck and back with all of this....You are not superwoman so let some of it go...Don't answer for awhile, you don't have to listen to her if you don't answer....
Man, you make my life sure look good!! I am just so sorry....

Wow I never thought someone would say that to me..LOL
She has always been the drama one... Her 4 marriages have proven that..what is so weird to me is that she has never once gotten upset that her dear hubby didnt stay home from work to be with her...He came in the day after she had surgery and left the day after she came home.
The funniest part to me is she is always poor mouthing me.she knows I have tons of fabric and now wants me to bring some to make a baby quilt for a shower she is attending...
She is going to BLOW a gasket when she finds out that I am not staying there the whole time.....

Does she want you to make the blanket while you are there??? Tell her you can't bring fabric as it will put you over the weight limit on the plane! End of story! LOL You sound just like me...in that you do stuff and get so mad at yourself for not being able to stand up and say NO!!  You are probably packing material as I type this! LOL
This gal sounds like my sister!!! OHHHHHHHHH the stories I could tell you! LOL
It sounds like you will have a wonderful time...Just remember this....We are all so human and I think Jesus was sent here because we are....He knows we won't ever be perfect. If we could achieve that, then why would he have had to die and rise again???I personally keep Him very busy trying to help me with all my issues! 
 Go this time and enjoy yourself....don't get caught up in the drama....It may be hard, but just go take a nap, or a walk or just say nope....I'm on vacation!
I personally can't wait until you start reporting about your trip! LOLOLOL
Let her blow her gasket! Maybe it will be good for both of you!