To wed or wait?

Okay, so as I posted earlier I'm JUST begining my year long wait to have RNY...My best friend is 5 years out of her's and she's got alot of adivce for me. I'm also semi-seriously involved with a wonderful guy who completely supports me in my decisions. Now that being said, in true girly fashion i'm sitting at work...bored and daydreaming about the rest of my life. Marriage has been talked about between the boyfriend and I several times...
Now my question is do I wait...a year for the surgery, then another +- year for the weight to come off and THEN get married....or should I get married before the surgery? I'm terribly impatient and waiting is something I'm NOT good at... My best friend says do it before...because that's what she did, she got married and like 2 weeks later had her surgery and she's stated that she was glad she was married because if she hadn't been she probably wouldn't have married her husband at all (she would have went wild). but all the photos from her wedding she weighed almost 320 and now she's around 170...what a difference that would have made in a white dress!  And I'm kind of afraid that with all the stress and adjustment going along with my surgery it may be too much to add the adjustment of being someone's wife. (I've been married once before and it's true what they say about that first year being super tough) SO....I was wondering what all my buddies here thought...does anyone have any stories or experiences to share on this subject?

Well this is from a guy's perspective, so take it for what little worth it has....

Go ahead and wed.  You have no idea what will happen to your life in between the "now and then".  Life is short.  That man loves you enough to ask you to be his bride, then he doesn't really care about the fat version of you or the skinny version of you.  He just loves you. 

The recovery effort after you lose your weight might be a shocker to both of you.  It's not just about getting skinny, it's about the evolution of the girl who is trapped inside.  You will have another persona (just like your friend's new-found "wildness"), and another viewpoint, not to mention a new body that may or may not need to be modified to give you that sexy, sensuous appeal that gives that chemisty that everyone loves to have.  Men are visual, so the warning is there....

Your guy isn't really concerned about anything more than you and your selfworth and the love you have for him.  So stop stressing.  If  he's a good guy, then simply love him and talk about your concerns and work through it together.  Why wait when he wantsto spend the rest of his life with somone he truly loves anyway?

Big love,

T.

I agree with Thomas.  We never know what tomorrow holds for us.  If you love him and he loves you now then why wait?  He loves you for who you are tomorrow and he's surely aware of your desire to have WLS so he more than likely will be your biggest support.  My DH is my BIGGEST support!!  You can have new pictures made with him at your 2 year anniversary....if your concerned about that.  You're blessed to have found this guy right now in this time.  At least you know he loves you for you!!!

Well, I can't say whether to get married or not, since I've never been there, but I do know that everything changes with WLS, so as long as both of you are completely prepared for it, you shouldn't have any problems. Our psychologist at Weight Wise in Edmond talked about this very subject at our last support group meeting. Some relationships aren't strong enough to survive this huge change, but the ones that are, those are the ones that are going to last forever. Good Luck with everything, and I hope I haven't been a fuddy duddy.  

Everyone talks about big change and it's true but all good.  I was a happy gal before surgery and I'm still that happy gal.  My marriage is solid and has always been a fun marriage and I can only see it getting better and better.  But we talked about the surgery and how things might change in advance.  And we're getting ready to celebrate our 17th anniversary in a couple of weeks so my experience is a bit different.

It's hard to advise you because I don't know you or your significant other but I know if it was me, I wouldn't wait.  What would be the point?  Particularly if you're talking about waiting to years.  And why do you describe your relationship as semi-serious?  That kind of concerns me.

See?  There you go!  Absoultely no help whatsoever1  Ask me something easier!!!

Now now Michelle, I'd marry you, but you should know that I seem to have a problem with liking too many "lady-friends".....LMAO....

You're no fuddy-duddy....  you have NO IDEA how much fun you're gonna have in your late 20's and 30's.....you're still in those "struggling years".  Those are character-builders....mistake-making years....before you get wise and realize the youth that you've squandered.... (and realize that older men have more money, and like to give more attention, and will die faster than younger guys...etc..etc..etc...)....

hehe...

Just some FYI...

Big love,

T.

Glittergal, the reason I said "semi-serious" is because we really haven't been together THAT long...and though we've talked about marriage it's not something we're going to jump into within the next few months...We're not even officially engaged yet. I guess by most people's standards we're serious...but I'm erring on the side of caution here

T- Stop using my thread to hit on girls....jeez! LOL

j/k Flirt away!

Well, I, too, must chime in on the advice of going ahead with the wedding if you have someone who is supportive of you on your WLS journey and in all aspects of your life.  I, too, have been married twice and unfortunately my divorce came from a husband who was super insecure and abusive, especially after my WLS.  He couldn't handle the attention I got from losing weight.  I am a terribly impatient person, as well, so I understand where you are coming from...  however, it does sound like you are being smart and thinking everything through.  If you need to talk more, I'm here for ya.  Take care!

If your sweetie is willing to support you during this period of change why wait to get married?  You will have some wild mood swings for a while (hormones) but it does even out.  If you guys love each other go for it!

I say don't wait - if you love him and you all have a strong relationship, why wait???  I know what you mean about the pictures; my DH and I got married two years ago in Antigua on the beach.  I would have LOVED to be super skinny in those pictures (which I was Not - NOT even close).  Would I trade these 2 years for a skinny picture?  Heck no!  I'm going to make DH go back to Antigua and we'll call it a 2nd honeymoon and take "skinny pics."  Who knows, by then the pics might not even be important to me.

Hope that helped???
Robyn