A male perspective.... viewpoint to debtfree's post... opposite sex attractiveness post-WLS

Amy....  A man's perspective....  beware of the wolves with the sharpened teeth...

Real mean don't have to have a rail-skinny girl....  i prefer my girls to have curves....  I like them.... I think of curves as an interesting road to drive...(if she doesn't have curves, then the road is kinda boring...(somehow I'd still drive on the road though...lol)  not many adventures without some fun twists and curves in the road and for me, it's all about everything being an adventure...(lust for life complex)...


i've never been intimidated by a big girl unless she could whip my butt, but even then, who knows...might be fun....

Now I have enjoyed eye candy too, but either way, i love women of nearly all sizes...(i'm a realist....and there are limits to what is attractive and not so attractive.)  I don't mean that in a negative way but mean have their own niche category of women and certain ways and thoughts that turn them on....I would like to think that I'm "semi-reasonable" on my acceptance of big-girls, of course let's be honest ladies....  I'm a boob guy and most big girls don't have little ones...that could be a key indicator...

Getting down to the nitty gritty though  if you're with a guy, you are comprised of more than just a body....you've got a mind, an opinion, a way that you do things, and hopefully, you've got ambition.  If a guy only likes you because you've got a great new body, then hunny, you are a loser...for real  there are a million ugly guys out there who are really great men who would love a quality woman....doesn't mean they deserve them however....  they need something more than looks to get the woman they deserve....they need ambition, drive, a sense of duty to family and purpose, or a sense of "doing the right thing" to make them look attractive.....  that makes a man know he deserves a great woman.....  one of the keys to life for me is that I always try to keep n mind that I want a balance...I want a woman who takes pride in herself.  One who has a self image that is strong and beautiful.  One who accepts me supporting her and calling her beautiful when she wakes up with no makeup on...  one who hasn't let past relationships define who she should be tomorrow....****(men hate cleaning up another man's mess and don't believe they should be responsible for the other guy's sins...just FYI for you)**** let' be honest...all men have wicked sides to them...including me...i know..i know... say it ain't so...no...but that's not for this editorial and stuff....

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.....just because a person is fat doesn't make them not-beautiful.....she have potential?  YES....is she willing to tap it? YES..... is she willing to love me more for knowing that I'm there to support her and do the right thing although I'm a little on the ugly side?  YES......  but the first time that I don't treat her like she is worth something....i would  lose just as much value as she does.  The knife cuts both ways....   

Please don't fall victim to a cute guy who likes the "new" you....make sure you choose a solid guy who has living a terrific life in his agenda...because one day, you won't have a glorious, pretty body....you'll be a shell of your former self....but what will he see in you if you chose wisely? 

A really beautiful woman who chose a guy that may not have been the best looking, but had heart enough to overcome your objections because he's worthy of the love you gave him.  again...the knife cuts both ways...  just my random thoughts on it....  opposing viewpoints are welcome....

T.

I knew I liked you for a reason. Gotta love a man who loves his curves.  I used to help manage a online BBW group that focused on loving and accepting yourself and I had a graphic one of the guys posted that said Real Women Have Curves but I can't find it especially since MSn is closing its groups and we deleted ours already. As for the baggage well tthat is why some of us have decided that a *new* man isn't worth it till we work on ourselves first. I appreciate your candid response to this though.

THIS IS JUST THE WAY OUR SOCIETY THINKS AND IT REALLY SUCKS! IF YOU ARE NOT SHAPED LIKE A FREAKING BARBIE DOLL YOU DONT'T MATTER. THE IRONIC THING IS THAT THE PEOPLE MAKING ALL THESE JUDGEMENTS ON THE OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD ARE NOT "WINNERS" EITHER BUT THAT IS ANOTHER STORY I'M SURE!

Thomas, hard as you try to cover it up, there are some deep thoughts running around in that head of yours.

I've always been creeped out a bit by "chubby chasers"....men who ONLY like big women.  If you have to have a specific body type, you should probably breed dogs and leave humans alone.  If, on the other hand, you enjoy people and all their variety, you might just make a decent human being.  (You being the universal you, not specifically you) (Breeding dogs meaning raising dogs for a specific breed standard, not uh, actually, well, you know). 

