How do you unload all of the emotional baggage?

Just pondering some thoughts and really don't know if I will make sense here but I will try.. LOL.. I am a better talker than I am putting my thoughts down in paper.  We didn't all get to be obese just because we enjoyed eating after eating.  Well some of us, because I do enjoy food but we eat because we have emotional baggage.  WLS will help us with our eating habbits but how do we resolve those emotional eating habbits and how do we clean up all the baggage that goes along with eating?  Does this resolve itself with years of therapy?  How have some of you dealt with the emotional eating that got you to where you are? The problems just don't disappear?

Any and all thoughts and suggestions are greatly appreciated.  Did I make any sense?

Thanks in advance,
Sheila

You make perfect sense.  Yesterday we were leaving the house and my mom had to heat up a cup of her coffee to take with her.  Coffee became her cigarette after she quit smoking.  I got some insight and said "how would you feel if you couldn't drink coffee or any other hot drink and you couldn't carry that cup around with you?"  She got testy, and asked me why I asked that and I said "because that's what I did when I had WLS-I removed the biggest comfort/stress reliever I had, and I'm not criticising, I just want you to understand how hard it's been for me this past year".   And on some level, I think she got it.

Biggest tip-acknowledge what is going on at all times, even if you don't like it.  For me, when I fully understood how much I had relied on food, I was ashamed and shaken to the core-and so I just went around for a long time saying just that "Omigod, I had NO idea, ....." and once I got used to that-I was able to move on to step two-which is substitute other behaviors.

I think I've shopped a bit much and tried to redefine myself a bit much over the past year and half, but when your body literally changes before your eyes, that's a bit scary too.

I still have a ton of baggage, and I've realized it will take longer to work through than actually losing the weight-but listen to this EVERYONE, even thin people have baggage, so don't let that make you feel less than. 

 

I copied this from another post on the lap-band board. I hope it helps some. I still struggle with the same issue!!!! Good luck

Separating Food From Feelings
by Vicki R. Pierson, ACE Certified Personal Trainer

From the day we enter this world we naturally learn to associate food with love, nurturing and warmth. As infants, being fed by our mothers was accompanied by the security of being held and gently rocked. As a child, you may have been rewarded with food for behaving well. Or maybe when you were hurt, physically or emotionally, you were given a special treat or meal to make you feel better. As an adult, it's likely that you continued the practice of rewarding yourself, lifting your spirit, or searching for love through the same means... eating.

Given these cir****tances, it's not surprising why many people confuse hunger for food with their hunger for emotional fulfillment. Take a moment and think about your eating patterns. Do you eat when you're anxious, frustrated, bored, angry, sad, lonely or even when you want to celebrate something? Often during these emotional eating episodes the foods that are chosen are fatty, salty, sweet and/or high in calories. Even if low calorie foods are eaten to fill an emotional hunger, food is being used inappropriately. Food should only be used to nourish the body, not the soul.

How can you stop this unhealthy cycle? The first step is awareness. One of the best tools to help you gain awareness about your eating patterns is to keep a food diary. In addition to when and what you eat, record how you are emotionally feeling when you eat. If keeping a food diary is not for you, try taking a few moments before you eat to get in touch with how you're feeling emotionally. The objective with either technique is to make you aware of your emotional eating patterns and give you the opportunity to cope with emotional hunger in a more constructive manner.

Coping with Emotional Hunger

Once you consciously begin distinguishing physical hunger from emotional hunger you'll need techniques to help you cope with your emotions. The techniques discussed here are not intended to address serious emotional issues that require professional treatment. Rather, they can assist you in coping with common emotions that cause you to eat when you're not physically hungry.

Sort your feelings out. Instead of munching on a bag of chips without thought, take some time-out to sort through your feelings. This way, you can sort out your feelings without the added guilt of overeating. Many times, the simple realization that you're feeling bored because there's nothing interesting on TV is enough to get you engaged in some other activity that's more fulfilling.

Face your feelings later. Once you realize that you're reaching for food out of emotional hunger, you may elect to take a short vacation from your feelings_ without eating. Make an agreement with yourself to engage in some other activity and deal with the emotional issue at a specific time in the future.

The loving heart exercise. This is an exercise designed to fill yourself with love. Find a comfortable place to sit and relax without distraction. Close your eyes and hold your hands, cupped like a bowl, in your lap. Think of someone in your life who deeply loves you or whom you love deeply. Now, visualize this love as something tangible_ feel the dense, soft, warm love fill your cupped hands. When the love fills your hands so much that you can no longer hold it all, bring your hands toward your heart and take a deep breath. Inhale all this pure love deep into your body. Continue to breath deeply and slowly until all the love you've been holding in your hands is now in your heart being pumped out to your body. Feel the warmth of this love saturate every fiber of your being. As you bask in this feeling, say to yourself, "I am filled with love. I am love. I have value"

It's not uncommon for this exercise to result in an immediate emotional release in the form of tears. If this happens, don't be startled or embarrassed by your reaction. Continue to relax, breathe deeply and feel the love emanating from inside you.

Seek professional assistance if needed. There are some deep emotional issues that can manifest themselves into eating disorders. If your emotional eating feels way out of your control, don't hesitate to seek some professional assistance.

