Feel Good/Hopeful Thread

Good time for one of those I think-lots of pre ops and such.  Last week I went and finished a 5k walk with lots of you from this board-and had a marvelous time.

What many of you don't know, and I really didn't even think about until I was halfway through, was that a little more than a year ago (July 07) I was still doing my grocery shopping in an electric cart and wore a leg brace most of the time.  Spring of 07, I was completely off that leg for 6 weeks.  It was my second major foot surgery, but this time I just wasn't healing like I should.  10 years ago my body could compensate for the weight, actually came back stronger and dropped the weight-but then the weight came back and my body couldn't cope.

Once your ankle falls off you foot-you HAVE to prop it back up-but rebreaking my heal almost broke this camel's back.  So, a few months after foot surgery, still partially wheelchair bound, I flew off to Mexico and had the lap band put in.

Coming back from a leg injury and losing weight have a lot in common.  You don't do it all at once-you do get aha moments-but that's all they are, moments-not happily ever afters.  But, string enough moments together (in dog training it's called chaining) and "suddenly" you are finishing up a 5k.

Preops-WLS is not the be all and end all-it's a milestone on a longer quest-kind of like a mega aha moment.  And it's not happily ever after-at least not immediately.  But for me, it's been really worth it. 

If you have a second, take time to jot down something on this thread that has changed for you that you sometimes forget to notice.  (I on the other hand, am going to spend 5 minutes reflecting on why I spend so much time thinking about my jean size and forgetting that a year ago I couldn't walk......ok, not going to lecture myself, just spend some time in quiet gratitude). 

Deb, I had no idea that you had been in a electric shopping cart or leg brace.  You sure didn't do the 5K like you ever had a problem. Aren't we blessed??  This wonderful new tool we have is doing it's job together with our good sense that we also have to use in our food choices. 

I told someone yesterday that even 6 months ago I couldn't even walk down the mall without getting out of breath.  I am now walking on a regular basis and exercising at Curves 3 days a week and sometimes using my exercise bike at home. I would have NEVER signed up to do a walk because I knew I couldn't do it.   

I was at home in my recliner the other night and had to think....wow, my restless leg syndrome had not bothered me in a few days and asked my husband when was the last time he remembered me complaining about it.  It didn't go away right away but somewhere about a 100 pounds later it did go away.  It was so annoying and would send me to bed early in the evenings to get some relief..... It is just so amazing that I have gotten rid of so much medication...NO INSULIN...among other things and I fee GOOD.  Even with the medications I took I still felt crappy...at 408 why wouldn't I feel crappy physically, mentally and life in general.  I feel like I've had a second chance!!  I will be forever grateful for having this opportunity for WLS and getting my new OH friends who have helped me and yes, Denise for dragging my behind on our Saturday walks!!!  
 

Yep, I moved down here with my walker, my wheelchair and my cane (and used the store's shopping carts cause I had too).

In fact, I have just decided next time someone says something snarky about my "expensive shoes" I'm going to snark back "it's cheaper than a wheelchair".  (My mother has a bee in her bonnet about those MBT's even though they've bought me several hours a day more I can spend on my feet).

I have extreme flat feet, and that combined with weight and lot and lots of race walking knocked my tibia off my ankle=foot collapse-10ish years ago.  6 months after that surgery, I stepped on glass and lost most of the pad in that foot-never a good thing and really sucky when you have pins in your foot.  I was headed for an ankle fusion, but Dr. C tried a new bone wedge thing-he rebroke my foot and wedged a piece of bone to hold the ankle up so that I didn't lose any more movement in that foot.  The poor old tendon he replaced in my leg is still hanging on, and it's a good thing cause I don't have any more to give it.

The scary thing was my OTHER foot was starting to go-but weight loss and using a little more common sense seems to be stabilizing that pretty nicely. 

The lesson I would like to share from all of that is this-don't measure your progress against anyone else's.  I almost crippled myself trying to keep up with people who had two good arches in their feet-because our generation was raised to believe that with effort comes success.  Honestly, if someone had put their dog or their horse through what I put my legs through, I would have turned them in or taken the animal myself.

Having the surgery changed a lot of things in my head too-and one of them was that I had to keep beating myself up against someone else's wall.  It's as if when I did this one thing that would work for me, I realized suddenly there were other things out there as well that would work for me......DUH. 

Oh well, the jean size is important too.  People are judgemental and there are real health reasons to be smaller.  I'm just creeping up on the appearance issue-I've ignored it for so long I'm not sure where to begin.  Part of that problem is-I would truly be happy in jeans and a T shirt for the rest of my life.  In fact, when I left corporate America (buh bye) not a suit or a pair of slacks came with me. 

What is wrong is people making other people's choices NOT RIGHT.  If your butt is a size 20 right now, and you decide that is not what you want, and you are working for a 10-good for you.  Does that make someone else wrong if their butt was a size 24 and now it's a 20 and they are thrilled?  I don't think it does.  I'm rambling. 

I try to be grateful for something every morning-but walking the other day it really HIT me how grateful I should be for the ability to walk.  Because I saw people who were struggling and I know that pain all to well.

For some reason (Ok, I know the reason-she wants to feel ok about not doing more when I was a kid-but MOM-they don't operate on kids with those problems, not now, not then) my Mom wants to minimize the pain part of my foot issue.  The bone part isn't that bad, starts out with a dull ache and if I listen to the warning, I'm good.  The pad part sucks.  Imagine being stabbed on your heal from the inside.  Smarts a bit.

Ahhhhh Hah!  Another lesson emerges-don't let people minimize your pain.  Acknowledging the pain or the problem isn't the same thing as giving in to it. 

Mary-I think you hit it right on the head-they feel helpless, so they wi**** away.  What they don't realize, is how that effects the kid.  I went through a period of anger with my parents (and to some degree my brother still is) because of all the mistakes they made....LOL.  Then one day it just hit me-how silly of me to think that THEY knew any better-I only know a little better because I can add MY experience to theirs.

My parrot was being silly and flew into the window the other day, and instead of freaking out I said "well DANG, I bet that hurt and laughed" (he has the mind of a small child).  Instead of him freaking out, he wobbled up on his perch and we moved on and he was fine.  No trauma, no drama.  If I had a young child, I would try to fix fewer things and just experience them instead......sometimes all we really need to hear is "you are not alone in this".