post op 2001 feel horrible long long post sorry, 1st time here and need to talk

good morning,  first i want to introduce myself and say that this is the first time i have been on here in yyears.  i first found obesity help back in 2000 and continued with it until late 2001 or so.  it was much different back then. 
i live in ok and had a gastric bypass in jan 2001 in kansas city.  i used to like in a town in kansas about 2hrs from kc.  i have 4 children from 13-22 and a 11 mo old granson and a almost 5yr old grandaughter and another grandson due nov 24.  i am 42 yrs old. 
anyway, i am not sure this is the correct place to post this so if not please tell me the correct place.  i did post this in another forum not konwing where to post exactly.
Back in Jan 2001, i had the gastri bypass.  i started at 262pds.  i had numerous health problems.  although i had this site for support that was all i had.  i met my dr 1x before my surgery. 
During my surgery my esphogus was cut and i bled alot.  Three days post op while still in hospital, i wasnt feeling well and knew something was wrong.  Found out i needed 2 pints of blood and after having that i began to feel better.  After a 7 day stay i went home to get very very ill.  being that my dr was 2 hrs away, my care was taken over by my primary physician in my home town.  i never saw my KC dr again, who knew i was being seen at home.  No one ever told me about any support groups.  By march, i was down to 185pd.  In april, i relocated to oklahoma to "start over" with my life.  I plateued at 180 for a few months then rapidy dropped to 125 when i discovered a hernia.  I found a dr in oklahoma who would do the hernia repair along with the tummy tuck.  i did not have insurance so it was costly.  My tummy tuck/hernia was outpat.  When i awoke after surgery i was told that i had an allergic reaction to the wls internal closures??  i awoke with 144 staples in a t-shape and no belly button.  they wanted to send me to the hospital to stay but i jsut couldnt afford it.  I was hurting for weeks and got flu like symptoms.  I dropped to 117 pds from getting sick.  I did go back up to 125 and there is where i was so happy and felt the best i have in my entire life.  My family went comping and bike riding and played soccer.  i had so much energy.  I had a great relationship with my sig. other.  My life was all brand new!  WEll, i got a deck job which i loved but soon began to put on a little weight.  My goal weight was 140 so when i gained 5pds i didnt worry.  In 2003 we moved to our new home where i was able to do what i always wanted to do and that was to raise german sheps and have a whole zoo of animals.  in mar of 2003 is when my life took a turn.  my 17 yr old daughter got pregnamt.  the day i took her to the drs i lost it and the dr put me on anti depressents.   i went back to my emotional eating, worried about everything, my sig other reationship went down hill.  I started gaining weight.  things have just gotten worse since then.  i am up to 190 pds again and still gaining.  i feel terrible not only from the excess weight but the knowledge of how i have failed.  i want so much for a "second chance"  i took for granted the weight i loss, i lost it so fast!  i did not realize alot about after the surgery.  i should have done more research, found a support group or somthing.  i know this now.  I am blming myself for this failure!  I do not have any friends, i do not tell anyone i had surgery because they look at me like "i guess it didnt work"  i do not leave my home unless i HAVE to.  There is no more going campning or anything else. I only have 1 child left at home now.  2 live back in kansas.  1 lives here with my grandson.  I feel horrible again as alot of my medical issues have come back not to mention severe depression which i do take meds for.  I also take a modd stabilizer as the anger i had at myself for this failure i took out on my family alot.  I have done research for a "second chance" but i have no isurance and no way can i ever afford it, heck, i can not even afford to go to the dr hafe the time.  I am constantly stressed.  I can not get financed either.  so, that is my story.  I sit here this morning FINALLY typing this as i am at my lowest, even lower then when i was 260 pds as i feel more like a failure then ever before.  wow how life chges when we make stupid decisions, take things for granted and are stupid in not knowing or gathering info.  well, if anyone has any ideas or justs wants to say somthing to me, good or bad, i will keep my eyes open on this site.  thank you for reading the long long post and for understanding and again, if i posted here wrong then plez let me konw where i need to go.  Thank you
oh and also, i never did any vitimins or shots or anything.  i really didnt know about those things. 

Wow. It sounds as if you have had a rough ride. I would say get back on track and start eating your protein first, cut out carbs and drink your water. It won't be easy to do, but I bet you can do it. Sometimes, life happens and we have to adjust to it. It is not always easy and for those of us who eat when we are stressed, well, we really have to watch it. I will be saying prayers for you. Good luck,
Emily

Hi, Angel. :)
I'm sorry for all you're going through. It's just fine to post here. This is a very supportive forum. Weight gain is so easy, isn't it, even with weight-loss surgery. You said you are at the lowest point ever. That means you can only go UP from here!
It's okay to be angry at yourself. In fact, I wrote a devotional about it and posted it today. Here's a link, if you're interested: 
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/christianity/a,messageboar d/action,replies/board_id,4963/cat_id,4563/topic_id,3768964/
I would encourage you to go back and do what worked, in the beginning. Eat mostly protein, and ditch the carbs. Eat protein every 3-4 hours, and you won't feel hungry. Begin to move, even if it's just walking. Be consistent in that. You'll feel better, too. Journal both your food and your exercise. Include your feelings, if that helps. Find a support group to attend. Where do you live? Let us help you find a place to go at least once a month. Read posts from here (OH.com). Every step you take will be in the "UP" direction, and you'll begin to feel more positive about life.
You still have your tool, your weight-loss surgery. It will help you again, if you give it a chance.
Blessings,
Mary

