Please tell me what is wrong with me???

Okay WARNING...I have no idea where these feelings are coming from.

I had my appt at Bailey yesterday, I had my filter placed and my Chest XRay,ABG's & Pulminary Testing completed yesterday as well.  Basically I have been an emotional wreck in the last few days.  I should be THRILLED my surgery is two weeks from tomorrow.  You all know...the beginning of the most wonderful ride of my life, as sooo many have shared with me. Yet this sadness has crept in...

I feel guilty about being a Manager and having to leave my team alone for 3 weeks.  I also feel bad that I cannot lose this weight on my own and now have to resort to WLS. I have been crying all the time at the drop of a hat as well.  I mean I know this will be the best thinng EVER but all of a sudden I am getting nervous, anxious and just a little sad all around.  I also feel bad for feeling this way, as there are MANY peoplewho are literally DYING  to have this surgery and cannot because they don't have insurance to cover it or the money to pay out of pocket.  I am also worried about the liquid portion that starts in under two weeks...I mean food has been my life, my friend and companion my whole life and now it will all change.  I know I sound CRAZY right??  I mean don't get my wrong I am sooooooooo grateful...

Okay, I am making no sense now and rambling.  I appreciate you all listening and being here.

You are not crazy and there is nothing wrong with you! You are perfectly normal. Your life is about to change -- in a good way, but change is change. losing "friends" is hard -- especially the food friend! But I can promise you, what you will gain will be SO much better! Keep coming back here. This group has been my salvation!

Everything you're feeling is normal... seems to me you have the pre-op jitters.  I felt bad that I couldn't lose the weight on my own, as well.  But by no means, did any of us take the easy way out by having WLS.   The liquid diet is hard, but again, it's just an obstacle and you will overcome it like a champ.  As for leaving your team at work for 3 weeks, I am sure they understand and I am sure they support you and know it's in the best interest of your health.  And yes, food has been all of our best friend...  and food isn't gone forever, it's just gone in the quanity that you used to eat it, it's gone in the way that you used to know it.  Food is now fuel, not entertainment.  Sorry to ramble on myself this morning...   Big *hugs* to you.  I'm here if you need to talk.  I'll even give you my number so you can vent it out... I'm a 4 year post op and I went through the "what the hell have I done stage", but I wouldn't take back my decision to have WLS for the world.  Stick around this group, as Nancy said...  It is definitely a great place to be!

You are not feeling anything that the rest of us didn't.  It's finally time for "YOU".  I'm sure you're like the rest of us were, everything, everyone else and the job came first with nothing left for ourselves.  I think you will find that you'll be a much happier, manager, wife, mother and friend a little later down the road.  I've never looked back for one moment.  I wish I had been younger and had this opportunity then.  I think anyone *****fers to WLS as the "easy" way out hasn't been there.  It's not easy.  We have a tool but we still have to make good choices, plan and exercise.  Hang in there and sound off to us anytime you need to!!! (((hugs)))

  THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. YOU ARE PERFECTLY NORMAL. YOU ARE THINKING THAT YOU ARE LOSING YOUR BEST FRIEND FOOD AND THAT HAS LEFT AN EMPTINESS INSIDE OF YOU. BUT DON'T WORRY THAT WILL SOON PASS AND YOU WILL BE SO EXCITED ABOUT YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND---YOUR NEW LIFE!! YOU WILL BE AMAZED THAT YOU CAN'T EAT NEARLY AS MUCH AS YOU DID BEFORE AND YOU WILL REJOICE!! JUST TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND CALL ON YOUR FRIENDS HERE AT OH ANYTIME YOU NEED TALKING TO OR TALKED DOWN!! YOU WILL DO GREAT!

You do not sound crazy at all - you sound like all of the rest of us pre-op!  This is a scary and exciting time.  I was never all that big of an emotional eater.  I ate because I LOVE FOOD!  I was never beaten as a child or whatever else we try to blame it on.  It was all me.  That is a very hard thing to give up particularly if you're thinking that you'll never be happy again.  I remember crying in Dr. Walton's office at my first appointment saying that I was a happy person and just wanted to stay a happy person.  I had happiness and food completely tied together.

At 2 months post-op, I have not a single regret except that I didn't do this a long time ago.  Food does not possess my every waking moment!  I feel so much better about myself and that is what makes me happy now!

It is ok to feel the way you are feeling.  It is a grieving process even if it is food we are grieving.  Embrace all of this as a part of the process and then, as we like to say, pull on your big girl panties and deal with it!  (Ha!  That was the tough love portion of my post!)

Don't worry about your employees.  They will manage fine without you!  As somebody else said, you will be a bette manager when you feel better mentally and physically!

Don't feel guilty!  Obesity is a disease and this is the best option for many of us.  I never felt guilty that I needed the surgery although I felt guilty about the money since I was self-pay.  In this case, guilt is a useless emotion so dump it!

You will get through all of this and be happier and healthier than ever!  Rely on your new OH family here and we'll figure it all out together!

Best of luck to you!  Kim

I am keeping you in my prayers. You will be fine.. let the tears roll.. nothing wrong with crying.. !!! Hey hun we got your back!!

I think your feelings are probably pretty normal.  I almost felt "unworthy" to have my surgery....it's like we don't believe we are really worth it-we are.  We all deserve good health.

If you have a lot of your identity tied up in your job, you might feel worried that they'll find out they don't NEED you-trust me, they do or you wouldn't be there.  No one has extra staff these days.

You'll be fine.

BREATHE !!!!  The hardest part is over, the decision to help yourself.  You're right.  You are on the most wonderful ride of your life -- it's like a roller coaster though, so grab on !!!   There are those that have had trouble, there are those that haven't, but the most consistent thing that all of us say is we would do it again in a heartbeat!  I, too, just wish I could have done it younger -- what a waste many of my years have been.  I exchanged life for food.  NOT ANYMORE!!!!   BREATHE !!!! 

I am on the warm up bench too...You are almost on the team bench....It is a scary thing being on this bench.....I know it is so hard over here....I have no idea how old you are, but let me tell you that my weight has brought me so close to death. 3 stents, high blood pressure, diabetes, back pain, neuropathy in my feet and in my stomach, severe sleep apnea and other issues. I have tried every diet out there. I have lost weight and only brought back more with more effects from the diabetes....more insulin, more side effects. I WANT TO LIVE! I am now going to change my life to do that! Sure, I will not have the foods I want. But I am going to live longer...Its a great trade off. I can still take a bite of things and be full instead of eating everything on my plate. You are not crazy at all. I am scared to death to think about what I am giving up...money wise and food wise, but again the good far out weighs the loss of those things.....I also figure I can do all things with the help of God, so the liquids will just be a small step into my future. It WILL be hard, no doubt about that but so worth the effort. These people on here can all tell you that! I went through a year of the same doubts that you are going through....am I weak? Why couldn't I do it on my own.....Why did I allow myself to get to this point...I kicked my own butt every day....I never took pictures because I hated myself so much. All the meds I am on keep my body gaining weight. I starve myself to no avail....My body has been in constant starvation mode. Many of us know all these feelings. They are normal...You aren''t crazy. Even if you were...join the club. I am crazy as all get outs, but I AM going to live!! So I have pulled up my big girl panties and am dealing with all those fears and like repeling off a mountain...I am leaning back and taking a step off the cliff....I am letting God hold the ropes and trusting him on this....Wow! talk about rambling!!! I am shutting up now....You will be fine. We are all hear for you and I hope you will be there for me when I take my leap of faith!!!   Sherry