How would you handle this?

 One of the ladies in my cooking class (basics, not the really good food porn stuff), asked me point blank tonight about what surgery I was going to have while the class was sitting around the table waiting for stuff to bake.  I've known this lady for a long time and her daughter died several years ago from WLS.  She went into a coma and never came out of it.  I had told the instructor that there would come a time when I could cook but wouldn't be able to taste the food and might even miss a few classes.  I told the instructor the first night after class but the lady over heard me.  Anyway, the lady doesn't want me to have the surgery (which I understand).  I'm not very fond of her and I think she has cancer.  Anyway, I told her I was having surgery, that I had done the research, this was a good choice for me.  

I'm an honest person and I really try to be polite and I responded honestly and politely but that is my business  and I don't think it should be discussed over a classroom table with 8 people I just met.  I have class with this woman for at least 6 more weeks and I don't want to drop out.  I'm learning healthy cooking techniques and portion sizes and stuff that's really important, especially after WLS.  This is what I want to know:

1.  How would you have handled the question?  What would you have said?


2.  This lady is like a dog with a bone and I know she won't let go.  What can I do when she starts up again about how bad WLS is?  I'm not sure she will hear the advantages and what it would mean to me.

Thanks very much.  donna

6 weeks will give her time to SEE how great WLS can be!! 

I would have said this is the choice that I have made with lots of study and a choice made for ME!!  Yes, WLS of the past has been with hardship but there have been advances and docs now know the areas of most concern.  Plus, WLS is not just something you woke up one morning and decided upon, you have gone thru weeks or even months of counceling and appts. to make sure that this way of life is something you can live with.  Yes, you may eat less and yes you may have to take vitamins but nothing that cannot be done.  And oh the life you will get to enjoy and the entertainment options like amusement parks and vacations!! 

She will get to see you blossom in these 6 weeks coming up!!! 

I'm not saying she won't be her hateful self but know that you have at least educated her in the least bit...some people just don't understand.  But let her know if she keeps it up that you only need to be surrounded by positive people and her hateful attitude is something you don't welcome.

Try telling her this is a choice you made for yourself and your sorry she doesnt agree with it but you would rather not discuss it in public with people you dont know very well.

That is one of those "discussions" that will never truly be a discussion-she want's to convert you to her point of view.

A firm "I really don't want to discuss medical decisions in a cooking clsss" is in order here.  If she persists, just keep repeating it''I really don't want to discuss medical decisions in a cooking class"....firmly and politely.  If you refuse to engage the conversation, she'll either stop on her own, or someone else will get tired of it and ask her to lay off (probably the instructor).

For HER, the issue is probably very deep, but for you, the issue is simply you want to enjoy your class in peace, and you have every right to do so.  We have all been touched by tragedy and sadness, and that doesn't give us permission to step all over someone else's boundaries.

 

ETA: Actually, it would be better to say "I'm not going to discuss....." rather than I don't want to.  In this situation, it's perfectly ok to tell someone how you are going to react, as long as it's done firmly and kindly at the same time.

My answer would have been -- why would you ask me a personal question like that?  I don't discuss my personal medical issues.  And, by the way, how have you been doing.  That would shut your portion of the conversation down and open her up to talk about herself -- probably her favorite subject ;)

Ohh, Lynette!  Good answer! 

Donna, you are under no obligation to discuss personal issues with any one- ever.  Change the topic.  If you hold firm she will eventually quit asking, or your classmates will tell her to hush.

I like Lynette's answer too.  Letting her know she is going somewhere that is not allowed, but being kind in turning the conversation around to her.  In the long run, you can never go wrong with some kindness.  I personally would add prayers for her, understanding of the great pain she is in losing her daughter.  That kind of pain never goes away.  I guess if I would lose a child to something, I would be scared for anyone that would go down that same path.  I have found that sincerely praying for the person, and not that she would leave you alone, but pray for peace in her life, does wonders.  And then I tell the person, "I HAVE A MOTHER!"    But please, try the prayers first.  Michael

I'd tell her you are having a sex change operation and that should shut her up real quick...then you can just laugh like...only you know for sure! lol.....I know she could be concerned but make it light without really discussing the real surgery....Frankly it's none of her business.

P.S. You could also say....Haven't you heard of the Heppa Law? I am not allowed to discuss this with you.