Hello,
I read your post.  I'm very sorry for all that you have gone through.  It sounds like you had a lot of emotional stress and made some bad food choices.  However you aren't back to 260 lbs.  You are a long way from it.  Start today to change things.  YOU are the only one who can make you happy.  You have to believe that in your heart.  You are not hopeless or helpless.  That is a thought that needs to be forgotten about.  I feel your pain, because for so long I have been right there with you.  I wish I could reach through here and give you a hug and tell you everything will be ok.  And coming here will be a good thing for you.  The OK group is one of the most compasionate groups on here.  Through the friends I have made here I have realized I am not definded by the number on the scale, I have learned that people have problems.  I'm not the only one who has been delt a bad card.  I see things so differently.  You made the best choice you could have made by reaching out for help.  I'm glad you are here and I hope all the advice to come will help you and ecourage you to get back up on that horse and do what you need to do to take care of yourself.  HEY you have a grandson that you can spend time with.  Mine lives an hour away and I don't get to see him a lot!  You can get the suport you need and get the help you need.  I don't remember where you live, but you NEED To find a support group in your area.  The leader there can help you or find someone you will feel comfortable with to talk to.  I also found this website, check it out. there is a free 5 part self-care package audio course, I haven't read it but I am going to.  go to enduringchange.com see if it helps!
I wish you the best of luck and I hope to see you posting here often! 
Happy first day of the rest of your life!
Hugs
Kim

hi again
thank you for support.  i live near moore and norman area.  being that i am having issues leaving my home i am a bit scared to go to a support group but i know i need to.  after this long post op and evidently my pouch stretched will the wls procedure still work?  i mean if i start doing things agin, will the pouch shrink again?  honestly i never thought about drinking the protein, i never did in the beginning and i paid for it too, lost my hair really bad.  see, no one ever stressed to me about vit b shots or whatever that was or the portein.  what are the best protein drinks?  ok i will start again...........ty all and i will keep coming here.

I am pre-op but I can tell you the vitamins you need and require to live are very important.  I b-vitamins are detrimental to your health and well being.  I have read on here that people who don't get enough b vit. get depression along with other symptoms.  Get on some sublim B vitamins for sure.  I'm sure the post-ops can help you with that as well.

I AM SO SORRY FOR THE TROUBLE YOU HAVE HAD ON OUR WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY. IT SOUNDS LIKE BACK THEN YOU DID NOT GET THE SUPPORT AND INFO FROM YOUR DR THAT YOU NEEDED. PLEASE POST HERE ANY TIME YOU NEED TO TALK OR NEED ANY ADVICE CAUSE THE PEOPLE HERE ARE AWESOME. YOU MAY NOT LIKE THEIR ANSWERS SOME OF THE TIME BUT THEY ARE USUALLY RIGHT ON THE MONEY. THIS BOARD IS A TREMENDOUS SUPPORT FOR ME AND MY FAMILY AND THEY HAVE HELPED ME WITH SO MANY PROBLEMS AND QUESTIONS THAT I HAVE HAD. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT THEM. ANY TIME YOU NEED TO TALK JUST LET ME KNOW!!

really about the vit b????  maybe that is why i hit this depression so bad!  what is sbu b or whatever hat was u mentioed?   where do i get it?  i do not have insurance for a doctor and money is so very tight after sig other was laid off we are still trying to get cuahgt up.  i am going to research the effecgts of the lack of the vit b..........other tehn the depression and other things i am dealing with i am also dealing with my teeth going horrible and at the point that i need them all pulled and dentures!  i never had horrible teeth before.  Being like this is embarransing!  could the lack of vit b and protein cause this too????  ty again.  i think i may be getting excited in starting this again.

You're not gonna like this...but as my friend Rita would say....deal with it...

I must agree with Kim....start again and get thyself off of carbs.  This is a "you" kinda thing and shouldn't be blamed on so many outside forces.  Life is suffrage, this is a universal issue for everyone so start by getting angry about these things.....it's ok....anger can be good.  Be angry at yourself long enough to want to change.  You need motvation and I think anger and being bitter is a great motivator...

Start on Monday morning with a new lease on life.  I have several foodsheets that are low carb foodlists that I'm happy to share with you to get you back on your losing goal, but again...you need motivation.

The people in these forums will suppor you but if you commit to asking for their help, they expect you to follow up and follow the guidelines that are offered.  Be strong for yourself...get your introspective (self respect) back on track so you feel good about you and the motivations to bring you to being a happier person who is soley responsible for regaining the weight back.  You will find sympathy amongst the members here..but you'll come across a strong bit of stinging painful truth here too.  I faced their wrath and I lived to tell the tale about it....and I completely respect those people for standing their ground in order to help me...

So hey goodluck.... and if you want any of the lists that I mentioned, feel free to private message me...  Get the blame machine rolling in the right direction, grit your teeth and re-start your journey...



T.

Keep your chin up, you've found a good group to help.  My group requires you take a multivitamin morning and night, b-12 sublingual once a week (although I take it daily) and calcium 1000 mg.  (Take the calcium by itself, 500 mg at a time.)  I get all of my vitamins at CVS.  The multi is chewable, the b-12 is the type you put under your tongue and the calcium is chewable.  PS watch and every other month they put them on sale, two for one.  As far as your stomach shrinking back, I don't know.  I do know when you diet your stomach seems to get smaller, so I can't imagine it would be different.  The other suggestions about eating protien first, cutting out potatoes, pasta, rice and bread are basics.  And, believe it or not, you won't miss them after a while.  Be sure and get AT LEAST 64 oz of water a day.  Don't drink for an hour after you eat so that your stomach will hold the food and feel full !!  GET UP AND MOVE.  They have a recumbent bike at academy for 100 that you can plant in front of the TV rain or shine.  I love it !!  Good luck and if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask.  There is a huge group of very supportive people here !