a phone call and holiday drama..

i have a 19 year old niece who in three days will be 20. She called me 14 times today on her new cell phone. When I finally answered the phone. She just had to tell me this..you are the first in the family that I have told...
knowing her as I do i knew it was something I would be upset about and it was her news was I am 7 weeks pregnant. My reply to her was simple you are a ignorant unemployed immature kid that has no means of taking care of a baby much less yourself. She claims to have been pregnant 4 times in the past. Well this ole blunt woman is gonna put her niece in place. I am calling my physician in Mooresville, NC make an appointment to have my niece seen and find out once and for all if she is pregnant and if she isn't I will take her dumba$$ to the health dept and get her on birth control. I can not believe that she is having unprotected sex.
I also mad her mad when I told her IF she was pregnant there was a thing called abortion and adoption....I dont believe in the former but saying that to her shocked her and I hope maybe woke her dumb self up....

I feel for you Pattye, I have a niece who is a drama queen like that and tries her hardest to shock the family all the time as well. While I am with you on not being in favor of the former, I do believe in a womans choice, and I knwo of several wonderful adoptions that have worked out the best for everyone,  A friends daughter knew she wasnt ready even though she was 20 heck she still lived at home she found the perfect solution for her in an open adoption, the new family treat her like a member of teh family to the point of flying her to Canada where they live every year on either the babies birthday or Christmas. She gets frequent pictures and it has worked out so very well for her.

Now being pretty blunt myself I want to know why the heck he rparents have not gotten her on birth control befor enow especially if she has already claimed to be pregnant that many times in the past. And you must be like me the one they all run to when in trouble. And if you nee dsomeone to scare her more have her give me a call and I can tell her the horror story of my forced abortion as a teenager and how it still haunts me.

sarah her dad has tried to get her on the pill...her problem is she has medical issues that prevent her from getting pregnant. I do not understand how in the heck she would want to be pregnant and what kind of guy would be so stupid as in not using bc. plus this guy is suppose to be her brother's friend...wonder which one he will be the maddest at? this kid is so much seaching attention good or bad she doesnt care what it takes to get it. Sarah she wants to be pregnant thats the hardst part about this and I just can not understand it...I told her having s baby is not like the puppy she got and when the new wore off she left it to fend for it self till her dad found it another home..

Pattye,

That is so sad. I have to agree that maybe she does need to talk to someone about it even though she may not be what we would con cider mentally ready for a baby something inside of her is craving that attention and while it didn't bother me when I decided to make my birth control a permanent version (both my babies were conceived while on the pill and I knew I only wanted two anyway) I had a friend who had to have a hysterectomy recently and even though she didn't want any more kids she has had a really hard time dealing with the fact that she can't have them and that maybe some of this girls issue if she is being told at such an early age that she can't ever have a baby. I commend your brother for taking the right steps to try and get her on the pill. I am an advocate of kids are going to do it I know I did and if they are they should be protected from both disease and pregnancy. I used to go to planned parenthood and pass out the condoms to my nieces and nephews as well as kids in the neighborhood that I knew was being active. Do I feel guilty no I don't a good friend of mines daughter step dad wouldn't let her mom take her and on her very first time she ended up with a VERY serious STD that could have left her sterile for life and it could have been prevented with a 25cent condom. Your niece is lucky to have you love and worry about her so much even though you are so far away. Have they considered the nuevo ring or depo shots or the new thing that's a cross between a IUD and a Norplant that is good for 5 years. Just a thought but please encourage her to find someone with experience in dealing with this kind of thing to talk to even if its just a counselor.

Actually, after the pregnancy test, I would suggest a shrink!!! Number 1 at 19, she probably should be on the pill anyway and after the other four scares, should have seen a shrink then.
Man...MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A GREAT NEW YEAR....HUH?

Maybe people wouldn't agree with me, but at 16, I put my girls on the pill. Mainly because I didn't want any of them to go through what I did.(married at 15).I did my best to teach morals and respect, but  I didn't want to take a chance in this world of one mistake changing their lives....Wrong or right, I made a decision to do it. All three were married over a year before they had children and one was married 5 years before.  No child is a mistake....the pregnancy may be one, but babies are a gift from the Lord... for someone! My sister would have done anything to have a baby and still dreams of motherhood, but she can't ever carry a child. Isn't is sad that at times... those who should have them never get one and those who should never have them are freaking jack rabbits??
I'm sorry...
Sherry

Sherry I am like your sister I cant not carry a child so I feel that pain. I would have been over joyed if she was in a relationship and got pregnant. But having unprotected sex with a guy is so wrong. I told her she sounded like the girl on thr Maury show that would have sex for a double bacon cheeseburger...and thats how I feel. To be 19 going on 20 is so reckless behavior!
I have two other nieces who were sexually active before marriage and neither one of them came up pregnant nefore they got married. I told them the facts of life just lke I did this one so I just do not understand how come she is being so stupid.When I was her age pregnacy was the futherest thing I wanted to be I was busy going to college and working....
I pray to God this supposed pregnancy is just like the others...not true

Pattye, I am sorry to hear this. I would definitely make her take a test in front of you. You know you can take her to the health dept and get her the pill, but you can't make her take them. it sounds as though she will do anything for attention and wants to shock everyone with her behavior. She is probably looking for someone to love her unconditionally and doesn't know how to go about it other than to crawl in the sack with just any one. Sorry your neice involved you in her drama. I hope you can help her out and that she will let you. Prayers going your way.
Emily

Emily, I agree with you it just infuriates me that SHE called to tell me. I am so sick of the wolf call. She has been this way her whole life and I truly hoped that she would out grow this crazy behavior.
I do love her unconditionaly but there comes a time when you can not give someone like her what she needs for it will never be enough. The more love and attention I gave her when she was young the more she wanted....

Just chiming in with the choir.  There is NO reason in this day and time for an oops.  At 19, and with previous scares behind her, she is well into being sexually active and should know about the pill AND the condom.  My litany when my daughter was growing up was that sex was her choice, but if she chose to have sex she needed to be responsible about it.

My own Mom was always very very clear that she would not be raising any of her grandchildren-they could spend the night, etc. but she was finished raising kids-and while that seemed blunt, she never had to raise any grandkids either, so I pretty much  carried through with that teaching as well.

One of the hardest conversations I ever had with my daughter (who was in her midtwenties) was to tell her in my opinion she couldn't take care of her own child (now being raised, I believe, by the other grandmother), but I would say the same thing all over again.  I wouldn't let her raise one of my dogs, let alone a child.

Maybe neither of these kids (my daughter, your niece) will ever be in a place to appreciate our sage advice, but I think there is something to be said for at least putting it out there into the world.  

Deb,
when she was old enough to ask me about sex I told her the truth. In terms she could understand. So it just drives me into a state of wtf is she doing??? i asked her about std's and her ignorant response was she did not have any then.
I really hate to the bitoch but I have had enough. So after the first she best be prepared for her blunt speaking Aunt to take her to the Dr or health dept. As I told someone in private email...if she is not pregnant I am going to give her a whipping that she will remember till she dies.
There is no excuse for her kind of behavior. What gets me is before her news she was telling me she got hired to work at a group home and is taking classes to be able to work there. To me thatis just as crazy as having a an inmate run a prison.