Having a terrible day.....

It must be the cold and dreary weather. I am just feeling so blue. I miss my Mother terribly. The way she used to be, and not the way her last two years were. I know she is in a better place, but I still needed her. I don't remember when the last time was that I was this depressed. Those of you that have lost your Mom's, do you have any pointers? I know that it just takes time, and there will be good days and bad days. I also think that it is just this time of the year with the holidays and things going on. Thanks for listening to me rant. I could go on forever, but wont. I haven't been on here much since I lost Mom, but I do love you guys and appreciate you all very much, Rita

Dear Rita.
I so understand. There were times when the pain of missing my mother hurt so badly, literally, that I thought my heart would burst. I fought against the pain of remembering, of grieving, but, trust me, it only makes it worse.
You are at work, so you can't do this now, but when you go home, just let it out, Honey. Cry, scream, beat a pillow, break some old dishes. Whatever it takes to let out some emotion, as much as you can, do so.
One thing I found helpful was to put a picture of my mom (when she was younger and healthy) on a chair opposite me. I'd sit there and look at her and talk to her. It helped me so much.
The year of "firsts" is no fun, that is true. My mother loved Christmas, so I tried to remember all the fun things she used to do, to make Christmas such a special, fun time for us girls. Ever since I can remember, my mother would begin to sing "Happy Birthday to Me," beginning the day after Christmas, because her birthday was January 8th, and she loved presents! :)
Rita, your mother is with you and in you. I know that is little consolation. You will find your way. Remember that God understands your pain. He lost His Son, for a time. After 3 days, He lived. Your mom is alive and well. Perhaps it will help you to picture her life right now, and to remember that you will see her again.
Go through pictures. Play video tapes, to see and hear your mom. Visit her grave and leave a letter. Whatever comes to mind to do, do it. What was your mom passionate about? Did she have a charity close to her heart? If so, see what you can do for that charity, to honor your mom. Visit some mothers in a nursing home, as so many will never see family this Christmas.
You can walk this Lonesome Valley. It's not easy, I know, but it does get better. It takes time.
I would like for you to listen to a song by Shaina Noll called "You Can Relax Now." I couldn't find it on YouTube or GodTube. Here's a link, to download it for 88 cents. I don't know if you're interested in doing that. Maybe it will let you hear it, at least. http://payplay.fm/shainanoll3
Edited to add: See my last reply, for the best way to hear the best version of this song. :)
I'm sending you my gentlest hugs and strength.
Blessings, Prayers, and Much Love,
Mary

I know what you mean about the cold, dreary weather.  It is depressing all by itself.  I still have my Mom but I lost my Daddy in 1993.  The first Thanksgiving and Christmas were almost unberable for me.  He LOVED Christmas and watching the kids...big ones and small ones alike.  It does take time and I don't have a magic solution.   I know that I cried a lot and would think I was over it and then there I'd go again.  Time is a healer and you will get through this.  Maybe you could try to make some kind of journal with stories you remember about your childhood and all the fun times with your Mom.  That would be awesome to pass down to your own daughter and your grandchildren.  I need to do that as well.  I have so many fond memories of my Daddy.

Rita, I haven't said much that helps I know but please know that I truly do care.  I wish I were there and I'd give you a big hug and maybe cry with you.  You're Mom was special to have raised such an awesome daughter in you.  Take care of yourself...come see us at support Thursday night if you can get away.

Rita,
I found the whole song, "You Can Relax Now." This is your mom's song to you: 
http://mp3.rhapsody.com/shaina-noll/you-can-relax-now
Love,
Mary

Sorry about all these replies, Rita. I've finally found the BEST version of this song (I promise):
http://www.last.fm/listen/artist/Shaina%2BNoll/similarartist s. (That one didn't work for me; try the next link)  Why do I have a feeling all this is going to replace your grief with annoyance. Oy, vey!
http://www.last.fm/music/Shaina+Noll/_/You+Can+Relax+Now
This is from Shaina's cd called "Songs for the Inner Child."
Love,
Mary

Thanks Mary, The song is beautiful and very uplifiting. Rita

I don't know what it is like to lose my mom but I do know about grieving.  I lost 18 co-workers when the bombing happened and two of them were my closest friends.  One of the things that helped me was writing a letter to each of them.  I wrote everything I felt on a piece of paper and somehow releasing all of what I felt helped some.  To me grief was like the waves of the ocean it would sometimes just be lapping at my feet and other times be a wave that would totally drown me.  Hang in there.  We care about you and can't imagine how tough this must be for you this time of year especially. 

The pain is still so fresh. I am so sorry for this. The loss of a parent is such a hard thing. People and Sympathy cards will say it will get better with time....You will get through it.....like "it" will go away. "It"  was the most special person in your life, the woman who gave you life and loved you the way no other person can do.......to say you can get past it, or the pain will get better is like saying you could just forget her in time...You çan't , wont, and you shouldn't.  In time you will slowly put everything about her into a special part of your heart and mind. She will always be with you when you need her. You will begin to remember all the wonderful times, then memories of the last two years will move to the back of the  cherished moments with her.
It is to fresh to be able to do this yet. It is a slow process. It is the mending of your heart and like so many things it takes time to heal it.  You must get through this process in order to reach the next step. Grieving is important, allow yourself to grieve and to mourn this loss. When the time is right, you will start to put each memory where it should be.
I remember when my dad died, that I read about 10 sympathy cards and then I couldn't read any more...I piled them all up and just looked at them. To open them meant I had to cope with the death...I didn't want to at that time....It was a month or so later, when I sat down to write cards, that I opened them and could read them with out falling apart. Allow yourself the baby steps you need. Don't try to move on yet. Obviously, you still need this time.
I now feel that my dad is in my heart always. If I stop and think about him, the "sting of death" is still as fresh as the day he died and I weep as if it were so.....but now I look at each gift he gave my sisters, brothers and myself. I remember all he taught me about the beauty of nature...He taught us how to treasure the sunrise and sunset. Now I look at "him" in my kids and grandkids and in myself. He loved Christmas! It gave him great joy!! Because of him, living in me...I too love Christmas! He enjoys it within me...as I see it in my Grandkids.  Your mother will still be with you but in a totally different way....It may not be this year that you are able to feel her without this deep sorrow....but soon...when you are ready....I promise you. You will! You know God is going to carry you through this....I don't need to remind you of this....but I will remind you that you are loved and our hearts go out to you my friend. 
Compassionatly...
Sherry

 

Amen

Sweet, you have some good advice and all our prayers.  You might look at getting a light box or a natural light lamp and using it for a bit-it helps ease the gloomy days-it really really does.  Also, take extra care to comfort yourself in healthy ways-a warm mug of herbal tea, a heated throw (cold is tough on us -just part of the deal), maybe even some aromatherapy.  Surround yourself with warmth and soothing smells-it won't bring your Mom back, but it will make your present condition more pleasant.