learning to be me

Ummm herrroooo??? and stuff......

Not all men are created equal....  Measure your opportunties carefully...  I have found that when a person "settles" for something everyone loses....  That's why I am happily divorced...

I chose to not live a "Normal" life...  I had a near death experience and I wanted to know what it was like to live through the eyes of a person who wanted an "Exceptional" life...  not just to mearly exist but to really live...

After listening to cancer patients and people who don't have a lot longer to live, there's one common thread.... REGRET...  regret that they didn't do everything that they wanted to do.  Some men are happy with routines and burying themselves with menial tasks when their life and their ability to have a romantic life just passes them by.... 

That's why I not only made my life as polished as possible, but I try to giv back to kids who have been diagnosed terminally ill....  It's a form of thanks...and for those men who choose not to live their life so vigorously....it's a choice..but father time has the ability to take it away...  Men are strange animals that can't be trained...and if they could be...then why would you want them?  I wouldn't want a woman who would want to change anything about me other than my lust for more women...but then again....if she were that woman, then she would be able to capture my full attention and I'd respect that about her....  everyone gets lonely, it's not about the fact that you're a woman...you're a human...so don't beat up on yourself...  you make mistakes..then we are supposed to learn from them....THUS my weird way of living life....

One last thing I tink about before I close my eyes...  did God see that I really enjoyed my life and tat I used mytime wisely enouh to appreciate the supreme gift He gave me?  St Peter will know my name when I come to the pearly gates...not because I'm so delisciously sinful, but because I chose a path that lets everyone know that I love the opportunity to live so much that I changed my lie to prove it.  Love for anything can be the catalyst for a person's lifechanging event...

All humor aside, this is the core of how I believe.... 

T.

Poor T-the noble defender of his sex in a chickfest.  You are correct, there are good guys-but many of us were brought up to believe we HAD to find a man, any man would do.  I'll even go out on a limb and say many guys have probably married because they felt like it was "the right" thing to do for whatever reason-but necessarily because it's what they wanted to do.

In Deb's perfect world, people act like adults, agree to whatever conditions they decide to agree to and give notice when things change....Imagine that.... 

T.

I never said all men I said I have a bad picker for some reason I gyrate towards the bad ones, because of that I decided to NOT deal with a relationship at this time in my life.  I know there is good guys out there I just havent found the good guy for me. So for now I enjoy knowing I can do it myself. I have done alot of self improvement in the past year plus, one is coming to the conclusion I am capable of standing on myown and still making it just fine, two I quit smoking October 1, 2007 (over a year now) after smoking from the age of 15. and now I am finally on my way to a healthier thinner me. Just my personal observations.

Thanks for all your kind words and encouragement. I've reached the point in my life where I realize that all the things I've been doing for the last decade or so just arn't working, Now is the time for change, for improvement, I for one am tired of settling for less. Less attention to my own health, less time spent thinking of how I can learn to enjoy myself more, less that I deserve in a relationship. 2009 is going to be the year of MORE! More weight loss than ever before, More time learning about who I am and why, and More happiness and gratification than I ever thought possible!

Wow.  Heavy.

 

It seems to me what you're most likely to find what you're looking for when you aren't looking.  The 'why not?' blind date has become a wonderful marriage of 14 years (and counting!).  I wish you well.

When you find yourself besure and let me know how. I'm still trying to find out how. I became a mother and wife at 15. You stayed together because marriage was forever and it was just what you do..... It began to kill me over the years, as it was an extremely toxic marriage. He was bipolar and I was the only one who could deal with him...His moods became more and more abusive to the "jail keeper"as he thought I was. My children and I had to hold him down and handcuffed him to keep him from killing himself in the early phases. I tried to save him from having to go to a Psyc. ward. Over the years we ended up putting him in them 4 times. There was never time to discover who I am and he made it very clear no one would ever want a person like me. I was nothing but a fat ugly B is what he constantly told me......He is living with one of my daughters and I am beginning to see signs in her that I had....He just does that to people....I have to still be involved with him in some ways and it sucks!
How do you discover who you are after years of that? My dad was a drunk and a pervert, so my list of 2 men in my life ,in my 57 years, has caused me to build Great Walls of Heavy Bricks. However; I am inside that wall and I have only built me into this lonliness.
I built my life around my 4 children and they don't need me now....Discovering who you are is not always easy and honestly I don't know if I know how, but I as starting with this WL. And I am taking steps in the right direction.I have lived alone now for 6 years and only have long distance friends, as that is safe from most harm. I can do many things by myself, but I found I can't change a garbage disposal or my tub drain yet! He is now living great in my daughters home on his Social Security Dissability and I can't even get disability!!! Why, I was a devoted mother and wife.....I didn't work long enough to get it.....Great huh? He sails on and I am left behind dog paddling!  Kinda makes you want to tear a hole in his boat!!

I wouldn't know where to even go to find a man. I can't even get a stalker on line! LOL Not that I'd really want one. My Grandma had 4 husbands in her 93 years and each one treasured her....She was not the nicest person in return but they each just adored that woman....what they adored was her self confidence. I think in this search, if I can find that, It will all fall into place eventurally. I have no idea....but when anyone gets the manual on this discovery stuff, let me know.....
To be honest too, I'd have to say that when someone says what we women do to a man is poison, I'd have to say take a long hard look in the mirror.....Girls it is no longer what you can do for the men....It is what can you do together...If you aren't a team.....walk on!  As TOM says....and that would be Tom Cruise.....wait for the guy who says....YOU COMPLETE ME!!!

 

I haven't found myself yet, but I'm working on it.  Start by figuring out a few things that YOU want to do-and do them.  I'm having a good time looking for myself.

Wow, I'm so glad you have come to the conclusion that YOU need to come FIRST for a change.  I wasn't looking for Mr. Right when he came along.  His Grandpa actually found me and then introduced us by mail.

You have to live life to the fullest and be happy within yourself, love yourself and then you can love someone else.  I know my daughter has been divorced for about 3 years now and we know that a bad relationship is so much worse than being alone and independant.  You can't determine you happiness or self worth by someone else.  Don't depend on someone else to make you happy...make yourself happy!  You will find "Mr. Right" when you least expect it.  Let "Mr. Right" find you....he will.  Give  yourself this year to be you...you might just want something different because you are going to make so many changes not only physically but in all other ways.  I'm so glad you were able to end the 6 month relationship before making it legal and then realizing it wasn't right!  All things seem to work out don't they?  Take care and we're so looking forward to you being on our "looser's bench".  Next year 2009 is going to be your year for YOU!!!