I feel so sad

I haven't even had the surgery yet and I am crying every day!!Id hate to see me after! LaDetra, I don't know what you are going though at all, but I can pray for you and will....The economy is so different this year and I think many are struggling. Sure we all know the real meaning of Christmas, but it is also about the dreams of little children too and this year, the dreams of young and old are having to be put on the back burners. It is hard...very hard. For the first time in my many years, I will not be able to buy one gift for my children or grandchildren. It is killing me inside, but there is nothing I can do...not one thing.
 
I think if I can just lock myself in the closet until after Christmas, I will be able to pull myself out of this....Besides I am using to many rolls of toilet paper to blow my nose....The new year will bring wonderful things.....It will!

LaDetra, I am just going to pray and pray for both of us and all the others who seem to be going through this too.....Like I said, I haven't even had the surgery, but it may not be related to it anyway....it may just be a spirit of heaviness.....
Sherry

Sherry, that is so wise-I have trouble every Christmas-because I just can't let go of that struggling single parent I used to be-so I avoid the stores because I can pick them out of every crowd and it breaks my heart not to be able to help them all.

My special wish is that we all move beyond the gift giving, and remember this not as a tough Christmas, but one where presents and tinsel didn't really matter that much.  (I know, the economy needs us to think otherwise, but REALLY).  I bet if you gave each of the grands a "coupon" for one day alone with Grandma during the following year, you'd all get a kick out of it.  Not every present has to come from a store-the best ones come from the heart.

My Mom gets all flustered because her great grands have more electronics, etc, and she doesn't know what to give that is willing to give-but what they need most from her is time and attention, not another thing from the store.  As a Grandmother-your contribution is YOU-and that is beyond price.  Let the parent's worry about all the material stuff-it's not a race. 

Debra, thank you....I know what you say is right...but it is hard....very hard. Just knowing I have no choice is helping though....You know, knowing that I will be here many more years too now, because of the surgery, is a gift they don't even realize yet.LOL Basically they are stuck with me now!!  I will have two for a few days before Christmas and we are making cut out cookies....Those are the gifts I hope they don't forget.
 I just think I am feeling selfish too this year, because of the surgery...When I get done with my pity party over Christmas, I will even do better about that one! lol
Thanks again Deb....I am saving all those empty toilet rolls I keep using from crying for you though....See, it can be a good thing huh?

Sherry

Toilet rolls rock!

Remember, kids (and adults for that matter) don't need to understand everything right now.  They will grow and learn and one day understand-or not-but you nor I have any control over that.  Our job is to make the best choices we can-and in your case, choosing life over a few toys probably sends a powerful message-one they may not understand now but will.

(Sighs and crawls up on the soap box)....I think many of us here have typically made choices for others and not for ourselves for a long time, a perhaps, to excess.  Teaching our young to be martyrs isn't really setting a good example-teaching them to be healthy and self sufficient, that's a far better one. (Waves and bows and crawls down off her soap box). 

Hi, LaDetra.
Like others said, it's the hormones, and I know it's no fun. Just know that the emotional roller coaster isn't here to stay. You are not letting anyone down. Everything will work out, and you will begin to "level out" emotionally. I think, too, that you are mourning food. That's very normal. That, too, will pass. I know you know how to do this, and hopefully you will be able to tomorrow, "Put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness." Please know that I'm praying for you.
Blessings,
Mary

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement and prayers. I am feeling better, I guess all the mixture of feelings I had overwhelmed me. LOL so I guess on the flip side of everything....something good will come out of this....hopefully see the scale move again next week since all these hormones are leaving the fat stores..thanks again and love and hugz to all of you!!!!!

LaDetra 

LaDetraaaaaaaaaaa!!!
I am so sorry that  you had an experience like this.  You are such a fabulous person. You are strong and a great Mother!  I see that your post got lots of great encouragement and information.  That is so great to have all of that support.  You guys rock here on the OK board!
That old friend food let you down before.    Let our new friend, the "tool" help us now.  It is waiting for your body to catch up from the weight you have already lost.  Getting overwhelmed is easy to do when you have gone through a major surgery as you have.  You are still going to be grieving for that old friend food for a while too.  And that is something you have to just give yourself more time.  As someone said in a previous post... there are so many food memories attached to holidays. 
You are doing great.  You will continue to do great.  I thank you so much for posting and sharing this. 

La Detra
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.  I know too well what you mean.  But you have a huge support system here!  We are all rooting for you.  Just remember you didn't lose your best friend "food".  You are gaining a whole new life.  You are going through the motions of Christmas on a roller coaster!  I know, me 2!
I wish you all the love and Peace sister!
Thats what we are here for, is to rant, rave, Brag, share your ups and downs!  The whole big lot of it!  (we are all-inclusive!)
Hugs to you!

Kim

I will keep you in my prayers. thanks for sharing this. It helps me to prepare for what i will go through. Big hugs to you.
Emily

Emily, we will be on that loser's bench in no time!! Our time is soon. I honestly think that this board prepares us in so many ways for what lies ahead. I am glad now that I have had to wait until after the Holidays to do this....God's timing is soooooo much better than ours!  I don't think I could have added the stress of the Holidays to a recovery from surgery too....Now come the end of Jan....I'm ready!!! Our dream is coming true soon!!

Sherry