My first negative comments from friends

Well, I knew it was bound to happen, but it came from someone I never expected to make them.  I have a friend that I taught with at my old school who had lapband.  She was actually the one who gave me the name of the plastic surgeon who did my panni.  Another friend told me she ran in to her at a basketball game and she told her that I'd had RNY.  This friend who had lapband, told her that I shouldn't have had this kind of surgery, I should have had lapband.  Now, I never one time gave her any negative comments about having lapband, I supported her with everything I had when she had it.  Why does she have to be negative.....I expected it from some of my friends and current co-workers, just not her I guess.  

I know I shouldn't let these things get to me, but it just ****** me off for people to talk negative about someone else.  I don't get angry very often, but right now I'm pretty darned angry.  

marsha,

just know this....you're so much cooler than her just because you chose to do what you wanted to do....  you're an individual and you can make the choice for yourself.  you heard the options, you evaluated those options and made the decision you wanted.  I think she hates to know you got something that will help you lose easier than her...

Some people just can't be happy and must derive their happiness from the misery of others.   i know people like those....the best you can do is pray that God accepts their soul in hopes tha the next time they come back they can live out those decisions to have someone be mean to them instead...

or if ya want, i can always ask the BigMan to hit them with a bus, but not kill them...  either way, you got me on your side...  I'm good with a baseball bat....might take me a while to get there though...hehe.....  no worries, just smile at her and feel the pounds melt off you...  We think you're beautiful...

T.

Marsha~  I'm so sorry to hear that friend of your's was being negative to you about your RNY.  You are probably a lot nicer than me because I would have come back with a catty remark or 3 at her.  I heard positive comments from friends after my RNY, but the slough of negative comments came pouring from people, as well, and they seemed to come from some of the most unexpected mouths.  I understand and empathize with everything you're going through feeling over this.  We all think you're wonderful and beautiful around this neck of the woods so keep your head up!  You DID do the right thing by having the RNY~ It was the right choice for YOU and YOUR needs!  *hugs*

~ Renae

PS  I also must say that T said things very well in his post also ~ Bravo!  I agree with him!

My opinion?  She is a narrow-minded, ill-informed, mean spirited wench!

But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong!  

Maybe she is jealous? While not always, losing with lapband is slower than RNY. Is she jealous that you are losing faster than she did? I had one coworker who was very negative at first. She finally admitted she was jealous of my ability to lose weight while she struggled. Of course, she is the one person in my office who does NOT need to lose weight but is always dieting.

You are all so sweet!  I wish I didn't let things get to me like that.  I almost want to be mad at the one friend who told me all of this.  She has been very supportive of me through all of my weight loss, but she could have kept that little tidbit to herself.  The other woman chose lapband because she didn't have as much to lose, she's done great, she's a beautiful woman...however she can be very catty at times.  I've always overlooked it.  Lapband was the right decision for her, RNY was the right decision for me.  I haven't hidden my surgery from anyone.  Now I almost wish I had. I guess maybe some of my insecurities are trying to raise their ugly heads.

You are all the best cheerleaders a girl needs!  Thanks so much!

Hugs,
Marsha

In my experience some people are so sold on their particular surgery that they believe it is the ONLY choice.  I have seen fights on the boards over my surgery can kick your surgery's butt too many times.  Maybe she is one of those folks.  I wouldn't let her poorly informed opinion rain on my parade.  You are doing great!  Keep up the good work.

I had some insight the other day-it's not just surgery types-it's everything in general I think.  People want you to do what they do.  When I was riding at Draper, one of the people asked me where I took lessons and what kind, I told her and she said "Why would you want to ride English?  I'm sure you can take Western Lessons here......." and I just said "thank you"....but I saved that nugget for later thought-not the lessons, but the fact that it's not just surgery types people offer opinions on.

AND-just like THEY are sensitive and want to believe THEIRS is the best, so are we-so we take those comments harder than we need to-at least I did for a long time.

Another example is dogs.  Ask someone what kind of dog you should get-and they'll tell you exactly the kind of dog THEY want-even if their lifestyle is completely different from yours.  It's a hoot.

I'm sure you could get an argument out of somebody concerning the right type of toilet paper or the proper amount of squares you SHOULD USE to wipe your bum.  It's just not worth arguing over.

And, on a kinder note-sometimes that's all people have to offer to the conversation, so that's what they contribute.  Just recognize that that's all it is, talking, and move on. 

You sure can find people who would argue about what kind of TP you 'should' use. My SIL actually made some really catty remarks about my choice last year when my father died. It didn't turn into an argument since I let it slide - at first I was shocked and then I considered her background.  :(    Now I just think it hilarious!  lol

Jerri

Hi, Marsha.
I'm sorry for the upset you're experiencing. You've gotten valid "takes" on this, through the other replies. One thing I thought of, though, is that perhaps she was shocked that you would need RNY surgery, because she didn't see you as being heavy enough to go that route. Perhaps she thought that, as in her situation, the lap band would have been the easier-on-your-body choice. Now, I'm not saying any of that is valid, but I would encourage you not to assume negative intent on her part.
If you want to and can, talk to her. If you don't want to or can't, let it go. Life's too short to be constantly upset. I know this all too well.
Blessings,
Mary