weird feelings about the opposite sex noticing me

Okay, this is probably going to be a weird rambling post.  I'm having conflicting feelings about men noticing me.  I have noticed that men are nice to me suddenly.  Now, don't get me wrong, I don't look hot or anything so its not that I think I'm all that.  BUT...before men acted like I didn't exist and that was fine with me. But lately men hold the door for me and give me that nod thing and want to talk to me.  Men I haven't seen in a while are all touchy with me when they see me, like hugging me and stuff.

I had a guy trying to visit with me in the grocery store a couple of weeks ago and then last week another guy kept talking to me at Chilis waiting for our takeout orders.  Its not that I think they are trying to pick me up...although that has actually happened once now.  But, ,its just weird that I am suddenly now "okay to talk to" or something. 

Okay, so this should be great, right?  Instead it ****** me off really.  Sorry, can I say that or is it a bad word?!  Anyway, am I the only one that feels a tad bit mad that I am the same person but only because I am slimmer that I am someone worthy of being paid attention to?  

What about you guys, does it make you mad that ladies now want to go out with you and before they didn't give you the time of day?  I mean obviously its nice and enjoyable to have the attention..but deep down instead do you wonder if they would be noticing you at all before the weight loss?  Okay, sorry for the long ramble but I did warn you! LOL!  Thanks for letting me vent.  -Amy

Amy,

I totally agree with you.  When I lost the weight before I was smaller than anyone in my extremely small hometown in SE Oklahoma had ever seen me.  All of a sudden there were guys taking notice of me who wouldn't have spit on me if I'd been on fire before.  One of them even went so far as to ask me out....I turned him down with a smile.  If he didn't like me when I was big, I didn't have time for him now.  I felt different about men that I didn't know, that didn't bother me, but those from my hometown and surrounding area who all of a sudden took notice....who has the time?!  I don't. 

Hugs,
Marsha

Funny you should ask that Amy... One of my closest friends and I had this exact conversation. I feel the same way that Marsha does. I have never been one to have weight stand in the way of my confidence about the way men should treat me or feel about me. I think if they didn't know you before, I don't see anything wrong with them treating you with the respect you deserve. Now for those who know you, they should know you are a wonderful, amazing woman no matter what size you are now or at any time. And lady, you hold your head high and demand respect from any man that you encounter. You deserve the best!!! 

You got it sister!  I do love the new confidence I have and I will be holding my head up high....because it makes me turkey neck look better..he he!!!

You know, its the ones that knew before that really get me come to think of it!  I had a guy who had not seen me in ten years go on and on about how great I looked, giving me hugs and all this. He never gave me the time of day before. It really got under my skin but doesn't bother me so much when I didn't know the person before.

Not to minimize your feelings- which are very valid BUT- send those men my way!!!  I am looking for a good man!

I get more attention from both sexes now that I am no longer fat and invisible.  I think it stinks but I am enjoying being a visible member of society now.

I agree, I enjoy being noticed now but deep inside I think about it every now and then and it does stink that we didn't count in society before hand.  Oh well.  And yes, I am on the look out for a good guy that we can hook you up with!

I understand how you feel. I think the difference is not all about the weight its about our confidence now....

Hi, Amy.
I totally understand, and (I'm going to be very real here) it's doubly hard when it's your own husband. I love my husband. We've been married 31 1/2 years, but as my weight climbed, sex diminished. It was the time that my memory returned about my rape, etc., so I had all of that to deal with, too. I know that he didn't want to make things difficult for me. Later, when I asked him, he was honest and said that he wasn't attracted to me anymore. He loved me, but he wasn't attracted to me physically.
I was devastated. I had asked him to be honest, and he was, but still, it was so hard to hear. I didn't blame him, as I could barely stand to look at myself, and yet, it felt almost like a moral failing on his part. Silly, I know. He's a man, and men are visual beings.
While I had WLS for me, I told myself that one of the reasons I was doing this was to be attractive to my husband, once more. However, even though I wouldn't tell him this, and I try extremely hard not to show it, when he now pays some attention to me (kisses me, pats my shoulder, puts his arm around me), I just want to scream, "I'm the same person! Why now am I worth your attention?"
Part of the change on his part, to a more demonstrative husband, happened after I was hospitalized mid-June. He knew I nearly died, and it shook him up. Even though he was more attentive, the physical attention has happened since WLS. It's like he knows that he'd better start something physical, if he wants to have sex again, in the future.
I can't even go there, and it feels so terrible. I feel like a terrible wife. I talked to my therapist about it a few days ago. He tells me that I want my husband to be more like a woman, just like men want women to be more like men, but it's not going to happen. He also told me to look at Chris not as the saint I think he should be (and have thought of him as, for years) but as the husband I ignored, the man that I did not consider when I put on the weight, despite the emotional aspect of the weight gain, and to measure my need for forgiveness from him to my need to forgive him...to link them together, when I find myself cringing at his touch.
Okay, part of me knows that's true and good advice, but part of me wants to scream, "MEN!"
Anyway, just be thankful that your reaction isn't 24/7 and directed at your husband, because, trust me, it's terrible feeling that way.
I know the Lord wants me to experience healing in this area in my marriage. I just have to work through it and let Him do the rest.
As you can see, I have no advice for you, but I wanted to share my experience, such as it is. Can't believe I did that, actually, but there it is...
Blessings,
Mary

Mary, in many ways I totally understand your pain.....All I can say is I am so sorry. I am so glad God made you a strong woman...I have similar experiences and it is very hard to deal with at times....

My Gay friend told he his boyfriend told him that if he had met him when he was heavy, he would't have ever dated him...He hates heavy people....When he told me that, I was so upset! I told him I'd have walked off and told him a thing or two....He has the same heart he did when he was heavy. If he wasn't good enough as a heavy person, what makes him better now??? Maybe it is the self confidence but it doesn't make the pain easier and it sure doesn't make it easier to understand. Shoot I have family that have problems with me and my weight now....Will it change later...who knows?

Mary my heart aches for the pain you are going through because I know that pain too....