Substituting Alternate Activities

Each coping technique concludes with the requirement to find some activity, other than eating, to engage yourself in. Make a list of activities to substitute for eating and keep it handy for reference... you may want to put it on your refrigerator! The activities can be anything that aren't associated with food or eating. List fun activities such as going for a walk surfin' the Internet, reading a good book, calling a friend, etc. You can also list required activities such as washing the dishes, emptying the garbage, doing the laundry, cleaning house, etc. Here are a few examples:

Stress: Visualize yourself in a calm, relaxing place while you take in slow, deep breaths. If you want to learn yoga or meditation, go to your local video store and check out a video tape on the subject.

Boredom: Most everyone experiences this emotion at one time or another. Select any activity from your list or engage in some physical activity!

Loneliness: Get together with, call or write a relative or friend, volunteer some of your time, join an organization, or get involved in your community.

Depression/Sadness: Try to identify the reason for your depression. Once identified, try putting your feelings into words either in a journal or by talking with a friend. If the depression is due to a major issue or event, seek professional counseling.

Frustration: Identify the source of your frustration then confront it and deal with it, if possible. Use positive communication skills to express your feelings and desires. Don't be un-necessarily confrontational, angry or place blame.

Anger: Take a time-out and calm yourself down by using relaxation techniques or going for a walk. Once relaxed, try to deal with the situation that's causing the anger using positive communication skills.

Anxiety: Try to find the cause of your anxiety. If it's caused by coffee or something you've taken internally try to find a way to correct the situation from happening again. If it's emotional, try some deep breathing and relaxation exercises. (See Stress)

Tiredness: Take a short nap or get some exercise.

In the Mood to Celebrate: By all means, celebrate! Get together with friends, go to a movie, buy something you've been wanting, or go dancing... use your imagination. A celebration doesn't mean food must be involved.

Thanks for sharing that.  I didn't get to read it all but I am going to come back to it in a bit!  It sounds like some good reading!

Thanks for sharing this article.  It's so appropriate. 

I have LOTS of baggage and some of it is why I ate/over ate.  I still have the baggage since I had surgery on my stomach and not my brain.  It's hard but it has to be dealt with.  I am constantly learning.  If you ask my DH he's probably have more insite than I do even by watching me make substitutions for  the time I spent eating.  I don't enjoy eating out most of the time because of the food...only because of the company I am keeping when we eat.  He decided to try (MIND YOU TRY) being my food police on Saturday evening and I just about bit his head off.  He was only trying to help but we DO NOT NEED food police.  My girlfriend had a pecan pie that was served during the OU/TX Tech football game and when I asked my DH for a bite he got all riled up and said...I don't want you sick.  I know he was right but....DON't BE MY POLICE.  If I get sick I get sick.  I wasn't very good company after that and needless to say I "lined him out when we got home" (LOL).  I think a bite wouldn't have hurt me but that triggered a pity party.  We all have triggers and I think for some of us we just might benefit from some therapy along the way.  The main thing is just to be aware.  I have also used my transfer addiction ....shopping...and have had to back off a LOT.  WLS is no miracle cure especially for "baggage"...

Sheila,

I drive my Land Rover around until I see Giraffes and then I get my chainsaw out and drive close to them....  I think you can imagine the rest....

Giraffes= devil animals that God didn't intend to make.....

And if that doesn't work, then I just find a nice book to read in a hammock.....


Dammit!  there aren't any giraffes left on this island!  Argh...more emotional baggage to deal with!

hehe...

(DISCLAIMER:  No "Actual" Giraffes were harmed while making this commerical for my new chainsaw line....)

T.

T.  You are on a ROLL today boy!
You are cracking me up! 

Hi, Sheila.
You've gotten excellent advice from Debra, and that article that was shared is awesome. I've utilized prayer, journaling, and therapy, so much so that I feel I went into surgery with a lot less emotional baggage. Of course, I may still have food/emotional issues, etc., but I have the tools to deal with them. You are wise to address this now. You'll be fine, and we're here for you, to be your sounding board and to help you any way we can.
Blessings,
Mary

Sheila,
I understod exactly what you are saying or trying to.
Emotional baggage is like the pile of old magazines books newspapers clothes etc that you keep piled up in your basement, attic or closet. The best possible thing to do is simple DO NOT COLLECT IT. Sit down right out all the emotional crap that you have been holding onto and then after doing so read the list and ask yourself what can I do about this or that the answer is simple...NOTHING so take your list, go outside and dig a hole and bury it. Just let time have what you have given time to.
For me I got to be 478 pounds because I did not say NO when I didnt want to do something, I got that weight because I always felt like an outsider...that I was never good enough.
The day of surgery I buried all that emotional bull and said I am who I am take me as I am or leave me the he?? alone. I have not looked back and do not plan to do so. THere are times I miss my parents or I get upset and yes I do look at food but the note I have on my fridge says it all..."you are at a point that you can go back to the past or walk away....walk away and dont look back" I have walked away every time wih a smile on my face knowing I beat the past again.
Hope this helps ya. and know we all make mistakes sometimes and thats why we have erasers...

WOW!!!..  The posts you all have provided are outstanding.. I am so glad I asked about emotional baggage and posted it here.. you all have made me realize I am not alone and this was definetly a question worth asking.. Thank you all so very much for taking the time to answer this personal post.. I will read the article later on today, right now I am subbing at my childrens school..  WOW! What a amazing group of posts I have recieved and don't feel alone..

Thank you all so very much..

Sheila