My daughter

Many of you met my kids at the "OKC meets Tulsa Dinner", well my daughter suprised me by announcing on the way home she is thinking about wls. she is a pretty girl but like her momma she has a weight problem.  honestly, I am scared but happy for her. I wish i would have been able to do it at that age. but then again she is not as mature as I was at 18. Is it unreasonable for me to tell her I do not approve? She is at the age looks mean more than her health. I provide good healthy food at home but she would rather go grab a burger. she did do weigh****chers on her own for about 2 months and lost 30#s but she gained that and more back. her weight keeps going up. I know she is 18 and I dont really have a say. I am just worried she is doing it for the wrong reasons. its hard to beleive that the little girl that the health dept accused me of not feeding is now obese.. something about puberty for my kids piled on the weight. Scott will not even discuss Denise having wls. he just ignores me when i try to talk about it to him.. or tells me she just needs to go on a diet. I am thinking if i can get her into the doctor so she can start the 6 month diet then when she sees that she can lose it on her own maybe she will be more open to waiting on surgery. I am not saying i dont want her to have it just that i would like her to try harder to do it on her own.  but then i know what that struggle is like too.. grrrrrr.. being a parent is so hard!  I miss that little girl that always listened to mommy!
ok i am rambling again... i have so much running through my head right now.. i just needed to let it out.

Hi, Sherrie.
If I were you, I'd support her, quietly. I'd take her to her first appointment, not even going in with her, unless she wants you to. Chances are, she'll make her final decision based on the BIG list of requirements all of us have/had to go through. If she's mature enough and motivated enough, she won't be turned aside, anyway. Sure, she wants WLS for her looks, probably to catch a fella, all those things. Even if good health is secondary (or not even in her thoughts, at this point), it will be a by-product, and that's a good thing.
If your husband wants to object, then he should talk to Denise. She needs to hear all sides, but the decision, ultimately, is hers to make, as she is 18.
Keep us posted. Wouldn't it be COOL, if you and she could have surgery at the same time?! [at least I THINK you're still pre-op]
Blessings,
Mary

Sherrie - in my humble opinion, I truly believe is it a matter of maturity rather than age and being at the point in your life when you are ready for this. WLS is a lifestyle change - is she ready to make those changes? You say you cook healthy meals, but she would rather grab a burger - is she ready to change that?

I think it is great that young people want to do something about their weight, and if the time is right, then I say why not, I would definitely encourage her. But, she has to be prepared for what is ahead and know that this is a permanent lifestyle adjustment. I know a lot of people say that they wish they had done this years before, and in a way so do I; however, I refused for years to even consider WLS, so I figure my time was one year ago, when I started this process - this is when I was ready.

Best of luck with this!

Sherrie I agree with Anna.  I also have a friend who has a daughter wanting WLS and no insurance either for it.  Her parent could help her with it but decided to tell her when she had 1/2 the money saved she would talk to her about paying the other half.  That was about a year ago and nothing has been saved yet.  She feels that without effort of the daughter's part that she must not be serious about it and wouldn't be willing to do everthing that goes along with getting our new tool....exercise, drinking, eating right and taking vitamins!!!  I know it's hard and we don't want our kids to struggle.  We want better for them than ourselves but you have to know she's serious and committed.

AMEN !

I agree with Fleemore.  I would tell her that you know what its like being heavy.  But this not something that can be undone.  There are three things in life that are forever, God, death, and VSG.  Tell her to do her research on it, go to the meetings, ask the questions.  But wait.  Waiting until she is mature enough to handle this.

Personally, I would play this one out this way- I would tell her I don't know if she is ready emotionally for the changes that WLS require.  Then I would attend a seminar with her and walk with her through all the hoops required.  Maybe if she saw what is really required then she could make a better decision.  If she can jump through all the hoops then she is probably ready to handle the responsibilities of WLS.  Does she have a plan to pay for thsi surgery?

Sherrie, I would tell Denise that she needs to attend a seminar and that she needs to research it. Since she would rather grab a burger than eat a healthy meal it doesn't really sound like she is ready for it Make sure that she knows all that is involved with it. I wouldn't tell her either way if I was in favor of it. If you tell her you aren't then she will ask why it is okay for you and not her ( if she is like my daughter). I tried to talk to my daughter about the lap band because she is obese and has high blood pressure and tachycardia, but she was so opposed to it. She really got angry with me because she said I didn't have faith in her to do it herself. that is not it though. I just wanted her to have a little help.
EMily

I have a good friend who Had WLS at 19, her parents paid for it and she lost about 70% of her goal, but now 6 years later, she's a yo-yo dieter. She'll start to gain and get back up to almost 200 and then she becomes alomst bulimic, making herself throw up after every meal, She's also developed diverticulitus and ulcers becuse she still eats the same way she always did. she can even out eat me at some meals... I honestly think that she was too young and too immature, I wish she would have waited even another 3 years. I'm only 25 now but, I've got a son and a career and goals that i've acheieved so I know who I am and where I'm going. No 18-19 year old child knows thoes kinds of things. I think there is a HUGE maturing period that occurs in your 20's that may be crucial to where you end up in life. For My friend she's 25 and she'll forever have to live with the pain she's caused herself by having a surgery that I don't think she was mature enough to have. I undertand what's it's like to be young and over-weight but I wonder if my friend knew then what she knows now if she would have made the same decisions.

De, that pretty much sums it right up.....Sherrie, I will just pray because I have no idea what to tell you to help with all this running through your head.....I do agree with everything everyone has said here....I was like Anna...it took me one whole year and two seminars before I was devoted to this...Since I am still preop, I can splurge on some things off and on...but still have that pre-op goal weight in site. For the most part, I have no rice, pasta, bread or soda....Is she ready for that?? It is a struggle for us, I can only imagine how it would be for her....but she comes from a strong mama so maybe she is willing to give those up...I'm just praying for you because I don't know what I would do either....
Sher