An Honest Question

So, Shelly got me hooked on Ruby (on the style channel) and it's a great show.  But I always think when I'm watching shows about women like that (Morbid OB but still fabulous) that there is something fundamentally wrong with me, and I'll never be cool or fashionable or even likeable.  (Ok, the likeable part is on a bad day).

This isn't a thread for you guys to tell me how great I am-it's an honest question thread-do you feel that even though you've lost weight, or will lose weight, that you will always be "less than" or "not good enough"? 

Not because of my weight or history of weight.  There are many things that make a person ugly, Selfishness, bitterness, negativity, self pity, ignorance.  They make a person unattractive no matter what the weight.  While the weight is important, it is not what makes us what we are or are not.  I know that is hard to remember when we've seen loathing, disgust or superiority in stranger's eyes.  But they are the ugly ones in that case.  Only concerned with surface issues and things that are seen and will pass away.  I think Ruby is beautiful no matter what her weight, she is enthusiastic, helpful to others, and genuine.  Those are the things that make her beautiful

Hi, Debra.
I can only speak for myself, but I spent a lifetime feeling like I wasn't worth the dirt under someone's feet. Sure, I could look back and blame it on my father, the 2 young men who raped me, on my abusive first husband, etc., but that got me nowhere.
Then I went through a time where I was pretty miffed at God that all of that had happened to me. I FINALLY got to the point where I made peace with my past, made peace with the fact that there was no way I could change anything that had happened to me. It was my first moment of forgiveness.
I kept working on how I saw God. It's so true that if one has issues with one's earthly father, more than likely one will have issues with one's heavenly Father. FINALLY, I got to the point where I could say (and mean), "God, You are enough for me."
It was at that very moment that I heard God (not an audible voice, but very strong within me) say, "But do you know that YOU are enough for ME?"
I mean to tell you, I nearly fell over in a faint! Who? Me? Enough for the God of the Universe? As much as I wanted to balk at that, I absolutely knew it to be true.
For me, that was the moment that I was truly born again. Oh, I'd been saved since the age of 13, but I just didn't know who I was in Christ, in God's Eyes. For me, it was the beginning of knowing that I am "worth it." Whatever the "it" is in my life, I'm worth it. It was then that I realized that if I had been the only person on the face of the earth, Christ still would have come and died just for me.
I still have my moments where I revert to the old "unworthy me" thinking, but when it happens, I get that check down deep inside--that's not who I am.
Debra, I don't know what it is for you, but in my eyes (and, I believe, in God's eyes) you are perfect, just the way you are. Can you improve? Of course. We all can improve, but it doesn't change the fact that you are accepted and loved, just the way you are.
Blessings,
Mary

Mary, I am glad you had healing-your story illustrates the triumph of good over evil, and I mean that in the literal sense.

Debbie,
Yes, I know what you are saying.  I feel that way too.  But after spending so much time on here and knowing that other people are heavy and I would never think less of them for it...It kind of helps me go easier on myself.  I don't want to be rail thin.  I'm happy with curves.  I just want to be healthy.  But you are right...Its society and the expectations put on everyone by television, magazines and the media.  Everything...
Good point!
Hugs
Kim

Oh, curves are cool-no doubt about THAT!

Well, I am one of those who, at any weight, was fan-frikken-tabulous...on the outside.  I was and still am a firm believer in the "fake it til you make it" club.  IMHO, if you don't think you are absolutely adorable, why should anyone else?  Sure, unconditional love from family and friends is wonderful, but let's face it, in today's society, looks and attitude count for so much more than a good heart.  Unfortunate, but true.  So, here I am, some days faking it, other days believing it and realizing that I AM FABULOUS!

Sweetpea...you say that you think somethig may be wrong with ya...nah..you are you.  As long as you are the best you that you can be, screw everyone else.  Now, for YOU to realize your inner diva and let her flyyyyyyy....

Dahling-you ARE fabulous.  I am too, on certain days.  I think part of my "issue" is that when I try, well meaning people try to drag me out into the full on foo foo hair, lots of make up and yadda yadda, and that's not ME (except when I'm playing dress up or something).

Yet, even I have to admit there is an inner diva in me.  I jeer at women and their Manolo Blahniks (I have no idea how to spell it) but Frye has a pair of 3 figure boots I've almost bought several times.  So whose the diva now?

(If you need to stretch your legs between OKC and Houston, some of those boot warehouses are worth a look too.,,,after 20 years I finally stopped and now I cant' wait to get back.) 

*perk* boot warehouses???????  I am SO allll over that!

Say, are y'all going bowling on Saturday???

I absolutely agree that even though I've lost weight I still feel "less than" and most often times "not good enough".  I've always been the kind of person *****aches out to the unlovely and always have an ear to listen to those who need to talk but I've never seemed to have that reciprocated in the past.  I make a point to speak to most everyone I meet.  I've noticed that since I've lost 162 pounds that I have people look at me more often as if I now have some "worth".  I resent that personally.  I want to scream "I'm the same girl you saw when I was 408 pounds".  Nothing has changed about me except size.  My heart, brain and mind are the same.  I don't think I'll ever be a "thinner" person in my mind. 

All that said, I wouldn't trade my compassion for some of those "trollips who trot around in their thin selves thinking they are all that"!!  I know from where I came and where I've been and I'll never forget that!!!  We weren't obese by choice....