Oh did eveyone notice...Debra called me deep.....  ok I gotta go bury a bone while I wag my tail now...

Wink, wink...

T.

I must say the world of dating is a most confusing and frustrating one!  The Venus and Mars thing is alive and well.  I have no idea if any of the guys I have gone out with would have liked me before weight loss because I didn't put myself out there to get rejected.  I suspect I would not have gotten a second look from any of them including the one that needs to lose a significant amount of weight himself.  That is just the way the world works.  Does it suck- you bet.  But this is the world I must live in and make work for me. 

I choose to not be bitter because I would have been rejected before weight loss.  I choose to focus on here and now with the body I now have.  I choose to be happy.  Yes, ladies it is a choice to be happy.  You can ***** and whine about being invisible  before weight loss but think about it in your heart- didn't you want to be invisible??  The extra weight I carried gave me a great wall of security around me to make life less painful in some ways.  Live life on your terms and deal with the decisions you make.

On to how we allow men to treat us- you teach people how to treat you.  If you allow yourself to be treated as a doormat then that is what you will be.  If you make them follow some basic rules of common courtesy then they will or you will kick them out of the line up so to speak.  Is it a struggle to hold men accountable for good behavior- yes.  I am struggling with one of those situations right now.  I am debating whether the good times out weigh the issues I am dealing with.  But, bottom line I have to respect myself enough to hold men to a standard that can make me happy (be on time, call when you say you will- nothing heroic). It is confusing and frustrating out here in the world of dating but I am not giving up.

Yes - Happycat (Denise ?) I totally agree.  

It is a shame that obese people are treated so shabby.  When I was heavier, I remember often times feeling like nobody even saw me.  Obviously they did, I mean how could they miss 336 lbs. of me,      but they would usually just quickly look away as soon as I made eye contact with them and this was with both men and women alike - that's what I don't get.  Why would women look away too?  Do they think obesity is contagious???  Or maybe it's just they felt sorry for me, guess I'll never know.

Huggs,
Pammie

Fat guys get overlooked sometimes too so remember,  it is you gals that won the sexual revolution, we're just a vast part of it....

As for me, he reason why I love women the way i do is because I was raised by my southern grandmother.  treat everyone with love and kindness and you should expect it in return.....  I still try to stick to those same rules...

Of course, I've always tried to never treat someone wrong just because of weight.  After all, I am just a recovering food addict myself....I know the demons ....but when tied to how society looks at women....I agree it's come a long way and most men that don't get it are the great looking guys that have never had to suffer in the first place....

love is a great equalizer of wrongs done to any class of humans regardless of sex, race, or previous history....everyone deserves the same chance....  I try not to judge since I don't walk in their shoes....but i will always choose to love....

As for the sexual revolution, the best I can do is win one woman over at a time....  don't worry men, I'm winning...just slowly...  hehe fighting from the front line, this is your man of small bunskies...

T.

My husband was always one who liked to date the more curvier women.  When I first started talking about the surgery he was totally against it. He would tell me that skinny people are shallow.  I tried to tell him that men and women who have WLS and become shallow were shallow before and very lonely!!!  I am who I am on the inside and the WLS is only going to change my outer layers not my insides. He isnt a small man so he would tell me I would want someone smaller.  That isnt true, if you love a person and truely love a person it doesnt matter what their out sides look like.

I knew a girl who after her surgery she did turn into a not so good person and wore very revealing clothing and went to bars just to get laid and didnt care who it was. My husband told me before surgery well you arent going to dress like her after your surgery.  Your rignt im not but im not going to be a prude either. I am proud of who I am and I think I have enough class to not look like a **** but still feel sexy and good about myself.

I was comfortable as a person when I was bigger, people would say things like for a big girl you are really pretty or you really take care of yourself even though you are big.  Its ok to be big, its not ok to be big and unclean.  Regardless of our outer layers we still have to have good hygiene, We have to be proud of who we are and want to look good. I dont think I am shallow, but I was asked out by a few men who were large and I did say no because they didnt take care of themselves!  But I too like some meat on my man.  Not saying that I too dont turn my head when a nice looking man walks by and he is very firm and well cut.  Id be lying if I did. But I prefer a little meat on his bones... Especially now I need the warmth!!!!   :)


Am I making any sense or just rambling??? lol Sorry If I just rambled!